Adultery and monogamy

[Saint Frankenstein]

Nah I’ll wait if you end up feeling like posting some links later. You can always find supporting info for both sides of an argument on the internet, so id be bound to find info that supports my side I sure.

You can go ahead and look for studies that support your side. Have fun.

 

[anna.]

Out of the Christian “10 Commandments”, I believe that Adultery is the only one that cannot be forgiven.

Actually there's only one unforgivable sin in the Bible.

Matthew 12:31-32

31 “Therefore I say to you, every sin and blasphemy will be forgiven men, but the blasphemy against the Spirit will not be forgiven men. 32 Anyone who speaks a word against the Son of Man, it will be forgiven him; but whoever speaks against the Holy Spirit, it will not be forgiven him, either in this age or in the age to come.

 

[JustGeorge]

This all reminds me of some folks I knew...

A married couple, man and woman. They didn't really get on well. He cheated on her, and refused to stop. They decided she'd see other people on the side, rather than divorce.

Eventually, his spur with extramarital relationships ended, and hers flourished. She met a woman that just wouldn't go home(the 'extra' relationships were supposed to be sexual in nature only). Eventually, they decided to 'marry' this other woman. After awhile, the two women got sick of the guy and kicked him aside, and the relationship became monogamous again.

 

[an anarchist]

There's also the issue of STDs

This reminds me of homophobic rhetoric who say we shouldn’t “normalize” homosexuality because of the increased risk of STD’s… how is the logic different?

 

[an anarchist]

unwanted pregnancies. The more people added to the mix, the greater the chance of both occuring.

Unwanted pregnancies are not exclusive to polyamorous relationships. And I don’t see the point you are trying to make.

Polyamory does not create “social chaos” and monogamy does not bring about social order

 

[Balthazzar]

Adultery is fine.

Monogamy shouldn’t be the norm.

That’s my stance.

I don’t adulterize because I love my boyfriend. I am monogamous because my boyfriend has the socially acceptable view that monogamy is the correct way. I love him enough to where I settle into a monogamous and faithful relationship.

But it doesn’t mean I don’t hold the stances I stated above.

When my now exwife “cheated” on me, I took it real personally. Therapist told me that it was a “me problem” and to simply get over it because the wifey actually and literally did nothing to me. She was missing an emotional need and was trying to fill it. And I’m mad? How unthoughtful and selfish.

Next girlfriend “cheated” on me. I didn’t get mad when she came to me crying about it. I just asked “Oh, why? Is there something wrong in our relationship?”

Oh, and monogamy I believe is a religious construct. Absent of religion, monogamy can be reduced to possessiveness. You are claiming to own someone exclusively when you are monogamous. My first wife tried this logic with me but I was raised Christian so I wasn’t having it because marriage a picture of God’s relationship with us supposedly.

I have matured and have hindsight now.

Adultery is fine.

Monogamy is selfish and possessive.

debate me normies

I get jealous and people could get hurt. That's about the best I've got. It's not about religion, it's just I don't like the thought of sucking some guys load if I choose to pleasure my girlfriend or wife. I also don't like the thought of my other half bringing unwanted elements back home...like syphilis or crabs or herpes, or anything else that is likely to happen in a non-monogamous relationship. I also don't like the thought of sharing my wife or girlfriend as if she doesn't matter enough to just do me solo. Adultery sucks. I mean it's repulsively inadequate for anything based on trust and valuing the other party. For fun? sure ... if the aforementioned things don't bother you.

 

[an anarchist]

I also don't like the thought of sharing my wife or girlfriend

This is the attitude that I take issue with. Monogamy is completely possessive. This shouldn’t be the norm in my opinion it is archaic to think you alone should have exclusive rights to someone.

That jealousy is caveman brain.

 

[an anarchist]

I get jealous and people could get hurt. That's about the best I've got.

It doesn’t make polyamory wrong. The issue you present here is a “you” problem. Edit: I mean this in a non condescending way.

 

[JustGeorge]

This is the attitude that I take issue with. Monogamy is completely possessive. This shouldn’t be the norm in my opinion it is archaic to think you alone should have exclusive rights to someone.

That jealousy is caveman brain.

Well, I get that, on more than just a jealousy level. There's the practical aspects, especially if you're in a family setting. The 'shared' individual will be able to devote less time to you and the household. If resources(like a bank account) are shared, its normal to not want to risk one's hard earned money go to entertaining someone else's sexual escapades.

Again, I think it comes down to personal preference, and there isn't a right way or wrong way.

 

[Saint Frankenstein]

This reminds me of homophobic rhetoric who say we shouldn’t “normalize” homosexuality because of the increased risk of STD’s… how is the logic different?

Because just because you're gay, it doesn't mean you're partaking in behavior that increases the risk of STDs. It doesn't mean you have multiple sex partners, it doesn't mean you have anal sex (especially unprotected). By adding more sexual partners into the mix, you are of course increasing your risk of disease (and unwanted pregnancy if a female is involved). Haven't you ever heard in health class that when you sleep with someone, you're also sleeping with everyone they've been with? That's what that's pointing to.

 

[an anarchist]

Well, I get that, on more than just a jealousy level. There's the practical aspects, especially if you're in a family setting. The 'shared' individual will be able to devote less time to you and the household. If resources(like a bank account) are shared, its normal to not want to risk one's hard earned money go to entertaining someone else's sexual escapades.

Again, I think it comes down to personal preference, and there isn't a right way or wrong way.

I completely agree.

I sometimes let the Devil’s advocate take completely over and argue for the most controversial position. But it does not mean I cannot agree or understand points from the other side.

Monogamy has its place. For many if not most people, it is optimal. This I agree with

 

[an anarchist]

Because just because you're gay, it doesn't mean you're partaking in behavior that increases the risk of STDs. It doesn't mean you have multiple sex partners, it doesn't mean you have anal sex (especially unprotected). By adding more sexual partners into the mix, you are of course increasing your risk of disease (and unwanted pregnancy if a female is involved). Haven't you ever heard in health class that when you sleep with someone, you're also sleeping with everyone they've been with? That's what that's pointing to.

Just because you are poly, does not mean you have STDs. Haven’t you heard of healthy sexual hygiene? It is possible for poly people to practice it.

 

[Balthazzar]

This is the attitude that I take issue with. Monogamy is completely possessive. This shouldn’t be the norm in my opinion it is archaic to think you alone should have exclusive rights to someone.

That jealousy is caveman brain.

I have the type of personality that accommodates greater security and lessens risk factors. My caveman brain won't accept anything less than a monogamous aim and intent. I won't, nor do I choose to judge those unlike me. It's just that I equate them as risk factors and liabilities. The kids don't typically appreciate the unneeded drama, and it helps to be family oriented, at least if the goal is to raise up a family as opposed to other liabilities and risk factors. Possessive? Maybe a little. I prefer to view this in a greater, more accurate light, though. I'm a man who cares and I'm real and I don't play nice with bull****ters.

 

[Balthazzar]

It doesn’t make polyamory wrong. The issue you present here is a “you” problem. Edit: I mean this in a non condescending way.

It's not a problem. Live the way you want to. I prefer a different playbook is all.

 

[Saint Frankenstein]

Just because you are poly, does not mean you have STDs. Haven’t you heard of healthy sexual hygiene? It is possible for poly people to practice it.

Yeah, I'm pretty sure they're all demanding STD test results before they get down with someone new. That's a rarity to begin with. More people = greater risk. And there's that pregnancy issue, too.

 

[Kathryn]

THat's what I'm taking away from this conversation.

It's not necessarily okay, but the people that have done it aren't necessarily terrible people, either.

They aren't necessarily terrible people but they should have had the conversation with their significant other long before they "cheated" on them. Most people consider long term relationships and marriages to be monogamous.

 

[Saint Frankenstein]

Lol, now Tik Tok just sent me a notification for videos about open relationships. What the hell.

 

[Balthazzar]

Just because you are poly, does not mean you have STDs. Haven’t you heard of healthy sexual hygiene? It is possible for poly people to practice it.

I can't argue this and if I were to ever choose a poly lifestyle, It would need to be a perquisite to keep it in the "network" of chosen participants, if only for the safety and security of the entire "pack". It's difficult for a man like me to choose a lifestyle like this, even with the precautions in place. It lessens risk factor, and honestly, how often are we able to find enough people we can truly trust with our others ...if any?

Then you have jealousy issues and we end up with an attitude like this one.

 

[Spice]

I get jealous and people could get hurt. That's about the best I've got. It's not about religion, it's just I don't like the thought of sucking some guys load if I choose to pleasure my girlfriend or wife. I also don't like the thought of my other half bringing unwanted elements back home...like syphilis or crabs or herpes, or anything else that is likely to happen in a non-monogamous relationship. I also don't like the thought of sharing my wife or girlfriend as if she doesn't matter enough to just do me solo. Adultery sucks. I mean it's repulsively inadequate for anything based on trust and valuing the other party. For fun? sure ... if the aforementioned things don't bother you.

And with you being able to communicate that so clearly, should it happen to you anyway, you might need help getting past it even though it would most definitely not be your fault. IMO, that was what an arachrist got from his therapist, though you may need a different therapeutic approach to reach the desired result. I hope you are never in the predicament to have to find your way through it.

 

[Balthazzar]

And with you being able to communicate that so clearly, should it happen to you anyway, you might need help getting past it even though it would most definitely not be your fault. IMO, that was what an arachrist got from his therapist, though you may need a different therapeutic approach to reach the desired result. I hope you are never in the predicament to have to find your way through it.

It might absolutely be my fault, given my attitude towards the risks involved. Some people would go out of their way to put a man like me in a position, deliberately based on my disapproval of the associated risks involved. I may be too cautious at this point. It's been nearly 25 years and the walls I've built are nearly insurmountable. I tell myself I'm fasting. Truth is, I'm scared and have been scorched a couple too many times to let it go, so forgive me if I misplace a screw you every now and then to someone legit.

You know what's crazy? I have this memory in my head and it won't go away, only I don't drive a truck anymore and that was never me. I came before the wedding bells.