An honest question for women ...

[Mathematician]

People mostly suck in general when it comes to relationships and their mating rituals, regardless if it's an "outtie" or "innie."

 

[Sahar]

A big problem is that a most girls and a lot of women aren't truly aware of the male sexual psychology. We dress to attract, but for a lot of us, we're trying to attract real admiration and special attention-->affection--> love. We don't realise, most of the time, that we're going about it the wrong way (but what is the right way?).

Maybe it's fair to say women like to attract and exhibit their physical beauty but not all women function in the society this way, not all of them dress for this reason. There are many who wear modestly because simply they don't want their bodies/physical beauty to be used as a way of judging them.

I think cultural element play the biggest role. Here, in most of the cases, relationships are intended to be of a long term, thus men who will reduce you/the relationship with you into sex, are not very common.

 

[Vendetta]

Nope, unfortunately. As a woman looking for love this society is very cruel to me. The only men I meet who seem genuinely respectful and serious and somewhat trustworthy are at least twice my age.

Then its probably about proximity, maturity of men who approach you, and/or where you live is problematic, not the men.

When women say (not just you) "men are a disappointment" I will say, how have I disappointed you. Most likely your generalization is the result of your own personaal experiences and sometimes we find ourselves thinking that where we live is the entire world.

You shouldn't wish to be lesbian because of shallow minded guys. There are devious gay women just as straight. Being lesbian, or wanting to be lesbian because of that is like me saying I want to date only white women because black women talk too much. One shouldn't do things for wrong reasons.

 

[Penumbra]

Plus, some women objectify men too.

 

[Vendetta]

In addition Madhuri

I suffer a similar situation. Despite my attitude here I am very old fashioned, you know, roses, sometimes candy on first date, you know, a real gentleman. On dating, I never pushed sex on dates and never had and hell, I have no reason to since I had plenty while servin over seas. However here at least in California and largely America period, women tend to gravitate towards jerks because jerks are seen as anti-society or the atypical gentleman. So guys like me tend to get called "too nice" or " you're not like what I am used to" and my personal favorite "You have a advance degree? I don't think I can date you, I don't think I am smart enough."

Meanwhile in party town San Diego my navy buddies who are d***s and who jerk women around tend to attract more professional, nerdy, or simply old fashioned women who want companionship. They usually ask me "(my real name) why are you such a nice guy? B**ches ain't ******!"

So yeah in my experience, women want security but they also want a ********* too. Sure, I have no problem meeting women as I tend to get mistaken as Reggie Bush so yeah it plays in my favor, but I meet women who

A) Meet me and wont continue to date me cause I am "too nice"
B) They meet me and only want to screw me because they think all black men that have a nice physique are also well endowed.
C) Married women want me because I have no marital attachments
D)Women see my tattoos and find me appealing because they think I am a bad boy.

So as you can see Madhuri on the other side of the planet you're not alone in meeting **********. I've dated hundreds, yes, hundreds of women and most were trash. Some were good, but the good women turned me away because of my obligations to school and to the navy.

BTW another personal favorite of mine is a few times women have called me gay because I wasn't sexually aggressive while dating them lol. Like I said women are just as devious if not more.

 

[Vendetta]

Penumbra if you haven't read my post on my experiences please do lol

 

[Penumbra]

Penumbra if you haven't read my post on my experiences please do lol

To a certain extent, I think people draw experiences to their selves.

Of course, things like geography and culture can play a big part, and from time to time we'll run into experiences we have absolutely no control over, but if people are constantly having experiences they don't like, I think part of the answer is that they need to do something different.

Men and women both have psychological drives to seek certain things in a mate, and those things differ to a certain extent between the genders (statistically that is, not for every member). We need to be aware of those things as much as possible.

 

[Vendetta]

This is true but 99% of my experiences I didn't approach the individual they approached me. Do different things? I have tried it. I have never spent my time in one place. I travel a lot in the state. It would be different if I spent my time in one particular city but no, its in a lot of places.

 

[Penumbra]

This is true but 99% of my experiences I didn't approach the individual they approached me. Do different things? I have tried it. I have never spent my time in one place. I travel a lot in the state. It would be different if I spent my time in one particular city but no, its in a lot of places.

What types of places are you at when they approach you?

 

[Vendetta]

What types of places are you at when they approach you?

The gym, The Base, when I travel to San Francisco for trips, Vegas, Arizona, Texas, but mostly travelling up north since I live in southern California. The furthest I have been was to New York. I've been to New Orleans, Mississippi, etc reception was the same

 

[Jacksnyte]

Friend Madhuri,


Did anyone stop you for being a *lesbian*??

Sexual acts can be
1. Just a release of energy by most
2. Sex can be emotional
3. Sex can be an act of meditation
4. Transcend sex through meditation and be asexual.
Most emotional affairs too lose steam down the line like any other forms of attachments and very difficult to find someone like Nityanand Swami who claims to take partners for the 3rd kind BE SIDES the last and fourth is where finally one is reaching.

Love & rgds

 

[Penumbra]

The gym, The Base, when I travel to San Francisco for trips, Vegas, Arizona, Texas, but mostly travelling up north since I live in southern California. The furthest I have been was to New York. I've been to New Orleans, Mississippi, etc reception was the same

Well, I meant specific places (like your answers gym and base), rather than geographic locations.

For as I'm sure you know, location is important. Bars, gyms, dance clubs, libraries, military bases, yoga classes, music clubs, science labs, public parks, skydiving clubs, chess clubs, and college campuses are going to result in shifted demographics in terms of who approaches us and who we encounter.

If someone spends a lot of time in bars, and has a lot of bad experiences with the opposite (or same) sex, perhaps they should try a new place to spend time. On the other hand, if someone spends a lot of time in chess clubs, and has a lot of bad experiences, perhaps they should try a new place to spend time.

 

[waitasec]

... especially women who complain that they're being sexually objectified. Would you mind if a good-looking person were to objectify you? Are you offended only when ugly people do that?

Just an honest question.

yeah...
but then again...it rarely happens...

 

[Father Heathen]

I experienced similar in America and in Italy. Especially Italy.

PS: I don't put myself out there in a provocative manner, btw. My opinion is based largely on observation.

I don't think guys would behave badly if it didn't produce results, so someone out there is rewarding and reinforcing that sort of objectifying behavior. Guys observe this and then conclude that it's how one is supposed to be successful with women. And you have a lot of girls who continue to date jerks exclusively despite being mistreated (even to the extent of being beaten or raped), while overlooking the decent, honest men. So it's a bit irksome when women complain about men instead of taking responsibility for their own choices (not you, obviously, but those in general who do this.) And as for girls who say things like "he's too nice", one can only assume they enjoy getting five across the eyes.

 

[Songbird]

Chisti, do you perceive women to take offense about being objectified only by men they don't deem attractive? Strange question.

I think it's offensive when a man comes across arrogant about his looks, but I feel the same about women. If a man hit on me under the impression I wasn't going to turn him down based on his awesomeness, I'd be a little insulted. More amused, I suppose.

Since I'm not in the market, my perception may be different. I get a little annoyed when women have a victim mentality about relationships - being taken advantage of, or being offended when a drunk aggressively hits on them in a bar, especially when wearing club attire. While this has no relation to rape or violence, there is a reasonable spectrum of behavior you can expect at clubs or bars where alcohol and mating rituals are involved.

On the other hand, it's a complicated structure. People behave in response to other people, and according to cultural scripts, and out of desires and expectations. Maybe the best way to get what you want out of dating or out of people is to focus on being the kind of person you deem worthy of respect. Like Madhuri's experience, this may make for a lonely path. But it's got to pay off eventually.

 

[Penumbra]

Chisti, do you perceive women to take offense about being objectified only by men they don't deem attractive? Strange question.

I think it's offensive when a man comes across arrogant about his looks, but I feel the same about women. If a man hit on me under the impression I wasn't going to turn him down based on his awesomeness, I'd be a little insulted. More amused, I suppose.

Since I'm not in the market, my perception may be different. I get a little annoyed when women have a victim mentality about relationships - being taken advantage of, or being offended when a drunk aggressively hits on them in a bar, especially when wearing club attire. While this has no relation to rape or violence, there is a reasonable spectrum of behavior you can expect at clubs or bars where alcohol and mating rituals are involved.

On the other hand, it's a complicated structure. People behave in response to other people, and according to cultural scripts, and out of desires and expectations. Maybe the best way to get what you want out of dating or out of people is to focus on being the kind of person you deem worthy of respect. Like Madhuri's experience, this may make for a lonely path. But it's got to pay off eventually.

Agreed.

 

[Songbird]

Agreed.

I almost added, when it comes to attracting attention, I usually dress casually. But sometimes I wear form-fitting stuff to catch eyes. Cuz it just feels good. Course, the wedding ring and three rugrats hanging on me deter advances.

 

[MissAlice]

At some point, we'll have to generalize. Men want sex, whereas women want security. That's how both genders have evolved.

Meh...women want sex too. I don't think we should get too general when it comes to genders. My only complaint is the way men act out when "objectifying" women. I don't have any problem for instance if a guy were to ask me out no matter what he look like. It's the attitude by the men who think they're entitled to act like jerks to get a woman. Some guys can't take no for an answer and when they do they act as if they've been cussed out or attacked thus being a jerk about it.

 

[Rakhel]

Something that I find interesting is how it seems that the women who are the most offended by being objectified are the ones who expose the most breast, wear the tightest pants, the shortest shorts, the skin tight sweaters, etc.


Seems a bit hypocritical to me.

My husband has something like this happen to him, just this morning.

He was just about to leave the store when a woman walked in. She was, he said, a double DD, wearing a shirt with the collar open to the point that he could see that if she moved wrong, her boobs would have popped out of her bra.
Being that he had just turned around, and being a man, his eyes went straight to her chest.
She gave him a disgusted look and muttered, "pig!" He replied with, "If you don't want to be looked at, don't put things on display for everyone to see."

Everyone in the store laughed.

 

[HiddenDjinn]

She was acting as if I had just propositioned her. I personally wasn't about to do so, considering that the "****" look isn't appealing to me, that I'm happily married, and that she wasn't my type even if she was conservatively dressed. I think Chisti is right. Occasionally, women are only offended when people they don't find attractive look at them. If a woman is putting on a display, men looking at the display should be expected. Don't get me wrong; I don't say that she should be sexually assaulted, but I do say that she will be looked at by more men than she wants to look at her.