An Open Letter to RF

[RedDragon94]

All I can offer are the sweet, encouraging words, "Walk on, Walk on, with hope in your heart, and you'll never walk alone, you'll never walk alone." Let your hope be your strength.

 

[Debater Slayer]

Thanks, all. The replies here made me genuinely smile. I deeply appreciate them.

I did seek professional help. I first did so in July 2014. Since then, I have seen three therapists and tried at least seven different meds. The first therapist misdiagnosed me and put me on meds that almost led me to kill myself. The second one told me that part of my problem was my atheism. The third one tried to convert me back to religion until I told her that I was happy the way I was and didn't feel like I needed to covert. After nearly a year of therapy and being on meds, I still have the same problems I started with. It's not working. I'm wondering if anything will work at this point except for putting an end to this myself. Maybe that's what I needed to do all along.

 

[MD]

Thanks, all. The replies here made me genuinely smile. I deeply appreciate them.

I did seek professional help. I first did so in July 2014. Since then, I have seen three therapists and tried at least seven different meds. The first therapist misdiagnosed me and put me on meds that almost led me to kill myself. The second one told me that part of my problem was my atheism. The third one tried to convert me back to religion until I told her that I was happy the way I was and didn't feel like I needed to covert. After nearly a year of therapy and being on meds, I still have the same problems I started with. It's not working. I'm wondering if anything will work at this point except for putting an end to this myself. Maybe that's what I needed to do all along.

You must find meaning or a purpose and work towards achieving this. It can be anything: getting ripped, becoming a professor, joining marxists, becoming a scientologist...anything. But I feel you must have this purpose. It is the goal of all human beings to have purpose. Write down what it is you desire and write it everyday if need be, create your own purpose. Ensure that you never waver from this purpose. And attach a dream, or a goal to this purpose.

If you cannot pursue these dreams then you should try to leave your country and immigrate to the West or even come seeking asylum as an atheist. The west gives millions of Islamists immigration, when they should be taking people like you. But this dream and your purpose should never be sacrificed for as long as you live.

Your mind is too bright to let it vanish from this earth. All we can do is our small part to make it a better place. Do not listen to the naysayers and those who try to put you down. They are obstacles for you to overcome. Trust and believe in your vision and work towards it and I promise it will get better.

 

[Tumah]

Giving up is never an answer. Especially on a debate forum. The only way to win is to keep fighting until the other person gives up!

But really, don't be controlled by your thought and feelings. As an atheist, I'm sure you can pride yourself on your ability to think logically rather than emotionally. Even if every possible thing were to be going bad for you, you are a rational human being with the ability to rise above your predicament if only you keep fighting. You have tremendous worth as a competent human being. Even if you had accomplished nothing in your entire life, as a person who faced depression and conquered it, you will already have become a standard for thousands of people around the world going through the same thing you are.

Don't give up the fight. Show the next generation that nothing can hold back the human mind from achieving any goal, no matter the circumstances. We here all have faith that you can do it. Its hard. But so was putting a human being on the moon. You can do it.

 

[Jumi]

You have had some bad, unprofessional therapists. I also had one of those when I was depressed who tried to gain converts for her church instead of trying to sincerely help. It's right to be angry at the way you were treated, but dwelling on it is no good.

I would offer two suggestions, firstly learn progressive muscle relaxation. You can find plenty of guided progressive muscle relaxation tracks on youtube. Pick one and use it, learn it and use it often. It's a lifesaver that will help you clear your mind and get your body out of the sickness cycle. You might find yourself enjoying things more regularly once you do this.

Second plan to move out of the country to somewhere more liberal minded or close to nature.

 

[Shadow Wolf]

But one less metal head buddy would be a sad thing.
I've always thought you were a cool person. I hope you can find a reason to carry on. It's hard (I've been slipping back down that path myself lately), but you would be missed.

 

[Revoltingest]

Thanks, all. The replies here made me genuinely smile. I deeply appreciate them.

I did seek professional help. I first did so in July 2014. Since then, I have seen three therapists and tried at least seven different meds. The first therapist misdiagnosed me and put me on meds that almost led me to kill myself. The second one told me that part of my problem was my atheism. The third one tried to convert me back to religion until I told her that I was happy the way I was and didn't feel like I needed to covert. After nearly a year of therapy and being on meds, I still have the same problems I started with. It's not working. I'm wondering if anything will work at this point except for putting an end to this myself. Maybe that's what I needed to do all along.

The psychotherapist & client relationship is one which can take multiple tries before finding the right one. Clearly, the one who thought you could switch off atheism, & switch on religion has some professional shortcomings. You've been at it less than a year. People I know have taken much longer than that to get results. Don't take that as a bad sign....just advice that it gets better with time & effort....a light at the end of the tunnel as it were.

 

[sun rise]

Thanks, all. The replies here made me genuinely smile. I deeply appreciate them.

I did seek professional help. I first did so in July 2014. Since then, I have seen three therapists and tried at least seven different meds. The first therapist misdiagnosed me and put me on meds that almost led me to kill myself. The second one told me that part of my problem was my atheism. The third one tried to convert me back to religion until I told her that I was happy the way I was and didn't feel like I needed to covert. After nearly a year of therapy and being on meds, I still have the same problems I started with. It's not working. I'm wondering if anything will work at this point except for putting an end to this myself. Maybe that's what I needed to do all along.

Those unprofessional (expletives) make me angry. The last thing someone in your boat needs is an unprofessional therapist messing with you.

I'm struck by all that you're dealing with when you wrote health issues, struggles with school, financial issues, social isolation, and extremely negative thoughts. That's a big load to carry. I hope you can see that as far as social isolation goes, you're not isolated here. There are lots of people here rooting for you.

I actually have a background in psychology although I did not wind up as a therapist. But from that background and what I've read I'd want to know if there's any specific way we can support and help you besides what we're doing? If I saw you in therapy, I'd ask about your history and how your present mess developed? I'd ask if there was some specific event that triggered your extreme negative thoughts or if they've developed slowly? I'd want to make sure that you were aware of Suicide.org: Suicide Prevention, Suicide Awareness, Suicide Support - Suicide.org! Suicide.org! Suicide.org! and ask that you call 1-800-SUICIDE (1-800-784-2433) or 1-800-273-TALK (1-800-273-8255) and talk with someone.

 

[Smart_Guy]

I don't really know what to say, DS.

Just be optimistic and strong. Life sucks I know, but don't let it get the best of you. The best answer to psychological problems usually lies within us I believe. Just tell yourself you will have it solved and work on it with resolve.

 

[Mequa]

I can relate to your experiences, Debate Slayer.

I have also suffered from various physical ailments, and am awaiting heart surgery (which has been continuously delayed), in addition to suffering from long-term depression (the "black dog"), and struggling with negative thoughts. The latter can often render me quite vulnerable and "thin-skinned" at times. That isn't me, it's a symptom of what I am going through and struggling with.

Sadly, some members of RF I have known for a while have been less than sympathetic and understanding of me with the latter. It does hurt deeply to be socially rejected for such as "a negative person" or such, under such circumstances, yet is something I have become accustomed to. That necessitated use of the block feature as interactions with them (in chat) were becoming highly toxic to me, something a few others failed to empathise with and accused me of making a mountain out of a molehill.

Other than a few bad apples, though, most people here have been lovely, and I've met some amazing and kind people here. I will be continuing as a member on RF myself, although curbing my use of this site and Internet forums and chatrooms in general.

I wish you all the best in life. You do seem like a good apple. I wish you joy, good health, inner peace and safety.

Kind regards,

Mequa

 

[4consideration]

DS,

I know I haven't been on RF much lately. I'm here now if you would like to talk.

 

[Mycroft]

Thanks, all. The replies here made me genuinely smile. I deeply appreciate them.

I did seek professional help. I first did so in July 2014. Since then, I have seen three therapists and tried at least seven different meds. The first therapist misdiagnosed me and put me on meds that almost led me to kill myself. The second one told me that part of my problem was my atheism. The third one tried to convert me back to religion until I told her that I was happy the way I was and didn't feel like I needed to covert. After nearly a year of therapy and being on meds, I still have the same problems I started with. It's not working. I'm wondering if anything will work at this point except for putting an end to this myself. Maybe that's what I needed to do all along.

...Are you seeing 'religious therapists'? IF so, you should probably stop that at once and go and see real therapists.

 

[Debater Slayer]

...Are you seeing 'religious therapists'? IF so, you should probably stop that at once and go and see real therapists.

Secular therapists are extremely hard to find here, assuming there are any who are open about their secularism. I need to work with what I have for now until I manage to get out of the country I'm in at the moment.

 

[Mycroft]

Secular therapists are extremely hard to find here, assuming there are any who are open about their secularism. I need to work with what I have for now until I manage to get out of the country I'm in at the moment.

I know it might not be much, but you might want to consider joining a psych forum, a community that can at least support you in a more secular way and maybe give you some better information than those idiots that mistakenly call themselves therapists. Those therapists have very little interest in remedying your problems and far much more interest in converting you to whatever religion, they have no business being in practice.

 

[Laika]

I would recommend giving up TV if you can, as the medium makes people very passive and the content is usually negative anyway. it basically by-passes the rational centres of the brain and goes straight for the emotional side and conditions us in a very Pavlovian way. It was something I did after thinking about it for a year and it did help lift my depression quite considerably. plus your reasoning starts to improve and you can question more things the longer you're away from it.

 

[Debater Slayer]

I would recommend giving up TV if you can, as the medium makes people very passive and the content is usually negative anyway. it basically by-passes the rational centres of the brain and goes straight for the emotional side and conditions us in a very Pavlovian way. It was something I did after thinking about it for a year and it did help lift my depression quite considerably. plus your reasoning starts to improve and you can question more things the longer you're away from it.

I don't even have a TV and haven't watched it for over a year. Also, on a relevant note, in the last four years, I have only watched two movies and no TV shows.

 

[Laika]

I wouldn't suggest this lightly, but it might be an idea to re-think the medication. Do some research to be sure this is right. I haven't used medication because I read a quote that stuck with me, about how symptoms are actually signs of the struggle for life in a patient, whereas someone who is completely 'normal' is actually the most crippled. Medication is a way of covering up symptoms rather than dealing with them and can therefore lead to complications such as addiction.

there are forums for people specifically to talk about their mental problems (something I didn't know until recently) so you may be able to get some advice and support from fellow sufferers there.

 

[Mequa]

there are forums for people specifically to talk about their mental problems (something I didn't know until recently) so you may be able to get some advice and support from fellow sufferers there.

If anyone decides on that course of action, I would advise caution. The real danger I have seen of such groups is that of co-rumination, where people feed off each other's negativity. There is the danger of such groups becoming flooded with negativity of fellow sufferers. Sympathy offered is often more in a spirit of enabling than genuine support, and worse, there can be the dreaded crab mentality, whereby anyone seeking to escape the toxic negativity is pulled right back in by fellow sufferers who are envious and resentful of their positive growth. Misery loves company, as the saying goes.

Having said that, I hope anyone looking for such support can find such a group which may be of genuine help to themselves, moving forward with caution.

 

[Revoltingest]

I wouldn't suggest this lightly, but it might be an idea to re-think the medication. Do some research to be sure this is right. I haven't used medication because I read a quote that stuck with me, about how symptoms are actually signs of the struggle for life in a patient, whereas someone who is completely 'normal' is actually the most crippled. Medication is a way of covering up symptoms rather than dealing with them and can therefore lead to complications such as addiction.

there are forums for people specifically to talk about their mental problems (something I didn't know until recently) so you may be able to get some advice and support from fellow sufferers there.

I wouldn't rule out medication.
Everyone's difficulties are individual.
If something works better than everything else.....go with what works.
It's better to be happy & healthy by using a crutch than to be otherwise by eschewing the crutch.

 

[Wirey]

Please get help, and stay. And you could have given me a sympathy "Oh. I'd miss Wirey" you know! I may be pure evil, but I have feeling! Evil feelings, but still.