An Open Letter to RF

[Debater Slayer]

Dear RF,

In the last few months, I have thought about leaving this place more than once. I have been dealing with health issues, struggles with school, financial issues, social isolation, and extremely negative thoughts that almost ended my life for the last two and a half years. Things have worsened since then, with very little indication of improvement. I have thought about writing a thank-you note to RF and leaving this place to act on the thoughts I have had for a while. Every time I think of doing so, I remember that there are people here who would be affected by that, and I reconsider my thoughts.

At the moment, there are only three people who are friends with me here that I don't have a way to communicate with outside RF. They are the sole reason I have been here this long and haven't left yet. They are @Penumbra, @4consideration, and @Jayhawker Soule. I can communicate with everyone else who I'm friends with here via email or Facebook.

I'm still not sure if I will carry on with the thoughts I have, nor do I know if I will be able to withstand this pressure for much longer. Every day I see less and less reason to believe that things will get better, especially since so much time has passed without any improvement whatsoever.

If I suddenly leave the forum, now you know what will be the reason. If I someday make a thank-you post and leave RF, you will also know where I have gone.

Sincerely,

Debater Slayer

 

[MysticSang'ha]

DS, I love you so much. You are amazing, talented, brave, intelligent, and you carry a beautiful heart within you. You are wise beyond your years. You understand what oppression looks like and the impact it has on people who are supposed to be invisible, and you stand against it at great risk to your safety and well-being.

You always have a Big Squishy Hug right here in my loving arms ready and waiting.

 

[Revoltingest]

I strongly recommend finding a professional to counsel you.
(They can help in a way that friends & family cannot.)
That's no way to live.
Life ain't easy, but it should feel like a battle you're winning.

Note:
I'm not advising this just cuz I'm part of the psychotherapist landlord industrial complex.
I see it working for people.

 

[Quintessence]

I thought something might be up, DS. Main priority is always to take care of yourself; if that means taking leave, by all means do so, but I'd make sure you've got something meaningful that's connecting you to the awesome, big wide world out there. Sometimes, problems can be chronic: they persist for a long time, and they don't go away, but you can find ways to keep going within that. I've watched someone else close to me manage that, fighting through depression coupled with anxiety and other health problems. I hope you fight as well, and it sounds like you have been. You're already doing many good things; learn to give yourself some good due credit.

 

[Lyndon]

Please get some professional help, we are not qualified other than to tell you, YOU ARE WORTH IT, LIFE CAN CHANGE AND THINGS GET BETTER, WE CARE ABOUT YOU, AND YOU CAN GET BETTER.

 

[BSM1]

For the most part it seems that regular posters on RF are more family than friends (thus the ubiquitous bickering). You mean something to us.

 

[Mycroft]

I don't know you well, and we've sometimes clashed on less-than-friendly terms, but I would be very saddened to hear on you acting on any negative thoughts that might mean you won't be around anymore.

I can't comment on much of your plight because I have no information, but on the subject of social isolation: Deciding to avoid other people does not necessarily equate with having no desire whatsoever for company; it may simply reflect a dissatisfaction with what—or who—is available. Cynics are, in the end, only idealists with awkwardly high standards. In Chamfort's words, 'It is sometimes said of a man who lives alone that he does not like society. This is like saying of a man that he does not like going for walks because he is not fond of walking at night in the forêt de Bondy.

You are valued by the people who know you and that, if nothing else, is reason to carry on.

 

[Adramelek]

Dear Debater Slayer,

I don't know you all that well, but what I do know is that I have struggled with depression on and off throughout my life. It is hard I know, but believe me, it can be conquered. Stay with us, we are stronger and better with you than without you. My best of wishes.

/Adramelek\

 

[Laika]

DS, I don't know you well and have only been here for a few months, but from the bottom of my heart I urge you to "give life a chance". I felt suicidal for many years and later on felt violent as I went through a period of acute mental illness. I was coming out as bisexual and coming to terms with the fact that I had been brought up by deeply disturbed parents, whose hatred and fear of life had rendered me an emotional cripple through my childhood. Suicide seemed like a release and an escape, but to where?

It is hard to communicate the sense of imprisonment that deep depression can bring, the feeling that life, it's meaning and significance is being denied, that your hands are tied at every decision and your future is set in stone, living in a golden cage where you can have everything, but lacking room to be spontaneous, to be free and to be yourself. As impossible as it may seem, you can find some sense that you are worth fighting for. In the end, I decided not to act on my own thoughts, recovered by learning to love, forgive, be open and develop a sense of humor in the face of my own personal darkness. Suicide is an act of revenge against the world, the anger we feel against those who have wronged us and a product of the de-realisation that pulls us down. But the greatest revenge against those who have hurt us is to keep on living, one defiant day at a time.

The light is within you to keep going. it burns brighter than you think. I promise.

 

[Brickjectivity]

Every time I think of doing so, I remember that there are people here who would be affected by that, and I reconsider my thoughts.

I really hope that all of your love or thoughtfulness is rewarded, and if not then you should at least be proud of putting others first. You're probably too introspective for your own happiness, but you're pretty smart and well meaning. That's really good, and you can always have that as your own secret badge of pride. It says a lot of good things about you.

Also, while some people don't offer personal email and facebook, they offer instead a more honest version of themselves. I'm not saying people with facebook are dishonest, just that I like to think sometimes anonymous friends are worth while -- that they can through anonymity be more transparent. It may seem distant, but it is also a way of reaching out and can feel intimate. In my case I would, having talked about myself and posted some very bad poetry (some not extremely bad), never, ever, ever connect this account to a public account. It is actually not an attempt to rebuff anyone's friendship but quite the opposite.

I had assumed you were a really happy tough male and probably some kind of wrestler what with a name like 'Debater Slayer'. Its so macho! Now I see you're a girl with flowers in her hair. I see, I see. Sorry about the mix-up.

 

[Awoon]

Stick around and help me breathe. It's ruff sometimes with only one lung.

 

[Infinitum]

I'm glad to see you're openly talking about your problems, DS, since sharing is the first step to getting support. You know I'm there for you in whatever way in my power, even if it's very limited due to the lack of resources in my own life. You have many friends here, and all you need to do is ask, and we'll help you in any way we can. Hang in there!

 

[Curious George]

Dear RF,

In the last few months, I have thought about leaving this place more than once. I have been dealing with health issues, struggles with school, financial issues, social isolation, and extremely negative thoughts that almost ended my life for the last two and a half years. Things have worsened since then, with very little indication of improvement. I have thought about writing a thank-you note to RF and leaving this place to act on the thoughts I have had for a while. Every time I think of doing so, I remember that there are people here who would be affected by that, and I reconsider my thoughts.

At the moment, there are only three people who are friends with me here that I don't have a way to communicate with outside RF. They are the sole reason I have been here this long and haven't left yet. They are @Penumbra, @4consideration, and @Jayhawker Soule. I can communicate with everyone else who I'm friends with here via email or Facebook.

I'm still not sure if I will carry on with the thoughts I have, nor do I know if I will be able to withstand this pressure for much longer. Every day I see less and less reason to believe that things will get better, especially since so much time has passed without any improvement whatsoever.

If I suddenly leave the forum, now you know what will be the reason. If I someday make a thank-you post and leave RF, you will also know where I have gone.

Sincerely,

Debater Slayer

Dear debate slayer,


Or you can just stay and talk a while. I read your posts, (and the posts of many others) but I do not like it when I get the feeling that I will get to read less of your posts in the future.

Anyway start a thread, let's have a discussion, tag me and I will show up. Don't tag me and I will most likely read quietly.

And to address thoughts of suicide, I must ask why actually go through with that action? I have had friends commit suicide more than I can count on both hands (I hope it's not something about me) But I have often wondered why not just try something else? And then something else? Move to Mexico, or go ride the rails. There seems to be much more fun ways to throw it all away or escape some suffering, If that is the intent.

Warmest regards,

Curious George

 

[sun rise]

Debate Slayer, there's a favorite musical round of mine that I hope reaches you: "May the long time sun shine upon you and the pure light within you guide your way on".

 

[Deidre]

Oh gosh, Debate Slayer, you are one of the very first people to welcome me and many others with open arms. I hope that you choose to stay, and if you ever need someone to listen, I'm here for you. I'm very sorry things have been tough...I know that life can get very difficult at times. I won't offer a trite ''hang in there,'' but instead I just hope you consider staying because you are so very special to many of us here.

 

[LuisDantas]

I am sorry things have been so difficult for you, DS. For what it is worth, I truly hope it does not come to you leaving RF, let alone anything stronger than that.

 

[illykitty]

Sorry about all of the issues you're having. You seem like a great person and it would be sad if anything were to happen to you. As someone who struggles with mental illnesses, since a teenager, I know it can be hard. There were so many days I wanted to go too, but it's worth sticking around. Maybe the immediate future doesn't seem so bright but you never know what will come your way.

Try to consider that life always flows, there's changes all the time. Look back, things have changed and they probably will change more. Stick around to see those changes. Focus on what you'd love to see.

I understand wanting to leave RF, but it would be a shame if you left the world too. It needs more people like you.

 

[Awoon]

Dear RF,

In the last few months, I have thought about leaving this place more than once. I have been dealing with health issues, struggles with school, financial issues, social isolation, and extremely negative thoughts that almost ended my life for the last two and a half years. Things have worsened since then, with very little indication of improvement. I have thought about writing a thank-you note to RF and leaving this place to act on the thoughts I have had for a while. Every time I think of doing so, I remember that there are people here who would be affected by that, and I reconsider my thoughts.

At the moment, there are only three people who are friends with me here that I don't have a way to communicate with outside RF. They are the sole reason I have been here this long and haven't left yet. They are @Penumbra, @4consideration, and @Jayhawker Soule. I can communicate with everyone else who I'm friends with here via email or Facebook.

I'm still not sure if I will carry on with the thoughts I have, nor do I know if I will be able to withstand this pressure for much longer. Every day I see less and less reason to believe that things will get better, especially since so much time has passed without any improvement whatsoever.

If I suddenly leave the forum, now you know what will be the reason. If I someday make a thank-you post and leave RF, you will also know where I have gone.

Sincerely,

Debater Slayer

This song helped me deal with losing my left lung !!!

 

[lovemuffin]

DS please do seek out professional help if you're feeling suicidal.

If I can do anything at all to help please contact me.

 

[Jumi]

It's never easy being ahead of your times. There's no doubt that there is a place for you in this world.