Are there Reasonable Moral Grounds to Oppose Open Relationships and Marriages?

[McBell]

Well, some people have a moral objection to divorce, as well.

Often we choose between evils.

So why not a moral objection to marriage given the exceedingly high divorce rate?

I mean it seems rather hypocritical for someone to argue that that which harms society should be banned and yet ignore the fact that the leading cause of divorce is marriage.

 

[Gjallarhorn]

I don't remember that passage! Is it in the KJV?

It certainly sums up the Bible, despite not being in it.

 

[Walkntune]

It certainly sums up the Bible, despite not being in it.

Yes every knee will bow!

 

[lunamoth]

So why not a moral objection to marriage given the exceedingly high divorce rate?

I mean it seems rather hypocritical for someone to argue that that which harms society should be banned and yet ignore the fact that the leading cause of divorce is marriage.

So you are saying that marriage is immoral!

The good (to society) outweighs the bad, I think. Not sure the same can be said for open marriages and polygamy in our society. But, I am willing to look at your data.

 

[McBell]

So you are saying that marriage is immoral!

It is not my argument that logically leads to marriage being immoral.
I am merely pointing out that logical conclusion.

The good (to society) outweighs the bad, I think. Not sure the same can be said for open marriages and polygamy in our society. But, I am willing to look at your data.

What data?
You seem to have me confused with someone who has presented an argument.

 

[Sunstone]

Just for the record, polygamy is not usually practiced as an open relationship, is it?

 

[The Sum of Awe]

 

[Barcode]

I agree with the premise that Polyamory relationships always leave the potential of having multiple persons to be hurt instead of one. I guess this is a case of how to hurt less people.

 

[9Westy9]

I second this

 

[McBell]

What does gay marriage have to to with the thread?

 

[MysticSang'ha]

Just for the record, polygamy is not usually practiced as an open relationship, is it?

Not specifically. But perhaps people are still emotionally attached to the idea that if a marriage is supposed to be "open", that it's the man that gets to screw whomever he wants while little wifey stays in the kitchen cooking meals without a peep.

Dunno.

 

[9Westy9]

What does gay marriage have to to with the thread?

gay relationships can be open too

 

[The Sum of Awe]

What does gay marriage have to to with the thread?

I should've read the OP I guess.

 

[Falvlun]

Also everyone keeps talking about consent but what about sexually transmitted diseases? Oh, I guess when you consent to sex you consent to being given an STD?

Huh? How are the morals for transmitting STDs in an open relationship different than transmiting an STD in any sort of sexual relationship?

You have a responsibility to be upfront with your partner about any STDs you may have-- this goes for whether you are just like sleeping around or whether you are in a monogamous relationship or whether you are polyamorous. And if you don't trust your partner, or don't want to roll the dice, then wear a condom.

 

[lunamoth]

Huh? How are the morals for transmitting STDs in an open relationship different than transmiting an STD in any sort of sexual relationship?

You have a responsibility to be upfront with your partner about any STDs you may have-- this goes for whether you are just like sleeping around or whether you are in a monogamous relationship or whether you are polyamorous. And if you don't trust your partner, or don't want to roll the dice, then wear a condom.

The point about STDs seems valid. In an open relationship there is no agreement that anyone is going to always use protection, and protection can fail. In monogamy there is an agreement that also serves to preserve the health of both partners. In open relationships that can't happen because even if your partners agree to safe practices, there is no agreement that all of their other partners will as well.

It is simple biology and statistics - more sexual partners = increased spread of STDs.

 

[blackout]

The point about STDs seems valid. In an open relationship there is no agreement that anyone is going to always use protection, and protection can fail. In monogamy there is an agreement that also serves to preserve the health of both partners. In open relationships that can't happen because even if your partners agree to safe practices, there is no agreement that all of their other partners will as well.

It is simple biology and statistics - more sexual partners = increased spread of STDs.

These are all reasons that I personally prefer the idea of a Polyamorous commitment,
to an 'Open' commitment.
I like the idea of Love and Commitment all around,
and responsibility and accountability as a Whole.
But that's just me.

 

[Songbird]

The point about STDs seems valid. In an open relationship there is no agreement that anyone is going to always use protection, and protection can fail. In monogamy there is an agreement that also serves to preserve the health of both partners. In open relationships that can't happen because even if your partners agree to safe practices, there is no agreement that all of their other partners will as well.

It is simple biology and statistics - more sexual partners = increased spread of STDs.

From the few married couples I know in open relationships, this area is covered by the ongoing conversation and agreements they have regarding the details of their polyamory. They don't carelessly engage in random relationships, and they partner only with people they know very well. Usually their extra-marital partners are long-time lovers that both people in the marriage approve of. I don't know how they manage the emotions of polyamory, but I do know that they are far more cautious and slow-moving than most of the single people I know, and they sleep with fewer people than my single friends. Of course, "polyamory" covers a wide range of lifestyles, but it seems people have the impression it means having relationships with gobs of lovers at one time. In my handful of observations, polyamorous folks have fewer partners than serial monogamists.

Edit: Oh, I just realized I mistook "open" for "polyamory". I suppose open is a subset of polyamory, but I don't think my answer is quite relevant to your post in that light.

 

[blackout]

From the few married couples I know in open relationships, this area is covered by the ongoing conversation and agreements they have regarding the details of their polyamory. They don't carelessly engage in random relationships, and they partner only with people they know very well. Usually their extra-marital partners are long-time lovers that both people in the marriage approve of. I don't know how they manage the emotions of polyamory, but I do know that they are far more cautious and slow-moving than most of the single people I know, and they sleep with fewer people than my single friends. Of course, "polyamory" covers a wide range of lifestyles, but it seems people have the impression it means having relationships with gobs of lovers at one time. In my handful of observations, polyamorous folks have fewer partners than serial monogamists.

Edit: Oh, I just realized I mistook "open" for "polyamory". I suppose open is a subset of polyamory, but I don't think my answer is quite relevant to your post in that light.

Polyamory stresses agreement, communication, accountability and commitment all around.
If the fringes are very loose, I personally would consider it Open, and not Polyamorous.
But perhaps these are just my own conceptions of the word.
To be specific, I like best the idea of Polyamory that is accountable ... and "countable"

 

[Songbird]

Polyamory stresses agreement, communication, accountability and commitment all around.
If the fringes are very loose, I personally would consider it Open, and not Polyamorous.
But perhaps these are just my own conceptions of the word.
To be specific, I like best the idea of Polyamory that is accountable ... and "countable"

That's how I'd define it, too. And prefer it, if it were me.

I glean from the questions I see that people may think polyamory isn't something lovers discuss much. The couples I know devoted much time and communication to deciding on it, and I think it took years to go from "Should we?" to an actual polyamorous life. Just like any big decision, this is something I've seen thoughtfully researched and decided. One couple I know with four kids (two adopted), each have just one additional lover - and it's been the same lover for years. Aaaand, those lovers are both in committed poly marriages themselves. I actually have no idea how that works in the fine print. But everyone seems satisfied.

 

[MysticSang'ha]

That's how I'd define it, too. And prefer it, if it were me.

I glean from the questions I see that people may think polyamory isn't something lovers discuss much. The couples I know devoted much time and communication to deciding on it, and I think it took years to go from "Should we?" to an actual polyamorous life. Just like any big decision, this is something I've seen thoughtfully researched and decided. One couple I know with four kids (two adopted), each have just one additional lover - and it's been the same lover for years. Aaaand, those lovers are both in committed poly marriages themselves. I actually have no idea how that works in the fine print. But everyone seems satisfied.

That's pretty much the standard from the different couples Steve and I have been in contact with.

An open relationship, for us, isn't "swinging". We don't go to swingers clubs and have random sexual encounters with strangers. We meet people, and through many conversations, find ourselves "dating" someone or someones in particular. It's much like how we ourselves dated each other, and how we continue to work on our marriage....we communicate. We explore. We discuss options. It's an ongoing process.

Our experience has been that those in successful polyamorous relationships/marriages move agonizingly slowly. What I will agree on is that there are more things to cover, considering sexual history/current activity, any hard and fast boundaries that need to be put on the table, level of discretion/privacy, and most importantly.....what time is invested. So, that does raise the stakes when it comes to working through disagreements, but what it also does is ensure that everybody involved feels the group is thorough, careful, and considerate.