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Cohabitation before Marriage | Good or Bad

Trey of Diamonds

Well-Known Member
The Downside of Cohabiting Before Marriage

In a nationwide survey conducted in 2001 by the National Marriage Project, then at Rutgers and now at the University of Virginia, nearly half of 20-somethings agreed with the statement, “You would only marry someone if he or she agreed to live together with you first, so that you could find out whether you really get along.” About two-thirds said they believed that moving in together before marriage was a good way to avoid divorce.

But that belief is contradicted by experience. Couples who cohabit before marriage (and especially before an engagement or an otherwise clear commitment) tend to be less satisfied with their marriages — and more likely to divorce — than couples who do not. These negative outcomes are called the cohabitation effect.

Researchers originally attributed the cohabitation effect to selection, or the idea that cohabitors were less conventional about marriage and thus more open to divorce. As cohabitation has become a norm, however, studies have shown that the effect is not entirely explained by individual characteristics like religion, education or politics. Research suggests that at least some of the risks may lie in cohabitation itself.

So, what do you think? Is Cohabitation prior to marriage good or bad? My wife and I lived together for a couple years prior to getting married and we are coming up on our twentith anniversary.
 

9-10ths_Penguin

1/10 Subway Stalinist
Premium Member
My wife and I didn't cohabitate before marriage. We separated last year and are now in the waiting period before divorce.

In retrospect, if I had lived with her for a while first, I probably would've realized that she wasn't the one for me and would have left before getting married.
 

Revoltingest

Pragmatic Libertarian
Premium Member
I favor cohabitation.
When my kids marry, I'll want them to live with the future spouse first.
Tis the moral.....er, practical thing to do!
 

Infinitum

Possessed Bookworm
Me and my partner practicly cohabited for around a year before getting married. It softened the shock of suddenly sharing your life with someone a bit. It definitelly made the choise much easier, since we could trust that we actually liked each other's company and came along.
 

illykitty

RF's pet cat
I think it is a good thing to know if you get along seeing each other everyday. Cause of course, when you don't live together it's easier to get along because you see each other every other day and if you get into a fight you can have a calm period before seeing each other again and sort things out. When you live together you still live with them, make meals and see each other.

I've lived 1 1/2 year with my husband before getting married. We really get along! Hopefully it stays that way for the rest of our lives!
 

Mindmaster

Well-Known Member
Premium Member
You'd be foolish to permanently shack up with someone that you didn't know you could deal with day in and out.. I lived with my wife nearly a year before doing so. :) There were issues, but nothing I couldn't handle.
 

mycorrhiza

Well-Known Member
It's definitely good. Marrying someone only to find out that you can't stand to live together seems like a whole lot of trouble.

I've lived together with my fiancée close to two years now, and it's working out well.
 

Levite

Higher and Higher
My mother gave me excellent advice when I moved out of her house. She said, "Honey, never marry anyone you've never slept with, and never marry anyone you haven't lived with for at least six months."

I never lived with a girl I hadn't slept with, and I lived with my wife for a year before we got married. My relationships were all very good, and my marriage is all the stronger for it. We had a chance to work on a lot of relationship issues and become extremely comfortable with one another before we got married. By the time our honeymoon was over, we had better communication and fewer arguments than many of our friends who hadn't lived together before marriage but had been married for several years already.

I can certainly tell you that when the time (God willing) comes for me to give relationship advice to my child, I will absolutely pass on my mother's wonderful and entirely trustworthy instruction.
 

Sweet Marie

New Member
I think it is really important to know what you expect from your partner and what they expect from you, especially when it comes to care and maintenance of your home. My husband clearly understood he was going to be the spider squisher and I would be the puke cleaner(although I don't like too). The problem with not living with a person before hand is you don't really know until a situation comes up(like the puke thing, I wouldn't *have guessed he was so sensitive until we got a cat). Knowing these things is really valuable before marriage in case you run into a deal breaker. I started dating my husband while we where both still living with our parents. His family has a mild case of hoarding and tend not to tidy as they go, and I come from a "neat freak" family. If that was all I could judge from before we got married, I probably would not have. When we moved out I found out he wasn't the problem and I was able to relax a little bit on needing my house to be spotless. To each their own, but I think living together first is a good idea.
 

Dirty Penguin

Master Of Ceremony
The Downside of Cohabiting Before Marriage



So, what do you think? Is Cohabitation prior to marriage good or bad? My wife and I lived together for a couple years prior to getting married and we are coming up on our twentith anniversary.


Kinda similar here. My wife lived together for about 9 years before marriage. This year will make our 10th year married. We both came from bad first marriages but found each other, had a lot in common and we've loved every moment of our time together (before and during our marriage). We managed to raise three kids to adulthood and are proud grand parents......:yes:
 

Sunstone

De Diablo Del Fora
Premium Member
I don't see much wrong with a couple living together even if they have no intention of getting married. If that's what both of them want, who's to say they are wrong?
 

Songbird

She rules her life like a bird in flight
I don't see much wrong with a couple living together even if they have no intention of getting married. If that's what both of them want, who's to say they are wrong?
Me. For no reason, though. I just need meet my daily "You are wrong" quota.

Feeling better already.
 

9-10ths_Penguin

1/10 Subway Stalinist
Premium Member
So nobody here thinks cohabitating before marriage is a bad idea? I find it surprising that so far, everyone who's responded has supported it.


Me. For no reason, though. I just need meet my daily "You are wrong" quota.

Feeling better already.

Just as long as he's not grong. You don't want to be grong.

:D
 

Sunstone

De Diablo Del Fora
Premium Member
So nobody here thinks cohabitating before marriage is a bad idea? I find it surprising that so far, everyone who's responded has supported it.

The only drawback I can think of is that it might be much harder to break off a relationship with someone you are not suited to if you have been cohabiting with them than it would be to break off the same relationship if you have been living apart from them.
 

Draka

Wonder Woman
I didn't live with my first husband before we got married and that marriage ended up a nightmare. My second marriage I lived with him for a few months before marriage, but not a long time, and that marriage didn't last either. Now I've been with Turk for going on 7 years now and we are not legally married and it's the best relationship I've ever had. We've Handfasted, and according to Iowa can be considered common-law married, but we've never done the license and courthouse thing. Going by my own personal history, I'd have to say the problem wasn't whether or not there was pre-marital cohabitation, it was that there was "marital" even involved in the first place. :p
 
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