Down with Divorce

[Heyo]

But we all understand marriage means more than that.

And that is the misunderstanding. Marrying without having the money for the divorce lawyer already saved is just naïve.
While marriage is the #1 cause of divorce, misjudgement of character (your spouses or your own) is not far below in the list. People who see the reality of how many marriages end in divorce and have the humility to accept they might be wrong are probably also more realistic in their assessment of the situation.

 

[Stevicus]

And that is the misunderstanding. Marrying without having the money for the divorce lawyer already saved is just naïve.
While marriage is the #1 cause of divorce, misjudgement of character (your spouses or your own) is not far below in the list. People who see the reality of how many marriages end in divorce and have the humility to accept they might be wrong are probably also more realistic in their assessment of the situation.

These are some good points, and even looking back to my own parents, I wonder why they ever got married in the first place. I suspect a few possible reasons, especially since my older brother's date of birth is only seven months after my parents' wedding date. And my mother once said (in one of her many rants I recall) was that she wanted out of the marriage from day one, which made it seem that they had to get married, not that they actually wanted to. I've seen their wedding pictures, and I didn't notice any shotguns present, nor did they ever really say much about it.

But it's often been the case where young people play around, make babies, and then they have to get married. Or if not that, then there might be other societal or family pressures for people to get married, so they just get married for the sake of being married.

 

[Left Coast]

Cut and run expresses your priorly conceived judgments about people who get divorced. Not what has actually happened in any given occurrence.

People get divorced for many reasons. Some of them are better than others. Some people have cut and run. And overall, divorce is not great for kids.

 

[Left Coast]

And that is the misunderstanding. Marrying without having the money for the divorce lawyer already saved is just naïve.
While marriage is the #1 cause of divorce, misjudgement of character (your spouses or your own) is not far below in the list. People who see the reality of how many marriages end in divorce and have the humility to accept they might be wrong are probably also more realistic in their assessment of the situation.

I don't see how the two are mutually exclusive. One can view marriage as more than a business negotiation and also not make dumb financial decisions.

 

[Left Coast]

Yep. Life is a sexually transmitted disease with a 100% fatality rate.

Whatever you say, Bartleby.

 

[Trailblazer]

Are you a lawyer or affiliated with one? Divorces cost money, sometimes big money. That's fine for the lawyers but for nobody else.

Do divorces cost big money is the breakup is amiable? In that case would one even need an a lawyer?

 

[Trailblazer]

Nope.
the number one cause of divorce is marriage.
Without the marriage, there is no need for divorce.

Fine, if that is your solution, but other people want to get married.
Without marriage the whole fabric of society would be destroyed.
What would happen to children?

 

[JustGeorge]

Do divorces cost big money is the breakup is amiable? In that case would one even need an a lawyer?

They cost less if all parties get along.

 

[ppp]

People get divorced for many reasons. Some of them are better than others. Some people have cut and run. And overall, divorce is not great for kids.

Overall that statement is too simplistic and pat. It overlooks complexities, nuances, and details, and fails to acknowledge their existence.

 

[Trailblazer]

Try reading the Bible sometime.
Pay close attention to the all the rules surrounding the business transaction end of marriage.
You know, how much the father of the bride gets, how to turn in a defective wife, etc.

The Bible is not my Book, so I don't go by the Bible.
The Baha'i Faith does have marriage and divorce laws but they are different from what is in the Bible.

 

[Trailblazer]

Yeah, but a lot of religions frown on pre-marital sex.

A premarital road test does not have to involve sex.
I took no such road test and everything worked out fine.

 

[Trailblazer]

But any irresponsible twit can have a kid. No license required.

Unfortunately.

 

[Trailblazer]

Wouldn't it be easier for people to just sign a contract that gave them the same benefits as being married and then they could abolish it at any time if things weren't working out?

The marriage contract can be abolished at any time by getting a divorce.

 

[libre]

Isn't this just...planned divorce? It doesn't make undoing any financial entanglements any easier, nor will it remove human feelings. Every day of a marriage is a decision to continue it. And most of us want a lifelong partner, no matter what the law would say. So I'm not sure what this proposal would "fix."

Many view divorce as a bad thing that ought to be avoided at all costs, rather than a saving grace for a marriage that isn't healthy.

 

[JustGeorge]

I think the main thing I've been confused about in this conversation is if you're going into it with the idea that it might be temporary, why marry at all? Other than than for tax reasons, why bother?

 

[loverofhumanity]

Marriages should have term limits (3-5 years) where the participants must actively choose to extend the commitment. They should constantly evaluate and reevaluate the legal, financials and personal entanglement, and decide whether the partnership is working to support their needs as an individual, as a parent, as a partner, and whatever else the persons involved deem important. Get rid of divorce. Give us re-enlistments!

And what about the children? Why should their lives be destabilised by fixed term marriages? Children need parents on a more permanent basis. I fully agree that divorce should not be granted lightly especially if children are involved as it can do psychological damage to the children and does for the remainder of their lives.

 

[Wu Wei]

Every state in the US permits no fault divorce petitions. No longer wanting to be married are legally speaking 'good grounds'. In several states they are the only grounds accepted.

not exactly what you said, your original statement was "wanting to not be married" not the same as "No fault" More to it that just not wanting to be married

I NYS there are seven grounds, legally acceptable reasons, for a divorce in New York State:

1. Irretrievable breakdown in relationship for a period of at least 6 months
2. Cruel and inhuman treatment
3. Abandonment
4. Imprisonment
5. Adultery
6. Divorce after a legal separation agreement
7. Divorce after a judgment of separation

 

[Trailblazer]

Many view divorce as a bad thing that ought to be avoided at all costs, rather than a saving grace for a marriage that isn't healthy.

People get divorced for all kinds of selfish reasons. In my religion, the Baha'i Faith, divorce is permitted, but it is heavily discouraged and the greatest efforts must be made to avoid it. In Baha'i society the only grounds for divorce are an irreconcilable antipathy between the parties.

 

[ppp]

not exactly what you said, your original statement was "wanting to not be married" not the same as "No fault" More to it that just not wanting to be married

I NYS there are seven grounds, legally acceptable reasons, for a divorce in New York State:

1. Irretrievable breakdown in relationship for a period of at least 6 months
2. Cruel and inhuman treatment
3. Abandonment
4. Imprisonment
5. Adultery
6. Divorce after a legal separation agreement
7. Divorce after a judgment of separation

https://www.nycourts.gov/LegacyPDFS/divorce/pdfs/(C)%202011-0610_1.pdf

 

[ppp]

And what about the children?

Does this really matter to you? If we structured society so that divorce did not impact the mental of physical health of children in any statistically significant way, would you still object to divorce? I am not asking if you think it is possible to do that. I am asking to find out if "the children" are your actual objection to divorce.

"Think of the children" is a cliché that refers to the appeal to emotion where an argument is made, often in the context of policy or society, emphasizing the need to prioritize children's welfare. It suggests that a proposed action or policy should be implemented or rejected based on its potential impact on children. This phrase is often used to invoke a moral panic and can be seen as a tactic to end debate by invoking a strong emotional response concerning the well-being of children.