Inexorable Consequences

[Revoltingest]

If you inform him that if he wants you he must leave his goonish ways behind, you will become fast friends.
If you become fast friends, you will take a trip to Disneyland together.

 

[4consideration]

If you take a trip to Disneyland together, you will ride on Space Mountain the whole time you are there (with just a few times on the Tea Cup ride.)

 

[Heathen Hammer]

If you ride Space Mountain the whole time you are there, you may invest in your own home made orbital rocket program, to experience space for real.

 

[BSM1]

If you invest in your own home made orbital rocket program, to experience space for real, you'll get a congratulatory fruit basket from Richard Branson.

 

[Revoltingest]

If you get a congratulatory fruit basket from Richard Branson, your digestive system will become more regular.

 

[BSM1]

If your digestive system becomes more regular, you'll start having better existential relations with other bodily functions.

 

[Revoltingest]

If you start having better existential relations with other bodily functions, you will start sharing this info with others around you.

 

[4consideration]

If you start sharing this info. with others around you, you will suddenly discover that no one wants to be around you.

 

[Revoltingest]

If you suddenly discover that no one wants to be around you, you will discover that your moniker is "Wirey".

 

[4consideration]

If you discover that your moniker is "Wirey," you will start conversations with women by saying, "How you doin'" -- even though you really don't care and don't want an actual answer.

 

[Revoltingest]

If you start conversations with women by saying, "How you doin'" -- even though you really don't care and don't
want an actual answer, you will be successful with the ladies. (We all know they value attention over sincerity.)

 

[4consideration]

If you are successful with the ladies, men will admire you and want you to teach them the secrets of your success.

 

[Revoltingest]

If men admire you, & want you to teach them the secrets of your success, you
will teach them the wrong techniques so that they cannot compete with you.

 

[4consideration]

If you teach them the wrong techniques so they cannot compete with you, you will teach them that women value sincerity over attentiveness.
If you teach them that women value sincerity over attentiveness, they will get the girls that value sincerity and you will be stuck with all the ones that want all your attention all of the time.

 

[Revoltingest]

If you are stuck with all the ones that want all your attention all of the time, you will seek out low maintenance women.

 

[4consideration]

If you seek out low maintenance women, you will find women that can maintain themselves.

 

[Revoltingest]

If you find that women can maintain themselves, Revoltingest will introduce you to his youngest sister.
If Revoltingest introduces you to his youngest sister, you will discover that some are high maintenance, & start using ear plugs.
If you start wearing ear plugs, you won't hear that big truck bearing down upon you.

 

[BSM1]

If you don't hear that big truck bearing down you, you'll discover you have latent Spidey senses.

 

[Revoltingest]

If you discover that you have latent Spidey senses, you will find that with great power comes great responsibility.

 

[4consideration]

If you find that with great power comes great responsibility, you will embark upon a quest to clean up the world -- beginning with Washington, DC.