Not really a different question, but a different perspective on it: Why should Tom not have to take responsibility for his actions? If the possibility of catching a disease doesn't stop him, if the thought of getting a woman pregnant does not balk him (or is non-existent in his mind), then realistically there shouldn't be much he shouldn't be prepared for. She may be a stalker, or a serial killer, but that is even less likely than the scenario of the OP.
And of course if you are going to have one night stands and go home with people you really don't know (or bring them home with you), you really do actually kinda have to be prepared and ready for anything. And if you cannot accept that things may happen if you have them that you aren't going to like, then you shouldn't be having them. And the possibility of sleeping with someone who can be anyone or anything is something you have to be willing to accept if you're only going to spend a few hours getting to know someone.
Not to examine Shirley's situation. It probably was in her head wondering if she should tell him, or she may have been having fun and wasn't thinking about it because she is a woman and after so many years of pain and suffering and struggling and fighting to be who she is she is being fully accepted is waaay above cloud 9. But it is also basic psychology that if people learn about something they probably wont like early on, they will ignore the good and things they like. But if they hear the bad later on, they will have had time to focus more on what they like, and are far more likely to overlook, dismiss, or excuse the bad. And when you are a woman who was born a man, telling on the first date gives us pretty much zero chance. It's our past anyways and a first date is much more about the now. But depending on how things go, and thing continue, it does have to come out, but the biggest question isn't if you tell someone, it's when. The second date may still be too early, things may just be starting by the third, but going to a fourth and you really start pushing it on what people consider waiting too long.
So in all reality, they were both using poor judgement (him with his insecurities, her with taking a huge risk), and simply put Tom is in the wrong for feeling angry, violated, and so on because things didn't work out for him. Life doesn't always work out as planned, you can't always get what you want, and it seems to me Tom is immature and has not accepted that things cannot always go his way.
