On a regular basis, yes. It starts when we're about 14 years old (and often much younger) and just keeps going. I'm 44 years old now now and it still goes on.
Different men. Everywhere. The grocery store. The bus stop. Work. School. You name it.
This isn't about hating men or fearing them so much we can't go outside. Or moving to an island alone (real practical, by the way
). It's about being
wary of strange men we encounter, especially in isolated places, based upon our life experience of strange men doing creepy and unwanted things to us.
Some random examples ...
When I was about 8 years old I was about to run across the street to my best friend's house when I guy pulled up next to me in a car and asked me how I was. I froze, and started panicking, because I froze and couldn't move. The guy started leaning across the passenger seat to open the door, and my friend yelled at me to RUN! So I did. Years later I think about how I almost got kidnapped and probably raped and murdered by some strange guy in an old car, right on front of my own house.
When I was in my twenties, I used to go out to bars with my boyfriend and my friends, like a lot of 20 year-olds do. I cannot tell you the number of times a random dude somewhere in the crowd has grabbed some part of my body, some even trying to physically force me to dance with them, thinking that is a perfectly normal way to interact with women they've never met before, AND a woman who is obviously there with her boyfriend, to boot.
My boyfriend and I attended one of those outdoor concert things, where all the bands play outside at various stages and there are huge crowds of people everywhere. We were trying to make our way out of the crowd to find the washrooms, when I got slightly separated from my boyfriend and was struggling to get back to him. Some random guy just grabbed me and pulled me against his body and wouldn't let go. My boyfriend had to literally pry me from this guy's arms. Oh, and on the way home on the GO train, it was so crowded that we all had to just stand up and hold onto something. There was a guy standing directly behind me who was clearly and obviously rubbing his genital area all over the back of me (and grossly, I could feel that he was definitely enjoying it) and there was absolutely nothing I could do. I couldn't just move away - it was far too crowded. My boyfriend said something to him but the guy pretended like he couldn't hear him. Nobody else in the crowd offered any help or anything.
Three years ago I was working in an office and there was an older man there that was really touchy feely and wanted to hug me all the time. I just thought, well, he's European and they do stuff like that so no big deal, right? Then his hugs start getting longer, and then he starts trying to kiss me on the mouth and holding onto the hug so I can't get out of it. I tell him that's enough, no more hugging, it makes me uncomfortable. I try staying away from him whenever I see him so he won't hug me. Not the easiest thing since I was supposed to be there to cater to the agents work needs, and he was one of those agents. He continues trying anyway, despite my protestations. So I decide to tell my boss what is going on. I tell him this guy won't stop trying to hug and kiss me and it's making me uncomfortable, please say something to him to let him know it's not okay. Guess what my boss said to me. ... He said, "Can I get some too?"
When I was about 15 years old, my boyfriend's father used to try to corner me when alone and grab various parts of my body as though they belonged to him. He also used to film all of us girls when we were swimming in our bathing suits. He'd also try to "tickle" all of us all the time. He'd have his friends over and they'd all make comments about my body that I guess I was supposed to find complimentary but I just thought were creepy and gross. When I told my boyfriend about what his father was doing to me and begged him not to leave me alone with his father ever again, guess what he said to me. He said I was making too much out of it and this was just normal "man" behaviour.
If this is what men are willing to do in public, imagine what they're willing to do in more isolated places.
One time when I was about 15 years old, I was staying at my older cousin's apartment in Toronto. He had some friends over with loud music playing, but I was tired so I went to bed, in his room, by myself. My female cousin was supposed to join me later on, she wanted to stay up a little longer. I woke up in the night to some guy I'd sort-of met earlier in the night, coming into the room and climbing into the bed next to me. I'm not going to go into detail on the rest, but needless to say, I had a difficult time getting out of there and I had to take some drastic measures.
When I was 13 years old, I was raped by my friend's brother (whom I'd never even met before) while I was at her house, waiting for her to return from dance class.
Chalk those up to "some guy being irritating" if you want. I don't really care at this point.
I could go on and on and on and on ...
I'm a woman, so I can't be mansplaining. But thanks for trying to mansplain that too.
This is my last post to you. I'm going to let
@Magic Man speak for me now. He gets it.
