I know that you are not a god metis......
My beliefs are the result of many years of careful study......just as yours no doubt have been. The difference between you and me is that I found my truth and have stuck to it without wavering for over 45 years, whereas you seem to have shifted between beliefs as though you were not really sure of any of them. Was there no conviction for you at any stage?
I have no doubts about what I believe and never did.....I am totally convinced of its validity and knew in my gut that I had found what I was looking for all my life. For the first time I had answers to all my questions. That was truly liberating.
My connection to my God is personal. I have all the evidence I need to know that he is real and that his word is the best wisdom that humans could ever follow. When I follow his recommendations, things just work out as they should. When things go wrong, as they inevitably will at times, implementing the Bible's advice makes everything better. It never makes a bad situation worse. I feel God's hand in my life and have since I was a child.
I believe that the evidence is all around us that creation was intelligently designed and the Bible says that two individuals were involved in the process.......but some will remain unconvinced no matter how much evidence you supply. It is hearts that respond to the truth, not just minds. God says that he is involved in that process as well. (John 6:44)
That is called faith. I have bucket loads of it, built up over time into an impenetrable wall. There is nothing of an external nature that can separate me from my Creator or make him any less than what what he is in my heart. He is someone I love and respect above all others. He has earned that place for me just by my own experiences.
I have no more direct evidence for my Creator than you do for macro-evolution....so what is the point?
Faith does not require "evidence" that is above and beyond what we already see all around us. Its is enough for millions of us, but it will never be enough for billions more. Who knows why? It is what separates us.
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No worries.....