Male Gay Characteristics

[Tamino]

So.... what could she have been making this assessment on? Aside from the obvious (whatever that might be) what would make you assume a man is gay?

Weeeellll.... I am usually the very last person who notices someone's orientation through some sort of subtle clues.
However, I'd take it as a compliment. It might just mean that you're a friendly person and she does not feel threatened by you. Or that you look nice, well-dressed and groomed. Those would be the gay cliches that come to mind.

I have never conformed to all of the gender stereotypes, and I'm bi. A lot of people don't notice, or don't mention it. Some notice, but I have no idea how they do it...

Asking her might be the easiest solution indeed!

 

[Secret Chief]

"Canadian psychologist Nicholas Rule studies social intuitions—the snap judgments we make about people we’ve just met. In a series of experiments, he and his colleagues tested people’s abilities to judge others’ sexual orientation, and came to the conclusion that gaydar is real. And the way it works tells us a lot about the nature of social intuitions in general."

Is ‘Gaydar’ Really a Thing?

People can be surprisingly accurate at judging others’ sexual orientation from nonverbal cues, but only because ‘gaydar’ works just like other social intuitions.

www.psychologytoday.com

It really is thing. Gaydar.

She needs hers fixing then!

 

[Secret Chief]

Weeeellll.... I am usually the very last person who notices someone's orientation through some sort of subtle clues.
However, I'd take it as a compliment. It might just mean that you're a friendly person and she does not feel threatened by you. Or that you look nice, well-dressed and groomed. Those would be the gay cliches that come to mind.

I have never conformed to all of the gender stereotypes, and I'm bi. A lot of people don't notice, or don't mention it. Some notice, but I have no idea how they do it...

Asking her might be the easiest solution indeed!

I think I shall.

 

[Father Heathen]

In my country, a male who won't catcall pretty women who look like Miss Italy is automatically called gay.

So in order to be attracted to women, Italians believe that you have to be willing to sexually harass or assault them?

 

[McBell]

Weeeellll.... I am usually the very last person who notices someone's orientation through some sort of subtle clues.
However, I'd take it as a compliment. It might just mean that you're a friendly person and she does not feel threatened by you. Or that you look nice, well-dressed and groomed. Those would be the gay cliches that come to mind.

I have never conformed to all of the gender stereotypes, and I'm bi. A lot of people don't notice, or don't mention it. Some notice, but I have no idea how they do it...

Asking her might be the easiest solution indeed!

Well, apparently I do not have a gaydar.
Or if I do, I have no idea how it works.

 

[McBell]

So in order to be attracted to women, Italians believe that you have to be willing to sexually harass or assault them?

I took it to mean that if you do not want Italian women to think you are gay you have to sexually harass them...

 

[libre]

So in order to be attracted to women, Italians believe that you have to be willing to sexually harass or assault them?

I don't think that attitude is that much different than America, albeit exaggerated.

There are definitely many straight men in North America who's masculinity is handcuffed to harassment and misogyny - an electoral candidate being a prime example.

 

[Father Heathen]

I took it to mean that if you do not want Italian women to think you are gay you have to sexually harass them...

By that logic, wouldn't being gay require them to sexually harass other men?

 

[McBell]

By that logic, wouldn't being gay require them to sexually harass other men?

One would think it would.
But when dealing with the egos of humans, I have found that logic is seldom employed.

 

[Father Heathen]

I don't think that attitude is that much different than America, albeit exaggerated.

There are definitely many straight men in North America who's masculinity is handcuffed to harassment and misogyny - an electoral candidate being a prime example.

There are, but such behavior - especially in public - is generally frowned upon rather than an accepted social norm.

 

[exchemist]

This was unexpected...
A woman that I have worked with for about a year somehow managed to mention in conversation that she had assumed I was gay. Have you not heard me mention the word "wife" I asked. She had, but it didn't seem crucial in her assessment. I was bemused. She became embarrassed so I didn't ask how she had come to this apparently obvious conclusion.
(It's not that long ago that a woman was seriously hitting on me so I don't think I'm the most camp man on the planet).
So.... what could she have been making this assessment on? Aside from the obvious (whatever that might be) what would make you assume a man is gay?

She could have been just fishing for a reply indicating you were available. The opposite sex can be crafty.

 

[McBell]

There are, but such behavior - especially in public - is generally frowned upon rather than an accepted social norm.

It is my understanding that back in the 40's 50's it was considered cool.
At least by construction workers.

Perhaps Italy just hasn't gotten caught up?

 

[Secret Chief]

She could have been just fishing for a reply indicating you were available. The opposite sex can be crafty.

Please don't. She is on the hunt... but I had mentioned my wife previously...

 

[ChristineM]

The opposite sex can be crafty.

Surely not ;-)

 

[ChristineM]

Please don't. She is on the hunt... but I had mentioned my wife previously...

Keep mentioning her...

 

[exchemist]

Please don't. She is on the hunt... but I had mentioned my wife previously...

Aha!

It is awkward when an attractive woman indicates an interest in you when you are happily married. It used to make me feel kind of wistful.........

 

[Secret Chief]

It is my understanding that back in the 40's 50's it was considered cool.
At least by construction workers.

 

[Tamino]

Well, apparently I do not have a gaydar.
Or if I do, I have no idea how it works.

At last it's just the gaydar
In my case, I have a few autistic traits and my entire people-dar is broken. I also don't notice when people are angry at me or trying to flirt. And when one of my cousins grew a beard, I mistook him for his sister's new boyfriend until he opened his mouth and I recognized his voice.

 

[Evangelicalhumanist]

This was unexpected...
A woman that I have worked with for about a year somehow managed to mention in conversation that she had assumed I was gay. Have you not heard me mention the word "wife" I asked. She had, but it didn't seem crucial in her assessment. I was bemused. She became embarrassed so I didn't ask how she had come to this apparently obvious conclusion.
(It's not that long ago that a woman was seriously hitting on me so I don't think I'm the most camp man on the planet).
So.... what could she have been making this assessment on? Aside from the obvious (whatever that might be) what would make you assume a man is gay?

As a gay man myself, I learned long ago never to guess and never to assume about anyone else's sexual orientation. You are more likely to be wrong than you suppose. Supposed "gaydar" isn't quite fool-proof, believe me.

As Tallulah Bankhead once remarked, when asked about Montgomery Clift (by Dorothy Parker), "Well, darling, I really wouldn't know. He never sucked my ...."

 

[PureX]

This was unexpected...
A woman that I have worked with for about a year somehow managed to mention in conversation that she had assumed I was gay. Have you not heard me mention the word "wife" I asked. She had, but it didn't seem crucial in her assessment. I was bemused. She became embarrassed so I didn't ask how she had come to this apparently obvious conclusion.
(It's not that long ago that a woman was seriously hitting on me so I don't think I'm the most camp man on the planet).
So.... what could she have been making this assessment on? Aside from the obvious (whatever that might be) what would make you assume a man is gay?

As I’ve gotten older I’ve come to realize that there is no way for me to tell who is gay or who isn’t. Some people ‘advertise‘ it but most don’t. Or only do so in specific situations. So most of theme I really couldn’t guess. And I really don’t care, anyway.

The fact that your coworker made that comment tells me that she is not very well informed about any of this, so there is no reason to think she has any legitimate reason to presume you were gay. I’d just forget about it.