Just found this on an older (2009) in yahoo groups.
Message #28 of 45 < Prev | Next >
'Overwhelmed with fear after being dismissed from MasterPath'
I'm a former Chela of the Masterpath and.. I'm left with a lot of fears and
questions. Part of me wishes that all I was told wasn't real, that gary is a
fraud.. so I can breath again.. and still have hope.
In the time I was on the MasterPath I was as devoted as I could possibally be, I
was sure I had found the truth and was very happy to finally have hope. I desire
truth and spirituality more than I can describe..I gave everything in me to the
MasterPath and Gary Olsen.....my trust, my heart and my commitment was given the
best I could give it.. but then something went very wrong. Fear began to consume
me from statments I've heard gary make. Overwhelmed me to a point that all I
could do was feel this fear..
Gary teaches that most, if not all he says is only a 1/2 truth, as everything
has it's opposite, including the truth's he says he speaks. The Chela's job is
to blend all relative statments into an abstract truth.
Gary will occasionaly ilucidate and explain how, what sounds like a
condriction, is actually two opposite components of pure truth.. in a way that
allows the Chela to make full sense of those opposite statments sometimes.. yet
I many times wonder why not just explain the middle road itself? For example..
Gary will say "god will never leave you".. later he will say "god is very
sensitive and if you offend him, he will just leave you, sometimes for days"..
When I think about that. I think, Ok so what he means is god will be with me
always 'in essence'? but perhaps take his attention off me? for sometimes
days?.. then I kind of wonder... why not just say that. Rather than a strong
statement of "God WILL leave you"?
Well, I worked my best to understand what so many opposite or contradictory
statments have in common and the reality in them, if blended. Only to end up
extreemly confused and terrified. Gary has said "If you leave the Path, you
don't have my blessings", he's said "if you want to leave the Path, fine,
suffer" he's said "Those who aren't on the Path are just out of luck"...He says
"I'll never push a Chela into initiation"..I was kicked from the masterPath for
not accepting the 2nd iniation after 2 years, bcz I didn't feel ready..I needed
longer before raising the energys, that gary says rise upon iniation, with so
much fear inside me...I did not feel prepared.
Gary says that "MasterPath does not want your money".. MasterPath kept all my
prepaid money for dues and seminar fees(that were never used) after I was
kicked...I dont believe thay give refunds..These lead me to many questions and
massive fears that never leave me.
Now I'm feeling like I'm "out of luck", doomed to "suffer", "without
blesings"..and that "noone cares about" me. Gary once said "Noone cares about
you, except for him(The Master)", he even went on for awhile impressing that
feeling into his Chela's. Leaveing me convinced that noone cares about me... but
all these are relative statments right? I must blend the extreems somehow to
understand what's meant right?
Gary once said "if you somehow think or feel derogatory of the master, you're
cutting your neck" I once thought about that..and thought to myself 'ok, I must
not ever think this', then BAM!..just the thought of what I shouldnt think
produced the very thought I shouldn't think..resulting in me feeling like it's
impossible to make it, bcz this seems to happen automatically when I think of
what I shouldnt think. The thought appeared bcz I simply thought of the subject,
to not think, or I'm doomed.. it's a no win
.. now it's too late.. I've cut my
neck
..
I'm now off the Path.. lost.. confused, in extreem pain, fear and anxiety.
Feeling like life is nothing but a crule trap. If gary's real, them I'm doomed,
uncared for, out of luck and I'm more or less an "animal" or the "walking dead"
as he calls those who dont have the consciousness similar to his. He "cant
afford to care for anyone other than his Chelas" so I don't ever expect to hear
from him again.
He's so convincing that I don't know if I'll ever know if he's real or not.. if
he is.. then I'm probably getting very bad karma for posting this..and if he's
not.. then maybe someone out there can help me understand and pick up some of
the pieces of my life that have been shattered.
I don't think I'll ever be well again, my life is completely crippled by the
fear and anxiety...maybe it's just me, and I'm too unevolved to understand ...
and there's nothing wrong with the Masterpath at all. Gary states "MasterPath is
one of most perfect, cleanest paths one can find, with a Perfect master". With
that degree of perefction I figure my limited consciousness is what leads me to
completely misundersood what was told, and what was meant by those quotes
above...if I did misunderstand.. If an old Chela could help me understand these
..'abstract truths'?.. I would be very grateful, incase MasterPath is real and
I'm in great error, speaking of what Gary has said, to bring me to this point in
life.
..bcz in truth, this is probably all my fault, that I was rejected as such and I
diserve this suffering for my mistakes.
I would ask the Masterpath to help but the only way to reach them is via
physical letter.. no phone #.. no email.. and I'm not even sure if I dare to
hear their reply, so I'm more-so looking for a current or past Chela or someone
with experience with the masterPath to help me understand...and possibally cope
with all thats crippled me via my understanding."