Men and women and the Orgasm Gap

[Wherenextcolumbus]

I just read the article and it confirmed for me what I mentioned in another thread about hookups and why I don't think I could do them, and one of the reasons was that I don't know if they would care about my pleasure and now I know for sure that most likely they wouldn't.

 

[Skwim]

I agree with the social dominance theory, but I also see male ejaculatory bias as not simply symptomatic of social dominance, but a factor in how sex, marriage, and even evolutionary biology is viewed (sorry, even scientists in our culture don't get a free pass from me ).

But how sex is viewed IS a product of the "social dominance" concept. As I said, "males tend to be more dominant than females, hence their needs are better tended to."

Sex is assumed to be primarily viewed as having a baby-making purpose, . . .

At least not in western cultures. I think if you check the studies you'll see that pleasure far outstrips procreation as the reason.

One study: Here

 

[Me Myself]

I believe a lot of it comes from **** shaming.

Women tend to be more complicated than men with orgasms, so its vital they comunicate (verbally or otherwise) their sexual needs. If they feel ashamed to do this, then there is a problem and ere is going to be a wide gap.

Also maybe there is a component of fear of commitment from the part of e male on a one night stand? They might associate more foreplay kissing, tenderness, etc, to a more "romantic" approach that could confuse the woman into believing he may want more than a one nit stand? (i am completely guessing there )

I mean, I think most men go with the "if it aint broke, dont fix it" command and they will do what they feel to do in each sexual encounter and if the partner is not complaining and is compliant then most likely she is enjoying it? (Remember I didnt say all men here. I wouldnt feel myself in this category )

Also to some degree the mentality that if they are having sex they already "scored" so, no much attention on actually scoring some points with her, caude they think they "won" the game already.

I guess its more or less treating them how they treat themselves: men having sex= he is happy,like, HE IS HAVING SEX, DUH! So, they may assume the woman is just equally happy.

I also think being more visual in general tends to help us be more easily aroused. If we are with a woman we find sexy, its difficult that she would not make us enjoy with practically any contact with our penis.

I think a lot comes with "sex is the end of the game and its my prize and i am her prize" mentality instead of "game have just began! Lets score some points!" Mentality.

Then again, al of that is very theoretical for me. I ve had only one sex partner, we both like foreplay, and she loves missionary. What can I say?

 

[Me Myself]

But how sex is viewed IS a product of the "social dominance" concept. As I said, "males tend to be more dominant than females, hence their needs are better tended to."

True, we tend to be. I think a lot of the problem comes from women being afraid of being """too bossy""" """ unfemenine""" cause of telling the man what to do, or most likely than not """slutty""" or """naggy""".

Even like physically telling the man what to do instead of verbally. That was can be hot, but they may be disincouraged from the inside, for the **** shaming mostly.

 

[MysticSang'ha]

True, we tend to be. I think a lot of the problem comes from women being afraid of being """too bossy""" """ unfemenine""" cause of telling the man what to do, or most likely than not """slutty""" or """naggy""".

Even like physically telling the man what to do instead of verbally. That was can be hot, but they may be disincouraged from the inside, for the **** shaming mostly.

I think these are good points, too.

 

[InformedIgnorance]

Historically I would suggest the OP has undeniably been the case and this is entrenched in many cultures in terms of the stipulations over sexual acts that do not contribute towards the chance of reproduction (though it is worth noting that some religions such as Islam I believe, do indeed actually mention foreplay as being something almost obligatory in that a man that does not sufficiently perform it for his wife is being crude, not really fulfilling his duties). Given that the world population growth seems to indicate everyone is breeding like rabbits, perhaps focusing on non-procreation related sexual activities might alleviate some of the burdens our species is having on the earth while at the same time enhancing the experience for half the population on earth and by doing so enhance the experience for most of the other half too.

I have to say though, given rather ambiguous nature and importance of gender roles in contemporary as opposed to traditional settings, the shift in terms of roles in relationship let alone sexual settings is far from simple.

While we suggest male role in society is not what it once was, the same characteristics which were part of that traditional role in society are still often (but less so) seen as desirable in terms of at least starting a relationship - it is often the case that it is stated that the man should be confident and approach the woman, pursue and court etc, this suggests a reasonably traditional (though less so than it used to be) approach to gender roles in initiation of romance or other relationships, yet that is clearly not the case in many respects (one would quickly be characterized as a chauvinist were one to expect that the traditional gender roles were maintained in any way that was incumbent on females as opposed to males whether in courtship or an ongoing relationship let alone sexual settings). I would suggest therefore that barring a firm understanding between the parties as to how they will progress, people naturally fall into what they think is expected of them (in the bedroom or elsewhere I suppose lol) based on their perception of norms.

 

[Me Myself]

Historically I would suggest the OP has undeniably been the case and this is entrenched in many cultures in terms of the stipulations over sexual acts that do not contribute towards the chance of reproduction (though it is worth noting that some religions such as Islam I believe, do indeed actually mention foreplay as being something almost obligatory in that a man that does not sufficiently perform it for his wife is being crude, not really fulfilling his duties). Given that the world population growth seems to indicate everyone is breeding like rabbits, perhaps focusing on non-procreation related sexual activities might alleviate some of the burdens our species is having on the earth while at the same time enhancing the experience for half the population on earth and by doing so enhance the experience for most of the other half too.

I have to say though, given rather ambiguous nature and importance of gender roles in contemporary as opposed to traditional settings, the shift in terms of roles in relationship let alone sexual settings is far from simple.

Absolutely. i would expect the orgasm gap to vary between countries, socio economics, cultures, etc.

It may also be a bit about definition. I mean, not all ejaculations are as satisfying, but almost always if the guy ejaculated one says he reached orgasm (even the guy himself)

Also we have premature ejaculation become more and more common, and other sexual complications males becoming more common.

It is an intricated issue indeed, with many variables and places from which the issue can be tackled.

 

[InformedIgnorance]

x.x i really need to stop editing my posts after I post them x.x stupid brain. sorry MM

 

[Penumbra]

Anybody who's ever paid close attention to my posts at RF open forums concerning sexuality very well might remember my contention that much of our cultural attitudes toward sex take - what I call - "male ejaculatory bias." There sometimes is a smug satisfaction when another writer shares my opinion on the matter.

OK, personal victory aside, here is an article that challenges the assumption that the only sex that "qualifies" as real sex is intercourse ending in male ejaculation.

From the link:


My thoughts are that the assumption comes from a sexual paradigm that emphasizes procreative sex as the ideal over sexual activities that bond through play, romance, or even recreation. That procreative sex where males are ultimately satisfied as the exclamation point of the experience, the "money shot", is the goal. Hence, my personal critique that our culture suffers from male ejaculatory bias.

Let's talk about this, shall we?

Well, at least the article shows that the orgasm gap is the smallest in relationships. The more serious it gets, the closer to equal it gets.

I'm actually surprised by the low male orgasm statistics too. Only 31% of men orgasm in the first sexual hookup? Less than one-third? If only one-third of men and only one-tenth of women are having orgasm in the first sexual hook-up, I think they're using a pretty broad definition of what a sexual hook-up is.

 

[Dereknor]

Oh, I just found this thread (and this forum by the way). It might be a bit outdated, but I still feel the need to answer

I had a lot of sex in my life, and most of the time, it didnt end in my ejaculation. My best sexual experiances ended with a female orgasm (or orgasms). I even had a lot of sex without actually penetrating the girl. And still, I call it sex. No penetration or ejaculation is needed to have great sex

The girl I'm with at the moment had some bad experiances in her life with egoistic males, just wanting to ejaculate. So I'm holding back my ejaculation for her, and we both are just focusing on her orgasms. She is cumming for both of us! The nice thing is, the gets more and more lust and energy the more the orgasms. And I get more and more lust and energy when I dont orgasms. Its funny how males and females react so different.

At the moment, its about 200 of her orgasms to 0 of mine. So I dont know yet how big the orgasm gap is going to be at the end. Maybe 1000:1?

 

[Gehennaite]

Let's talk about this, shall we?

I never understood how pathetic my fellow brethren were at intercourse.

The only relationship I experienced intercourse with lasted nearly two years, and my partner climaxed more than I did. I don't ever recall climaxing first. The majority of the time she climaxed first and I had to finish shortly after. Sometimes we experienced mutual climax. And other times I couldn't climax at all after she did. The only time I would climax when she wouldn't is when she wasn't in the mood but would agree to let me masturbate to her.

I entered this relationship as a virgin but I knew how to perform. It's instinctual. The whole stigmatism with virginity in this culture is pathetic and disgusting. It all comes down to having confidence in yourself and having a passion for what you're doing. That being said, that will be the first & last of women for me.

 

[Saint Frankenstein]

I don't understand when people say that males and females are so different when it comes to making a female have an orgasm. They act like they've never heard of the clitoris.

 

[oldbadger]

We must all come from different planets............Male ejaculatory bias?

There is a tiny area on my lover's thigh, which rises in goose pimples several seconds before she will fly into the clouds-and-rain. And so I slow or cease, and then commence again, and again. And as my darling surges and shudders in her quest, it is my privilege to be with her. Over the decades I have learned that she prefers that I do not release within her, and so when she has recovered she sends me skywards in her own way.
I have read about male climaxes only lasting for six seconds, but she sends me into ecstatic convulsion for a very very long time, it seems like nearly a full minute.

So when I read about 'male ejaculatory bias' and 'real sex', even about couples 'having sex' (we went to the park, watched a show, ate dinner at Forbes, went home and had sex', I doubt that these folks have reached anywhere close to 'making love'.

 

[Straw Dog]

Sometimes my girlfriend will orgasm and I won't. I'll just say that I don't have to finish everytime. It really messes with her head.

 

[Straw Dog]

I don't understand when people say that males and females are so different when it comes to making a female have an orgasm. They act like they've never heard of the clitoris.

There's the clitoral orgasm and then a deeper vaginal orgasm that's a little more challenging to accomplish.

 

[Saint Frankenstein]

There's the clitoral orgasm and then a deeper vaginal orgasm that's a little more challenging to accomplish.

I'm skeptical about the vaginal orgasm. I'm not saying it's impossible, but if it does happen, it only happens to a rare few.

 

[Straw Dog]

I'm skeptical about the vaginal orgasm. I'm not saying it's impossible, but if it does happen, it only happens to a rare few.

Good point. Might be better to stick with tried and true methods.

 

[freethinker44]

Sometimes my girlfriend will orgasm and I won't. I'll just say that I don't have to finish everytime. It really messes with her head.

Not for me, it hurts to stop. I'll have to finish on my own if she is done before me.

 

[Straw Dog]

Not for me, it hurts to stop. I'll have to finish on my own if she is done before me.

This is usually only after having already done it once or earlier in the day.

 

[Sunstone]

I'm skeptical about the vaginal orgasm. I'm not saying it's impossible, but if it does happen, it only happens to a rare few.

I'd guess it was more common, but only based on anecdotal evidence.