Muslims: Keeping the wife "in line"

[Kilgore Trout]

for my opinion about "slap of love " (which i told that woman fall in love more and more when she slapped by her man , when she got wrong with him "

Are you sure you aren't confusing Islam with S&M?

 

[Godobeyer]

Are you sure you aren't confusing Islam with S&M?

I am sure , what about you , are you sure when you considerate the jaeolous as coward is over and a reason to let your wife cheat on you ?

 

[Kilgore Trout]

I am sure , what about you , are you sure when you considerate the jaeolous as coward is over and a reason to let your wife cheat on you ?

My wife would never cheat on me. She likes that I'm not a coward and that I don't beat her. If I became a jealous, insecure weakling who started hitting her, then I wouldn't blame her for cheating. Women prefer to be with real men. Well, at least my wife does.

 

[Godobeyer]

Hadith explicitly forbids getting anywhere near the face with regards to "beating". Your definition seems to make room for slapping/punching, and even harsh beating because the wife is supposedly "insubordinate".

accuatly what i am sure about is" beat" insubordinate woman
by which kind and strongth , by left hand or right hand or with siwak ...etc , this is which i am not sure about .

 

[Godobeyer]

My wife would never cheat on me. She likes that I'm not a coward and that I don't beat her. If I became a jealous, insecure weakling who started hitting her, then I wouldn't blame her for cheating. Women prefer to be with real men. Well, at least my wife does.

I just want to check your last post , because you shocked me , when you tell me if I jealous i am coward

first i guess you misunderstand my definition for jeolous is :
when you see her talking with some one (forgien) man and smilling to him and maybe kiss his cheeks
or dance with her ...etc

 

[Enlighten]

first i guess you misunderstand my definition for jeolous is :
when you see her talking with some and smilling to him and maybe kiss his cheeks
or dance with her ...etc

Can i please add, at my wedding, I danced, chatted, smiled at many men and yes they even kissed me on the cheek, even the minister gave me a kiss. Does that count as cheating?

Edit: I also danced with some too.

 

[Draka]

My wife would never cheat on me. She likes that I'm not a coward and that I don't beat her. If I became a jealous, insecure weakling who started hitting her, then I wouldn't blame her for cheating. Women prefer to be with real men. Well, at least my wife does.

See, this is the thing right there. If a man is secure in himself and shows trust and is trustworthy himself, there should never be any need to worry about cheating or getting jealous. A woman who feels loved and trusted and knows her partner is secure in themselves is more likely to remain faithful. There is never any need for any physical abuse (or "discipline" ).

Godobeyer, a woman, when loved and trusted and treated as an equal in all ways, will love that man above all others. Women who are slapped, hit, yelled at, admonished, or otherwise abused do not stay because they like it. They stay because they're scared to leave. They may bow and cower and tell you what you want to hear (act like they love you), but that is to try to save themselves. It's self-preservation in an abusive environment.

 

[Kilgore Trout]

I just want to check your last post , because you shocked me , when you tell me if I jealous i am coward

first i guess you misunderstand my definition for jeolous is :
when you see her talking with some one (forgien) man and smilling to him and maybe kiss his cheeks
or dance with her ...etc

if your wife smiling and talking with another man makes you angry enough to hit her, then yes, you are insecure, jealous, and a coward.

 

[Draka]

I just want to check your last post , because you shocked me , when you tell me if I jealous i am coward

first i guess you misunderstand my definition for jeolous is :
when you see her talking with some one (forgien) man and smilling to him and maybe kiss his cheeks
or dance with her ...etc

Jealously is born of a sense of ownership and insecurity and inability to trust (which most often has more to do with the jealous person than the person not trusted). If Kilgore Trout does not feel he owns his wife, is not insecure in himself, and trusts his wife...then he has no need to be jealous if she speaks with another man.

 

[Vinayaka]

Gosh, I so admire all you guys for patiently continuing with this.

 

[Godobeyer]

Can i please add, at my wedding, I danced, chatted, smiled at many men and yes they even kissed me on the cheek, even the minister gave me a kiss. Does that count as cheating?

Edit: I also danced with some too.

your husband saw that ?

 

[Enlighten]

your husband saw that ?

Yes, why? So did my family members who were there.

Edit: I should add I also danced, smiled and was kissed on the cheek by many women too.

 

[Godobeyer]

if your wife smiling and talking with another man makes you angry enough to hit her, then yes, you are insecure, jealous, and a coward.

maybe , and if you see your wife dancing with some one , you will be jealous or you had open mind ?

 

[Kilgore Trout]

your husband saw that ?

If you imagine (if you had a wife) your wife smiling and talking to another man, what emotion is it that you're feeling that would make you want to strike her? The answer, if people are being honest, is fear. It makes you afraid that she might leave you for somebody else or like someone else better. Part of becoming a mature and secure person is being able to see and understand our primitive, root emotions, why they happen, and whether they are productive or not. Any time you react emotionally from fear, it is almost always a bad thing. It is letting weakness control you, instead of you having the wisdom and strength to not give into immature and destructive impulses.

 

[Kilgore Trout]

maybe , and if you see your wife dancing with some one , you will be jealous or you had open mind ?

My wife has danced with other men at many functions and situations. Mature, secure people have no problem with this. Dancing is not cheating. Smiling is not cheating. Talking is not cheating. The irony is that people who try to control their partner because they are jealous, are more likely to end up driving their partner away and eventually causing them to cheat.

 

[Debater Slayer]

I would definitely feel bad if I saw my wife dancing with another man, and it would most likely break our relationship. The thing is, you don't find out that she has no problem doing so overnight; you marry someone who shares similar views and values to avoid having to desperately "slap" her in an attempt to revive your relationship.

However unlikely it is for this to happen, I'd just divorce her, because by slapping her not only would I be desperate, but also degrading myself. What's the point of forcing her back into marriage through a slap when I know she doesn't respect me?

 

[Draka]

My wife has danced with other men at many functions and situations. Mature, secure people have no problem with this. Dancing is not cheating. Smiling is not cheating. Talking is not cheating. The irony is that people who try to control their partner because they are jealous, are more likely to end up driving their partner away and eventually causing them to cheat.

:yes:

 

[Draka]

I would definitely feel bad if I saw my wife dancing with another man, and it would most likely break our relationship. The thing is, you don't find out that she has no problem doing so overnight; you marry someone who shares similar views and values to avoid having to desperately "slap" her in an attempt to revive your relationship.

However unlikely it is for this to happen, I'd just divorce her, because by slapping her not only would I be desperate, but also degrading myself. What's the point of forcing her back into marriage through a slap when I know she doesn't respect me?

That's a great point I don't think Godobeyer is willing to see. If you slap your spouse because you feel they are "disrespecting" you in some way, how much respect do you think they are going to have for you after you hit them? Less and less and less. To the point that you basically have a beaten slave of a woman who feels nothing for you at all except hate and contempt.

 

[Enlighten]

I would definitely feel bad if I saw my wife dancing with another man, and it would most likely break our relationship. The thing is, you don't find out that she has no problem doing so overnight; you marry someone who shares similar views and values to avoid having to desperately "slap" her in an attempt to revive your relationship.

However unlikely it is for this to happen, I'd just divorce her, because by slapping her not only would I be desperate, but also degrading myself. What's the point of forcing her back into marriage through a slap when I know she doesn't respect me?

Why is dancing with someone wrong?

 

[Godobeyer]

Jealously is born of a sense of ownership and insecurity and inability to trust (which most often has more to do with the jealous person than the person not trusted). If Kilgore Trout does not feel he owns his wife, is not insecure in himself, and trusts his wife...then he has no need to be jealous if she speaks with another man.

look Draka , maybe you are the only one that i felt that you understand my point .
as i see you have in the west the jealous doesnt equal the trust
as I see that :the trust and freedom had no limites
this is two points i am against them .
why
because the jealous is a proof of care and love ,even the animals jealous for their females !!!

for me the trust and freedom had limite
for exemple :
even i trust in my wife i will never let her work in bar until 2:00 am

for make you understand me more , even you trust in your husband you will feel sorry about his past relationship , you wished that you are the first love for him right ?

even you trust in your husband you will never let him work in bar with (..... ) to the morning .

even you trust in your husband you will never let him sleep in the bad with forgien woman .