Sadly, I have done all the things you've mentioned with him. I have been there every step of the way and he has told me as much. His behavior is puzzling to me for that very reason.
Persevere, that's all you can do. Show him you love him, and he will accept it. I know it sounds a bit harsh, but I don't think he's the most mature for his age.
Yes, you are correct: I love my son. However, his utter disdain for his father's concern is maddening.
What things does he do despite your concern, besides the religion?
Is he doing drugs, an alcoholic, a violent hooligan, a street racer, making graffiti on nurseries, or walking around with a knife in his pocket ready to stab someone who looks at him funny?
Or is he just being a normal teenager, completely ignoring what you say, staying out late, listening to crap music, and doing things to annoy you?
She has confided in me that she has given up on trying to get him to be honest. It is now her intention to leave the state as soon as he goes off to college.
Oh dear, I'm sorry to hear that. That's no good, though.
He had been working diligently toward a degree in architecture and had applied at one of the country's premier schools for architecture. Now he is saying he may take "a year or so off" before he goes to college.
Maybe it will be good for him: maybe he will find himself during that year off. I'd suggest you gently encourage him to go to college after a year though.
It's a cold thing to say, i realize. But come on! I could NEVER give up my family for any religion, job, or virtually ANYTHING.
You need to potentially look at it from his point of view if he is truly serious about his choice. Put yourself in his shoes, with the religions reversed:
You are young. Confused. You have bad habits. Your parents are split up, and you seem to have bad relations with them. You get no inner peace from your religion that your parent/s has/have. You try various mosques. You decide to try Christianity for inner peace. You adhere to it. You don't expect others to join it. You don't see them as the enemy. You speak to your father. Your father is incredibly angry and cuts you off from your siblings.
Is that fair? Of course it's not.
His priorities are all askew.
He is young.
That said, I am holding my ground for now. I want to see how he handles this situation. At some point, i will allow him to see his brother and sister again, but it will be supervised.
No, you should let him see them often. You will only make yourself the bad guy. Why, exactly, do you need to stop him seeing his siblings because he's converted to another religion? Would you do if he said he was becoming a Wiccan, a Mormon, a Buddhist, a Hindu?
I hope he wakes up and realizes the value of family. It is just plain stupid to choose a religion over your family.
In the same way, I hope you too realize the value of your family: it's stupid to cut off your child from his own family because of religion. Family should transcend religion. The only thing you run the risk of doing here is losing your son. You don't want to do that, I am sure.
Religion is something personal. You choose your religion, even if others do not approve of it. He's almost 18, almost an adult, he can pick whatever religion he likes and there will be nothing you can do about it as you will no longer be his guardian, just his parent. Another person should not influence your religion.
It is
you who put these restrictions on
him, it is
you who has made
him be put in a position where he is stuck between his own family and his religion. That's not nice of you, and you know it.
Save yourself from the potential heartache of losing your son. Save him the heartache of having to choose between things that are important to him.
You're his father, after all.
