If I really knew how to help you I'd apply it to my own life. I think you need to narrow down your reasons for feeling off towards Islam, pinpoint the issues that worry you, and investigate them. The only way to get through barriers sometimes is to dismantle them.
This seems the most logical.
I tried salah, the prayers, and even tried the hijab! It's a complete departure from my lifestyle here in the UK where no one I know is Muslim. Heck, I even secretly went against my family, I had to keep it from them because most are intolerant and one is downright phobic of anything that isn't the "norm".
I feel for you, it seems you were so intrigued and attracted to this faith that was so alien from what you were doing.
Know that almost ANY faith that you try is going to is going to have elements of adopting new habits, it's great when these habits just fall into place but sometimes they don't. As with salah and hijab these were so different than what I was doing. Each time, I must admit I loved the feeling of hijab, nothing compared to this feeling of femininity and duty I fulfilled when covering my awrah. However, it's not always that easy, imagine someone converting to a religion where they must change their diet, be vegetarian or eat like a Jain or eat halal or kosher, these are things that should not stop you from practicing your faith of choice, but rather they are small steps you take, do not tackle all at once regardless of what path you go down.
And certainly do not feel defeated just because you have not found the right faith, many search for years, abandon and then return to their religion of choice, in the end all are winners.
It was things in Islam that people told me to just accept that bothered me. Even if I understood it intellectually, like why X was authorised by Allah, it didnt feel right and no one told me how to deal with those feelings.
The answer to dealing with these things would be to investigate both internally and within the faith. Realize that just because you choose a religious label does not mean you will understand all parts of the faith within a short time. There are many within a faith who will not see eye to eye on some things i.e. abortion/afterlife/lifestyle choices and etc and their stances on these things may change as they progress in faith, but it should not deter them from accepting other principles within the faith they admire.
Most importantly, remember that you may compromise your own personal choice and freedom in choosing a religion that sits well with each one of your family members, friends and spouse. This is not to say you need to forsake relationships, but it's OK for family members to have pointed opinions on what you do. When people are intolerant, there's much to be intolerant about. You're a grown up, you don't need approval to make life changes. The more you worry about how they will take certain changes, the more you accommodate their control or direction of your spiritual life...
sorry to rant ... sorry anything sounded preachy, really not meaning to be that way..just very quickly typed.
only ever love for you kitty!
