Opinions on Spanking

[Aquitaine]

YUCK! Actually my parents were sort of like that - boy, did they ever believe in LONG TERM PUNISHMENTS.

I personally think that's overkill usually. To me, weeks or months of punishment creates a lot of resentment and can be counterproductive.

Now, we had a recent situation at our house though that I think we handled well. Our youngest son was fifteen at the time (this was last year). When we were both at work, he found the truck keys and snuck out. HE WRECKED THE TRUCK. Not bad, but it was a fender bender. Now - THAT is a serious violation, on a number of fronts.

We had a $500 deductible on our insurance. We made him work to earn that money. We have a big place - we live out in the country. We paid him $8 an hour to do yardwork, wash vehicles, paint, work on fences, etc. till he paid off that $500. It took him most of the summer (weekends only). We didn't make him work all weekend, every weekend. We pay him to do hard work around here nearly every Saturday anyway - but that money went into our pockets instead of his till that deductible was paid. I thought that was appropriate.

You don't even have to be spanked that much, only once - from there the threat of being spanked is usually enough, atleast for me it was.

Although, every child is different, that we cannot deny. Some respond terribly to a spank and it would have a nasty affect, but from what I've gathered during my lifetime, is that it's generally OK just as long as it's not over-done etc.

Of course, positive reinforcement is a good thing too, but just as they need encouragement to do good, they need deterent when it comes to misbehaving - that deterent can range from taking away toys/privilages to spanking, or to be threatened with a spank, but not actually spanked. A lot of people in this thread have different opinions and strategies, and to be honest, I think all of them have potential to work really well, it just depends on the child, and how the parenting is done.

 

[Autodidact]

You use your research. I'll listen to my gut and stay out of trouble because I dont exactly like pain.

?? Don't get you. If parents didn't spank, you wouldn't have pain.

 

[Autodidact]

Rogue, you are a wise man.

My oldest daughter has four adorable children. For awhile, she tried that "talk everything through" thing. Her kids were getting OUT OF CONTROL! I was mad as a wet hen, because doggone it, I didn't raise her that way - when it was appropriate, I spanked my kids. (Like you said, not very often - probably fewer times than I have fingers in their lifetimes).

I had my oldest granddaughter for the weekend when she was about 4. We were in a store and she was doing that typical kid thing - whining and bugging me for candy in the checkout line. Now, this was AFTER I had bought her toys - in fact, we were IN TOYS R US! She was actually going to whine and pout after I bought her a cartload of toys because I wasn't going to buy her candy!

Uhhh..no way.

I turned around to her in that line and looked her dead in the eye, and I said to her, "Maggie, you've got two choices. You can either keep whining, or you can shut your mouth. You're not getting any candy either way. But if you keep whining, I am going to take you out to the car and spank you. And you know I mean it."

Her eyes got as big as saucers - and she shut her mouth. Why? Because she knows I will do it. How? Because I think one time in her life, I popped her on the thigh two or three times with my hand.

Hey - it works.

Or you could have given her two choices, with no candy either way: Whine and not buy toys, or not whine and get toys. Just as effective, and no spanking. Again, parents often forget to notice that they already have all the marbles without spanking.

If you really wanted to make sure you never heard another whine out of her, you could have turned that cart around and emptied it with no warning. When she busted out crying and asking why, just explain you don't buy toys for kids who are whining. Pretty harsh, quite clear, and no violence needed. After all, you're not obligated to buy her anything, which is a good thing for her to know.

The options are not: spank vs. no discipline. You can be very strict, even harsh, with no spanking.

I don't tolerate whining at all. I usually just say "NO WHINING" in my command voice. Or whatever nice thing we're doing stops as soon as the whine starts. Or whatever horrible thing is appropriate to the situation. Like I might pull the car over and tell them it only goes when the whining stops. There are many other options than violence.

 

[Autodidact]

YUCK! Actually my parents were sort of like that - boy, did they ever believe in LONG TERM PUNISHMENTS.

I personally think that's overkill usually. To me, weeks or months of punishment creates a lot of resentment and can be counterproductive.

Now, we had a recent situation at our house though that I think we handled well. Our youngest son was fifteen at the time (this was last year). When we were both at work, he found the truck keys and snuck out. HE WRECKED THE TRUCK. Not bad, but it was a fender bender. Now - THAT is a serious violation, on a number of fronts.

We had a $500 deductible on our insurance. We made him work to earn that money. We have a big place - we live out in the country. We paid him $8 an hour to do yardwork, wash vehicles, paint, work on fences, etc. till he paid off that $500. It took him most of the summer (weekends only). We didn't make him work all weekend, every weekend. We pay him to do hard work around here nearly every Saturday anyway - but that money went into our pockets instead of his till that deductible was paid. I thought that was appropriate.

Exactly what I would have done. That or get a job and pay me back. Oh, and those driving lessons and early permit? Gone. You can get a driver's license when you're 18. (I'm kind of strict. Actually I'm kind of famous as the mean mom.)

 

[shortfade2]

Or you could have given her two choices, with no candy either way: Whine and not buy toys, or not whine and get toys. Just as effective, and no spanking. Again, parents often forget to notice that they already have all the marbles without spanking.

If you really wanted to make sure you never heard another whine out of her, you could have turned that cart around and emptied it with no warning. When she busted out crying and asking why, just explain you don't buy toys for kids who are whining. Pretty harsh, quite clear, and no violence needed. After all, you're not obligated to buy her anything, which is a good thing for her to know.

The options are not: spank vs. no discipline. You can be very strict, even harsh, with no spanking.

I don't tolerate whining at all. I usually just say "NO WHINING" in my command voice. Or whatever nice thing we're doing stops as soon as the whine starts. Or whatever horrible thing is appropriate to the situation. Like I might pull the car over and tell them it only goes when the whining stops. There are many other options than violence.

1.) Oh you showed her! You showed her that she can back you into a corner and minipulate you into giving her candy. Great job. If that girl was nearly as brilliant as my little cousin shed milk u until u cut that stupid parenting idea out.

2.) Nice. I like it. (non-sarcasm...kinda sad when we have to designate when we arnt being sarcastic, no?)

3.) NO WHINING! The only way my mom could make that work if she never smacked us is by adding. "Oh and if you keep whining then you are grounded for a month from everything" I usually dont like that because then everything that one says is classified as whining before you say it....Then your grounded :foot:

 

[shortfade2]

?? Don't get you. If parents didn't spank, you wouldn't have pain.

High school Experience Example one:

A day in the life of Shortfade2....Ok...so I go to basketball open gym on wednesday nights and monday evenings. So I block the huge 200 pound centers shot because he has bad shooting form...Do i then mock him? no. Because if i do he will drop me with one punch to the eye. Now I block the smallest kid on the teams shot even though he is my girlfriends brother, and can tattle and get me grounded about quite a number of things...I give him crap...every time.
If I dont get in trouble, then I dont have pain. If they dont give me pain first, then what do i have to fear?

I'm not all for only spankings and spanking only, but I was spanked, I am grounded constantly, and am occasionally smacked by my mom and slugged by my dad. (Not to the eye, calm down. Just in the gut or the arm) i just dont think that you can be an effective parent without really spanking at all.

 

[Autodidact]

1.) Oh you showed her! You showed her that she can back you into a corner and minipulate you into giving her candy. Great job. If that girl was nearly as brilliant as my little cousin shed milk u until u cut that stupid parenting idea out.

You didn't understand my post. No candy either way. If whine, no toys. If no whine, toys.

2.) Nice. I like it. (non-sarcasm...kinda sad when we have to designate when we arnt being sarcastic, no?)

3.) NO WHINING! The only way my mom could make that work if she never smacked us is by adding. "Oh and if you keep whining then you are grounded for a month from everything" I usually dont like that because then everything that one says is classified as whining before you say it....Then your grounded :foot:

Say you're at the playground with a three-year old who starts whining about whatever. You leave, explaining you don't go to playgrounds with whining kids. Say you're at the grocery store with two kids and one starts whining. The non-whiner gets gum on the way out, the whiner doesn't. Say something like, "Gum for everyone who isn't whining." Also good idea to say something nice to the non-whiner while you're in there, like "It's nice to be at the store with you, Megan, cuz you know how not to whine." This works better than giving negative attention to the whiner. (Kids need attention, and will settle for negative attention.)

Any fun thing you're doing, the kid starts whining, the fun stops, you leave, and let them know you don't do X, Y or Z when they're whining. Friend's house, movie, Chuckie Cheese, whatever. It's done.

Say you're making lunch, and the kid is whining. Tell them you'll serve their lunch when they can stop whining. (Better to put it in the affirmative.) Or give the non-whining other kid their lunch, and when the whiner asks, say you're waiting till they can stop whining.

 

[Autodidact]

High school Experience Example one:

A day in the life of Shortfade2....Ok...so I go to basketball open gym on wednesday nights and monday evenings. So I block the huge 200 pound centers shot because he has bad shooting form...Do i then mock him? no. Because if i do he will drop me with one punch to the eye. Now I block the smallest kid on the teams shot even though he is my girlfriends brother, and can tattle and get me grounded about quite a number of things...I give him crap...every time.
If I dont get in trouble, then I dont have pain. If they dont give me pain first, then what do i have to fear?

I'm not all for only spankings and spanking only, but I was spanked, I am grounded constantly, and am occasionally smacked by my mom and slugged by my dad. (Not to the eye, calm down. Just in the gut or the arm) i just dont think that you can be an effective parent without really spanking at all.

Your wrong. We know that from personal experience, and the research. The most effective parents do not spank, and spanking actually results in worse behavior, not better.

 

[shortfade2]

ok. trust your research. I trust my gut. when I have kids theyll have my genes....baaaad stuff.

 

[DallasApple]

ok. trust your research. I trust my gut. when I have kids theyll have my genes....baaaad stuff.

How impressive.

 

[shortfade2]

How impressive.

quite the opposite. I dont really want to prove anything...Thats just how I feel.

 

[Kathryn]

Hey, I am not trying to brag, but I've got to say this.

My parents are very intelligent, well educated people, who have been married for over 50 years. They occasionally spanked me. Not often, but apparently often enough. I was ALWAYS a very well behaved child - in fact, they will be the first to tell you that I was extremely reasonable, calm, and pleasant. I made good grades, played hard, kept my room clean, was respectful to adults, and was basically simply a good kid. As an adult, I'm responsible, a hard worker, and kind to others. I didn't become an abusive parent or a tyrant.

I passed along this moderate approach to my own kids. They were, without exception, polite and well mannered kids themselves. Now that they are adults and are beginning their own families, they also occasionally spank their own kids. But guess what - their kids are well behaved also! It's amazing!

I can't accept that this is all simply a matter of genetics. There must be SOMETHING to this form of loving discipline that has been passed down through our generations.

If it ain't broke, don't fix it.

 

[Nanda]

YUCK! Actually my parents were sort of like that - boy, did they ever believe in LONG TERM PUNISHMENTS.

I personally think that's overkill usually. To me, weeks or months of punishment creates a lot of resentment and can be counterproductive.

Very true! My parents were liberal with long term punishments, too; sometimes the slightest infraction would bring about months of punishment. I didn't learn anything from that, either - just resentment.

 

[Kathryn]

As a kid, I definitely preferred the occasional spanking to 3 months of hard labor and/or restriction. Sometimes my parents and I would actually FORGET why I was on restriction! This was about the time we all realized that whatever we were trying to accomplish with that tactic wasn't working!

 

[Nanda]

As a kid, I definitely preferred the occasional spanking to 3 months of hard labor and/or restriction.

I can't say I like either of those options. I would have preferred a reasonable punishment.

 

[Autodidact]

ok. trust your research. I trust my gut. when I have kids theyll have my genes....baaaad stuff.

Science has told us over and over that our guts are usually wrong.
Do you reject all science, the scientific method itself?

 

[Autodidact]

Hey, I am not trying to brag, but I've got to say this.

My parents are very intelligent, well educated people, who have been married for over 50 years. They occasionally spanked me. Not often, but apparently often enough. I was ALWAYS a very well behaved child - in fact, they will be the first to tell you that I was extremely reasonable, calm, and pleasant. I made good grades, played hard, kept my room clean, was respectful to adults, and was basically simply a good kid. As an adult, I'm responsible, a hard worker, and kind to others. I didn't become an abusive parent or a tyrant.

I passed along this moderate approach to my own kids. They were, without exception, polite and well mannered kids themselves. Now that they are adults and are beginning their own families, they also occasionally spank their own kids. But guess what - their kids are well behaved also! It's amazing!

I can't accept that this is all simply a matter of genetics. There must be SOMETHING to this form of loving discipline that has been passed down through our generations.

If it ain't broke, don't fix it.

You know that anecdotes are not evidence, right? For this to be useful, we'd need to see how you would have turned out had they NOT spanked you. Possibly even more accomplished, mature and integrated. We don't know. So it's not useful data. You should know that.

Is there anyone in your family who doesn't spank their kids?

 

[Autodidact]

In Kathryn's style:

My parents didn't spank. I was a model child, as they often told me. Today I'm a brilliant, accomplished and good-looking adult. I don't spank. My kids are models of deportment and my oldest is a beacon of accomplishment and future world leader. Therefore not/spanking works, right?

 

[Aquitaine]

In Kathryn's style:

My parents didn't spank. I was a model child, as they often told me. Today I'm a brilliant, accomplished and good-looking adult. I don't spank. My kids are models of deportment and my oldest is a beacon of accomplishment and future world leader. Therefore not/spanking works, right?

Well I guess different parenting strategies work better for other kids and not others. I still don't think it's right to say that circumstancial spanking is 100% bad on 100% of all kids, and that non-spanking produces "better" people.

 

[shortfade2]

all kinds of differant methods work just fine. We dont need to abuse and get ****** at others methods...By the way I have begun to notice that Atheists tend to talk about science as though it is God! Has anyone else realized this? Science is all knowing. It solves all of our issues and is always right