Alceste
Vagabond
Yeah, higher than I expected too. I guess it's not something I just don't see out in public, like I did in the UK. Also, the fact that none of the parents I know are spankers might just have to do with the company I keep.
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Opinions on Spanking
- Thread starter DallasApple
- Start date
Yeah, higher than I expected too. I guess it's not something I just don't see out in public, like I did in the UK. Also, the fact that none of the parents I know are spankers might just have to do with the company I keep.
Autodidact
Intentionally Blank
No, but spanking is an ineffective, in fact counter-productive, way to teach children to behave better.
Autodidact
Intentionally Blank
I'll go with personal anecdote as well. My oldest daughter, age 20, is one of the finest, most responsible, mature, all round wonderful people in the world. She won an award as a "kid who cares" and graduated with a 4.7 GPA, never having gotten into trouble in her life. She has never been spanked and would be appalled at the very idea. She is very, very, rational. Spanking is not.
Aquitaine
Well-Known Member
Well there's been tons of other people in the past, who were spanked and went on to do great things too. I think Spanking has potential to be effective, however it depends on how it's done.
I just think it's too simplistic to say that spanking = bad, since everybody is different and our childhoods are so complex. Not only that but most things can be good when used in moderation, even things like Alcohol etc.
Ditto here. To me, each and every time spanking occurs, respect dies a little bit more.
Kathryn
It was on fire when I laid down on it.
I have five children. Each of them is different, of course. Each has a unique personality combination and therefore, they each respond differently to different forms of discipline and punishment. It took me a very short amount of time with each of them to determine what worked and what didn't when it came to behavior modification.
For one of my kids, just the THREAT of a spanking worked wonders. I honestly cannot remember EVER spanking her. For my oldest, no amount of spanking in the world would have made the slightest impact on her. I learned pretty quickly to find other ways of discipline, because to me - the END RESULT is what matters, not the mode of discipline itself.
My oldest son responded well to the few spankings he got.
I think the way the parent administers any discipline,including spankings, makes a big difference in the effectiveness. I am a pretty calm person about discipline. I NEVER beat my kids, or hit them in anger. I'm just not wired together that way - I never have used physical force to accomplish a goal.
Overall, my experience with spankings (which is pretty limited - I got a few as a kid, and they didn't seem to warp me in any way, and I have spanked my own kids a few times and they seem none the worse for wear) is that it's usually not the most effective form of discipline - BUT - every once in awhile, it's the perfect form. I reserved spankings for younger children and for outright rebellion.
For other things - I think it's more effective to make the punishment fit the crime. I like what I call CREATIVE DISCIPLINE (I can just see my children shivering at that term!). For instance, if one of my kids did something rotten to a neighbor kid, like call them names, I would make them go apologize in person. If one of them smarted off at me, I would make them write "I will talk respectfully to my mom" two hundred times. If one of them was prejudiced or judgmental about someone - say, someone who was obese, I would have them write a short story about how it might feel to be an outsider. If they didn't clean their room like they should, I would make them clean it and then do extra chores.
In other words, my goal was to increase productivity and awareness, and to make the child take responsibility for their actions. That's the difference between discipline and punishment. Punishment has it's place if the transgression is severe enough (and I did ground kids on occasion, or take away priviledges), but my ultimate goal was to teach my kids to think through why something was wrong, and hopefully curtail or stop that behavior in the future.
Spanking doesn't accomplish that so in my opinion it's uses are very limited.
For one of my kids, just the THREAT of a spanking worked wonders. I honestly cannot remember EVER spanking her. For my oldest, no amount of spanking in the world would have made the slightest impact on her. I learned pretty quickly to find other ways of discipline, because to me - the END RESULT is what matters, not the mode of discipline itself.
My oldest son responded well to the few spankings he got.
I think the way the parent administers any discipline,including spankings, makes a big difference in the effectiveness. I am a pretty calm person about discipline. I NEVER beat my kids, or hit them in anger. I'm just not wired together that way - I never have used physical force to accomplish a goal.
Overall, my experience with spankings (which is pretty limited - I got a few as a kid, and they didn't seem to warp me in any way, and I have spanked my own kids a few times and they seem none the worse for wear) is that it's usually not the most effective form of discipline - BUT - every once in awhile, it's the perfect form. I reserved spankings for younger children and for outright rebellion.
For other things - I think it's more effective to make the punishment fit the crime. I like what I call CREATIVE DISCIPLINE (I can just see my children shivering at that term!). For instance, if one of my kids did something rotten to a neighbor kid, like call them names, I would make them go apologize in person. If one of them smarted off at me, I would make them write "I will talk respectfully to my mom" two hundred times. If one of them was prejudiced or judgmental about someone - say, someone who was obese, I would have them write a short story about how it might feel to be an outsider. If they didn't clean their room like they should, I would make them clean it and then do extra chores.
In other words, my goal was to increase productivity and awareness, and to make the child take responsibility for their actions. That's the difference between discipline and punishment. Punishment has it's place if the transgression is severe enough (and I did ground kids on occasion, or take away priviledges), but my ultimate goal was to teach my kids to think through why something was wrong, and hopefully curtail or stop that behavior in the future.
Spanking doesn't accomplish that so in my opinion it's uses are very limited.
Thief
Rogue Theologian
So let's do an upgrade....He rules with an iron rod.....
Any hand having offended another will be outstretched....and will be struck down.... and that hand will offend no one ever again.
If He dislikes the way you come and go...one stroke to your spine...and you will not come and go as you did before, and you will beg your going from anyone passing by.
And if His displeasure is complete...one stroke to your crown and your dominion will end.
Here in this world...Man using rods of wood...and many strokes are applied to convince the convict the error of his ways.
God does not punish...He makes correction...and one stroke is all it takes.
Any hand having offended another will be outstretched....and will be struck down.... and that hand will offend no one ever again.
If He dislikes the way you come and go...one stroke to your spine...and you will not come and go as you did before, and you will beg your going from anyone passing by.
And if His displeasure is complete...one stroke to your crown and your dominion will end.
Here in this world...Man using rods of wood...and many strokes are applied to convince the convict the error of his ways.
God does not punish...He makes correction...and one stroke is all it takes.
Renji
Well-Known Member
My parents used to hit me when I was young to discipline me. But not that hard. In my case, they explain that they've done it 'cause they can't control me, and they are saying that they're doing it 'cause they love me. Back then, I can't see the connection of love on hitting me. But as i grew older, I realized the reason why they do it....
DallasApple
Depends Upon My Mood..
I think the problem is its the parents who dont "think it through" and take the time to dscipline in a way that teaches a lesson and or teaches the child why what they did is wrong and further what behavior IS expected.
Some parents just flat out arent very creative.Some and I believe most spank because thats what they learned as a child is part of the parents job.
I watch Super Nanny sometimes..And boy oh boy some of the kids she has to help the parents get under control are down right scary.But the bottom line is it seems to always root in parents using ill effective forms of discipline ..not being consistent ..and not following through...but I've never seen her advise a parent to spank..It seems she using a combination of time outs..and reward systems...and the "punishment" part of the discipline the child is always explained to why they are being punished and then they are required to apologize and that is accepted by the person they offended and its forgotten.
And the rewarding for good behavior is I believe very underused.Even if its simply verbal praise..As in 'you were so well behaved at/when (fill in the blank) you are a great kid and Im very proud of you.Even 'thank you"..when your child does do thier chores and such is something I think kids dont get to hear enough.It seems they here more negative and more complaints from the parents abotu what they are doing wrong.
Even an adlutl doesnt fair well in that enviroment.They begin to believe they can never do anythign right or to satisfy the other party.Children take it even further and start to beleive they "are" a bad person/child.And they arent "able" to do good or be good because of that.
Love
Dallas
Mr Cheese
Well-Known Member
very nice
sadly not all children are like yours
Some kids need structure, some do not, some respond to the occaisonal spank, some do not.....
One size fits all, is seldom effective...in anything
DallasApple
Depends Upon My Mood..
The thing is ..I didnt see where Auto said anything about her daughter not being provided structure as a child.
Love
Dallas
Mr Cheese
Well-Known Member
no, shes trying to say that spanking is ineffective...because her child didn't require it...
which is kind of silly
DallasApple
Depends Upon My Mood..
No I think she is saying that spanking is not neccesary period and her child is an example of that.Im sure there were occasions I would imagine that her daughter required discipline or correction that another parent might have opted to use corporal punishment for.
I think the point is ..spanking is unecessary.Other forms of discipline are superior to spanking.And without any(possible) negative consequences or results unlike corporal.
Love
Dallas
Alceste
Vagabond
From my perspective, and probably Auto's as well, it is the idea that some children "need" to be hit that is silly. You seem to think that if some kid out there that "needs" a smack has the misfortune to be afflicted with non-violent parents, they'll be ruined. She didn't say her child never misbehaved. She said she did not use physical violence to correct her child's behavior.
Autodidact
Intentionally Blank
Another story on the same kid:
Once, when she was around 3, she threw a tantrum. Obviously, not a behavior you want. One possible response would be to spank, but again, it's unnecessary. I shut her in her room until she could get it together. She screamed till she got bored, went to sleep, and never threw another.
The big thing is to never, ever, not even once, give in to the tantrum, no matter what. It's more effective than sometimes spanking and sometimes giving in.
I'm not an advocate of liberal child-rearing, absence of structure, or any of that. In fact I'm known among my kids' friends as the strict mom, even the mean mom. I say "no," freely, and make it a practice never to change a no, no matter what the kid says or does.
Consistency is more effective than spanking.
Once, when she was around 3, she threw a tantrum. Obviously, not a behavior you want. One possible response would be to spank, but again, it's unnecessary. I shut her in her room until she could get it together. She screamed till she got bored, went to sleep, and never threw another.
The big thing is to never, ever, not even once, give in to the tantrum, no matter what. It's more effective than sometimes spanking and sometimes giving in.
I'm not an advocate of liberal child-rearing, absence of structure, or any of that. In fact I'm known among my kids' friends as the strict mom, even the mean mom. I say "no," freely, and make it a practice never to change a no, no matter what the kid says or does.
Consistency is more effective than spanking.
DallasApple
Depends Upon My Mood..
I think the word was "require".As if some children can only be affectively disicplined through physical violence.Or that physical violence is for some children the most effective(for them) and they will in fact turn out BETTER and more porductive in life because of being hit or would have turned out worse and less productive if they had not been struck.
Which I think is a crock of BS.
Love
Dallas
linwood
Well-Known Member
I`ve found this to be absolutely true.
DallasApple
Depends Upon My Mood..
I did this with my now 13 year old.I explained to him that he was going to "jail".That he could not be around me or other people if he wanted to throw a tantrum and act out.The same as I WOULD go to jail if I acted like that.
He too wore himself out..even though I have to admit I was AFRAID LOL!! He unleashed some FURY!!...then he got tired and asked niceley if he could rejoin the rest of society(not in those words of course)..I said sure..
He never threw a tantrum like that again..Because he knew it wasnt going to work.And the result would be he wasnt "fit' to be with the rest of society when acting like that.IOW go ahead and throw your fit..but do it alone.I reminded him he was a wonderful and sweet child..he just was acting bad..
Love
Dallas
DallasApple
Depends Upon My Mood..
Consistency and FOLLOW through..
If they cant play their games for a week then make it a week.Not 4 days..Even if it tugs at your heart strings..They have to know you mean business and they cant negotiate out of it.Good time to remind them why..and to be prepared to do it again unless they want the same punishment consequences next time.
And warnings are imperative.."Im warning you if you dont get in line Im going to "X",....Then follow through on X if they choose to not heed the warning..Next time they are warned they will know your not even kidding.(its hard work to follow through)
Love
Dallas
Autodidact
Intentionally Blank
It's not easy, either. If you said no to whatever, and the kid's driving you nuts, or coming up with logical arguments, or whatever they're doing, but I stick to the "No," because I don't want to have to deal with that behavior next time. Yes, even if I was wrong.
If I don't want my kid to whine, then I have to say "no" to whatever they're whining about, even if I would have said yes had they asked otherwise. In fact I tell them, "If you had asked me nicely I probably would have said, 'Yes,' but whining is never the way to get me to do things." In fact, as soon as they start whining, I whip around and say, "No whining." And yes, my kids whine a lot less than other people's. I don't think it's necessary to smack them every time they whine. It's called "extinction." If the behavior is not productive, it stops.
Reading this post over, what it seems to come down to is that if you're mean enough, you don't have to hit. Most people find it too hard to be mean (i.e. consistent) so hit instead. It's an admission of ineffective parenting.
If I don't want my kid to whine, then I have to say "no" to whatever they're whining about, even if I would have said yes had they asked otherwise. In fact I tell them, "If you had asked me nicely I probably would have said, 'Yes,' but whining is never the way to get me to do things." In fact, as soon as they start whining, I whip around and say, "No whining." And yes, my kids whine a lot less than other people's. I don't think it's necessary to smack them every time they whine. It's called "extinction." If the behavior is not productive, it stops.
Reading this post over, what it seems to come down to is that if you're mean enough, you don't have to hit
. Most people find it too hard to be mean (i.e. consistent) so hit instead. It's an admission of ineffective parenting.