A very good thought -- there's nothing wrong with asking questions and gathering as much information as possible when faced with difficult and perplexing situations.
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Parents Rights On Transgender Policy
- Thread starter esmith
- Start date
PoetPhilosopher
Veteran Member
Not all parents are really loving in return. Saying "loved one" implies a place of care and security which may not always exist.
That is the exact question many of us started with.
If the child is not telling their parents there is probably a good reason.
The kind of parents that the child does not want to confide in are likely just the kind of parents that should not be told by a third party.
Callisto
Hellenismos, BTW
Children are dependants with others (parents, guardians) legally responsible for their care and for what they do. Children are incapable of processing and making informed decisions on par with an adult.
Yeah, it is. No one is talking about viewing children as property. Please don't put words into my posts that aren't there.
YmirGF
Bodhisattva in Recovery
Oh, I get that fairly clearly, Snow. Likewise, indirectly you are implying they are finding a "loved one" at school and that is getting a little bit creepy.
They are being creepy, not you.
PoetPhilosopher
Veteran Member
I never said that. I didn't even bring up the subject of loved ones, you did.
Callisto
Hellenismos, BTW
Per federal law, parents have the right to review, request amendment to, and release education records without restriction. Also by federal law, schools are required to maintain a child's privacy in regards to outside 3rd parties. In the event of needing to disclose info or release a child's education record, the school must first get informed consent FROM THE PARENTS. Not the child, who cannot do so, but from the parents. How is that possible if parents are left in the dark? The parents determine who beyond themselves and the school should have access to the child's information but now you have activists wanting parents relegated to on a need to know basis. It is the parents who are ultimately held responsible for the child, are these teachers going to assume those obligations? No. The overwhelming majority of parents are not abusive so wanting policy to deny parents information about their children and issues related to their well being because a small percentage "might" be abusive is not in the best interest of children or of families overall.
Activists want it both ways. If parents want to (approve the) transition of their child, they scream "Don't interfere!". "Don't usurp parents' rights, they know their kids better than anyone else and if they say their kid is trans then they're trans!!" Only then do activists support parental rights. And don't dare suggest the child may not be trans, don't suggest other mental health issues be tested for and ruled out, or that the kid may simply be gay or, here's a novel thought, simply going through a phase as all children do many times over while growing up.
Yet, parents who don't agree or simply doubt their kids are actually trans should be stripped of those same parental rights. Now they should be left in the dark with others who are not the child's guardians deciding what's to be. Even though it's the parents who will be held legally, financially, and emotionally responsible for covering anything related to those decisions...and left to endure any fallout. "Parents know their kids better than anyone else"... seems that's only if they're on board with a school's or activists' agenda.
Educators are not always right, they are equally flawed with their own biases as any parent may be accused of. They also don't necessarily know more or better, many parents have equal or greater education and discernment. Not telling parents what is going on with their kids is potentially harmful to the child. It's arrogance and bias, and entirely one-sided. Children are notorious for being imaginative at best and flat out liars at worse, their logic is not adult logic. Add in some other mental health problem and it's a mess waiting to happen. So yes, schools are obligated to inform parents of their child's feelings and behavior as there can be more and other going on than what the school was told by the child.
Transgender, especially medical transitioning, is adult space. Period. A tiny, less than 1% of the population has gender dysphoria and of that segment, only a fraction are minors exhibiting early dysphoria. Not all parents who don't agree with transitioning a child are phobic. There can be more and other going on than what the teachers think they're aware of. Frankly, much of this smacks of homophobia. "Oh, you're a boy who likes girl things or vice-versa? You're trans!" Uhm, no. Most of the time a gay child is a gay child,abd and transitioning is not required now or later.
Activists want it both ways. If parents want to (approve the) transition of their child, they scream "Don't interfere!". "Don't usurp parents' rights, they know their kids better than anyone else and if they say their kid is trans then they're trans!!" Only then do activists support parental rights. And don't dare suggest the child may not be trans, don't suggest other mental health issues be tested for and ruled out, or that the kid may simply be gay or, here's a novel thought, simply going through a phase as all children do many times over while growing up.
Yet, parents who don't agree or simply doubt their kids are actually trans should be stripped of those same parental rights. Now they should be left in the dark with others who are not the child's guardians deciding what's to be. Even though it's the parents who will be held legally, financially, and emotionally responsible for covering anything related to those decisions...and left to endure any fallout. "Parents know their kids better than anyone else"... seems that's only if they're on board with a school's or activists' agenda.
Educators are not always right, they are equally flawed with their own biases as any parent may be accused of. They also don't necessarily know more or better, many parents have equal or greater education and discernment. Not telling parents what is going on with their kids is potentially harmful to the child. It's arrogance and bias, and entirely one-sided. Children are notorious for being imaginative at best and flat out liars at worse, their logic is not adult logic. Add in some other mental health problem and it's a mess waiting to happen. So yes, schools are obligated to inform parents of their child's feelings and behavior as there can be more and other going on than what the school was told by the child.
Transgender, especially medical transitioning, is adult space. Period. A tiny, less than 1% of the population has gender dysphoria and of that segment, only a fraction are minors exhibiting early dysphoria. Not all parents who don't agree with transitioning a child are phobic. There can be more and other going on than what the teachers think they're aware of. Frankly, much of this smacks of homophobia. "Oh, you're a boy who likes girl things or vice-versa? You're trans!" Uhm, no. Most of the time a gay child is a gay child,
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YmirGF
Bodhisattva in Recovery
Sorry, Snow. Having a kid feel comfy telling their teacher about their gender is more than a bit weird. What would possess the kid to even bring up gender?
PoetPhilosopher
Veteran Member
Who says that the teacher necessarily always finds out about it by the student coming to them and telling them directly face-to-face?
YmirGF
Bodhisattva in Recovery
Um, school official, then?
PoetPhilosopher
Veteran Member
What if they find out through coursework or by observing student to student social interactions?
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Callisto
Hellenismos, BTW
it should be on a per case basis, not widespread policy. The overwhelming majority of children don't experience gender dysphoria and subsequently, are unlikely to have classmates who do. Far more children are likely to have a classmate with a wheelchair or deformity than one with gender dysphoria. Even then, schools handle those on a per case basis, informing the class' parents & students beforehand to make them aware and to allow the children to comprehend so things will be comfortable for the whole class and for the particular child to feel safe and included.
YmirGF
Bodhisattva in Recovery
You are losing me. Are we talking about how they find out about gender? Or what?
PoetPhilosopher
Veteran Member
We are. And one of the things I was implying, is if a school ever has a student write down their pronouns, then they "probably" already know.
Koldo
Outstanding Member
Which has absolutely nothing to do with being transgender in itself.
Callisto
Hellenismos, BTW
It does when the topic is establishing policies of what children are exposed to in school and excluding parents on the matter.
VoidCat
Use any and all pronouns including neo and it/it's
Hi. Trans person here. Imma just share my perspective then unwatch this thread im not in a good mental space to talk deeply about this issue. It's not always safe to talk to parents about being trans. It really ain't. I am not trying to say most parents wouldn't be supportive or would be horrible to their kids. But if they were obviously supportive likely the kid would have already told the parent. I mean thats what most kids would do if they trans they tell folk they trust. That way they can explore it comfortably without being ridiculed for it. I've seen lots of bad things happen from kids being outted as lgbt to unaccepting parents. Suicide, disownment, a classmate being placed into conversion therapy... All 3 I've had happen to fellow lgbt classmates growing up and in one disownment case the person was a lesbian that was kicked out her home for bringing another girl to a dance. In a more perfect world parents should know. Cuz it's normal for kids to experiment and explore themselves. But sadly we are not in that world. I wish I could say parents can be told. But I cannot in good conscience say telling a parent would be a good idea. If the child is not telling the parent there's a good reason.
VoidCat
Use any and all pronouns including neo and it/it's
Oh and so yall know it's crushing not being out. Scary and crushing. Its so much easier to tell then to hide it. I speak from experience. Kids who hide being trans from parents likely want to tell them. But don't out of fear and probably because they know it wouldnt go well.
VoidCat
Use any and all pronouns including neo and it/it's
Oh and guys? Im 21. The age where lgbt was more widely accepted growing up. This stuff still happened. Most parents were accepting of LGBT kids but a concerning number still wasnt