So, to give some perspective, a good friend of mine who I'd lost touch with for a couple of weeks while I was feeling angry and sad, I managed to get in touch with, and it turned out she had some problems of her own. One of her friend's friends or something (she has more of a network going on than I do), had a husband with a kid, and he had known to have anger issues, and he was on mushrooms of some sort, and she was worried about the kid. She was convinced under the influence his anger would make him do stuff, I kinda wasn't (hallucinogens aren't like alcohol, they tend to make you weird not violent) but I looked it up. There's apparently three types: Psychedelics (they kinda expand your senses, and the biggest danger there is a bad trip, or like overclocking your brain and dying), Dissociatives (basically these shut out the senses, and the mind produces its own), and Deliriants (these create artificial perceptions, including feelings about other people like thinking that you're playing some awesome piano riff and everyone is cheering when actually you're plinking on the keyboard). The last one is directly dangerous to a child if a man is known for anger, because he could have a paranoid session where he decides the child is plotting to kill him or something. But I found out that mushrooms are not typically deliriants, but rather dissociatives. The child was in no direct danger (not from his anger that is, though she should still call the police because the kid was likely to be in an extreme neglect situation).
And then I realized that as much as my pain hurts, and as much as I was mad at God, I was sort of being dissociative (without the fun trips), and the child I was potentially hurting with my extreme depression were my nephew and niece. Essentially, through real world events, God had decided to speak to my pain. That's in some ways more messed up than whatever mushrooms could be taken, though. So I'm changing my answer to "Sorta like Coyote." And yea, I understand what Bobby Anderson is saying right now about "navigation of the illusion" .
It's probably easy to be mad at God. Actually, yea, it's definitely easy to be mad at God. But I think this is what they mean by the "unforgivable sin" of blaspheming the Holy Spirit, that you kinda get STUCK in a situation where you think no good of God, so you can't even hear God. We actually have a record about someone who this happened to. King Saul. We're told he loses the spirit of God and instead gets an evil spirit. He eventually becomes so desperate for answers that he goes to a necromancer and asks her to raise someone's ghost. It's unforgivable not because God won't forgive us, but because usually we are stuck not being able to forgive God.
