RF and Mental Health

[Hellbound Serpiente]

I hope no one would be offended by my saying this, but RF is just another internet forum. As much as I respect everyone here and as much I respect this forum, it's just a random forum on intrawebz. I really don't take intrawebz so seriously. But, it could be because I am currently under heavy medications because my mental condition was already messed up long, LONG before I joined this forum. My medications are holding me together like a super-glue from completely falling apart.

 

[PoetPhilosopher]

I hope no one would be offended by my saying this, but RF is just another internet forum. As much as I respect everyone here and as much I respect this forum, it's just a random forum on intrawebz. I really don't take intrawebz so seriously. But, it could be because I am currently under heavy medications because my mental condition was already messed up long, LONG before I joined this forum. My medications are holding me together like a super-glue from completely falling apart.

I consider the people here to be very topnotch on likeability, they've been kind to me, the debates to be at an easy high school level rather than college level (there are actually positives and negatives to this). I have more thoughts, but I'd really only talk about them privately, and if asked.

 

[Hellbound Serpiente]

I have profound respect for nearly EVERYBODY here. From Left Coast, Izzy88, ChristineM, Vouthon, Sunstone, Shadow Wolf, Mansinha, everyone, EVERYONE here is an intellectual ******.

 

[Quagmire]

It a an American election year. Don't take it too seriously.

 

[Spirit of Light]

Do you avoid placing OPs in Debates and exclusively use Discussion sections?

I place OP share i feel it's right, i have many in debate too

 

[Jim]

Hey everyone,

Recently, I've found it difficult to ignore much of the divisive political discussions we've been having on the forum. It's becoming much harder given the situation in the U.S.A and with coronavirus raging. It is particularly difficult given that many of these discussions now deal with life-and-death issues (such as how and why to end lock-down). In the polarised climate that we have today, it's often hard to appreciate nuance and subtly and it very taxing on the nerves and this seems to be a personal trigger for me.

I suspect I'm far from alone in this so I would welcome other people's thoughts on how RF is affecting your mental health at the moment. Are other users having a similar experience and if so, how are you finding ways of coping with it?

I feel the same. Having tried to leave the site before, I am aware how difficult it is to stay away. Temporary breaks from the forum can be helpful in easing that.

But as far as political discussions are concerned, I am regularly questioning the sanity of the members who participate in them and the ability of staff to tolerate the patterns of behaviour which have developed and become unmistakably toxic over the course of recent years. Nor have they got better, but are consistently getting worse and people are just getting bolder is rejecting any and all self-restraint. It's not as if it's one post or another in isolation, but its the daily exposure to a psychotic separation from any reality or conscience and the lack of perspective.

This is not normal and the "tolerance" of users on this site to this kind of content doesn't justify the continuing escalation of efforts to deny the evidence of our own senses or to rationalise dangerous and criminal behaviour.

The problem is having the conviction that it really is everyone else who is crazy and wanting to leave is a healthy and proportionate response and then sustaining it so that you don't come back under any circumstances. If I leave, I'm liable to come back in a few months as if the place will somehow be better. It won't be and the whole process will just start up again. I've done it enough times to recognise the pattern but not to break it.

My conscience wants me to ring the alarm bells and warn people about what kind of stuff they are now regularly debating and getting involved with. But then only a handful of people would believe me or take me seriously. They don't have the same experiences or context to see how I might have developed that perspective. So I feel conflicted about caring for the community and wanting to defend myself from other people's behaviour. I think there are some major life lessons about dealing with toxic relationships buried in this somewhere, but ...*shrugs*... I don't know. It's a weird kind of emotional vulnerability mixed in there along with a hefty amount of maturity as well. I don't understand it very well.

I’ll tell you some issues that have concerned me, and how I’ve been learning to respond to them.

Some issues that have concerned me:
- People vilifying and disparaging each other across religious and political divides.
- Long term psychological damage to people sometimes from popular stereotypes and prejudices about groups and categories of people.
- Behavior that stirs up emotional turmoil.
- People persistently misrepresenting what a person is trying to say or diverting attention from it.
- Putting a lot of time and effort into a discussion with someone. and then finding out that what it was really about for them was not at all what I thought it was.

I’ll post again later, about how I’ve been learning to respond to those issues, if you’re interested.

 

[Jim]

@Laika To possibly avoid some confusion and misunderstandings I want to say, If you are not seeing all the same harmful and distracting behavior on all sides of all divides, then my interests might be opposed to yours.

 

[Laika]

I’ll tell you some issues that have concerned me, and how I’ve been learning to respond to them.

Some issues that have concerned me:
- People vilifying and disparaging each other across religious and political divides.
- Long term psychological damage to people sometimes from popular stereotypes and prejudices about groups and categories of people.
- Behavior that stirs up emotional turmoil.
- People persistently misrepresenting what a person is trying to say or diverting attention from it.
- Putting a lot of time and effort into a discussion with someone. and then finding out that what it was really about for them was not at all what I thought it was.

I’ll post again later, about how I’ve been learning to respond to those issues, if you’re interested.

Yeah, sure.

I’m hovering around the idea of self-requesting a ban from the forums until the start of 2021. Its disappointing but I am running out of options and coping mechanisms and just wondering if it is for the best.

I’m just trying to figure out what it is that keeps dragging me back here when I know better. That seems the only way to put things behind me and move on to something more productive.

@Laika To possibly avoid some confusion and misunderstandings I want to say, If you are not seeing all the same harmful and distracting behavior on all sides of all divides, then my interests might be opposed to yours.

I’m seeing the same problems. So we are on the same page.

(Edit: the first, third and fourth thing you suggested are against the forum rules. So if you see it, report it. )

 

[Jim]

(Edit: the first, third and fourth thing you suggested are against the forum rules. So if you see it, report it. )

I tried that a few times, and most of those times I regretted it. I don’t think it would be useful for any of my purposes.

 

[Secret Chief]

I place OP share i feel it's right, i have many in debate too

Presumably the ones in debating sections are the ones that iritate you?

 

[Jim]

I’ve learned to avoid a lot of grief for me and for others by not responding at all in any way to posts that disparage my character or capacities or anyone else’s. My only response to false statements about my motives and intentions is to say, sometimes, “No, that isn’t what I’m trying to do.” I’ve also learned to be aware when someone might be setting me up for a personal attack, behind a masquerade of friendly interest. I don’t try to have any discussions about my views at all with a few people because it always ends in grief for one or both of us.

After a series of posts misrepresenting what I’m saying or diverting attention from it, which I don’t respond to at all, I post an update reviewing, clarifying and sometimes revising what I’m saying.

Sometimes someone’s behavior in the forums stirs up a lot of anger in me, and it takes a lot of effort for me to resist an impulse to lash out against it. I’ve been learning some satisfying ways to work out my anger without doing that.

 

[Revoltingest]

Sometimes someone’s behavior in the forums stirs up a lot of anger in me, and it takes a lot of effort for me to resist an impulse to lash out against it. I’ve been learning some satisfying ways to work out my anger without doing that.

I'm surprised at the tolerance here for some lashing out as they do.
Reporting it hasn't been useful (for reasons I may not say).

 

[Jim]

I'm surprised at the tolerance here for some lashing out as they do.
Reporting it hasn't been useful (for reasons I may not say).

As I’ve said before, what I think helps perpetuate the worst behavior most of all is displays of approval and admiration for insults and personal attacks across religious and political divides.

 

[Spirit of Light]

I’ve learned to avoid a lot of grief for me and for others by not responding at all in any way to posts that disparage my character or capacities or anyone else’s. My only response to false statements about my motives and intentions is to say, sometimes, “No, that isn’t what I’m trying to do.” I’ve also learned to be aware when someone might be setting me up for a personal attack, behind a masquerade of friendly interest. I don’t try to have any discussions about my views at all with a few people because it always ends in grief for one or both of us.

After a series of posts misrepresenting what I’m saying or diverting attention from it, which I don’t respond to at all, I post an update reviewing, clarifying and sometimes revising what I’m saying.

Sometimes someone’s behavior in the forums stirs up a lot of anger in me, and it takes a lot of effort for me to resist an impulse to lash out against it. I’ve been learning some satisfying ways to work out my anger without doing that.

I should learn from you on this @Jim i am 100% agree with you on this. And i see my own fault better now.

 

[Secret Chief]

As I’ve said before, what I think helps perpetuate the worst behavior most of all is displays of approval and admiration for insults and personal attacks across religious and political divides.

I know frubes are like catnip but there can be a downside to having such things. On another forum the Likes facility was definitely a (potential) tool for signalling group allegiances (real or imagined). Similarly the following/followers thing.

 

[PoetPhilosopher]

I know frubes are like catnip but there can be a downside to having such things. On another forum the Likes facility was definitely a (potential) tool for signalling group allegiances (real or imagined). Similarly the following/followers thing.

I've seen forums with and without them.

The ones with likes often have more activity. But some of that activity is like playing a sport.

The ones without likes can have a higher quality of posts sometimes. But encouraging people to participate can be hard.

 

[Secret Chief]

I've seen forums with and without them.

The ones with likes often have more activity. But some of that activity is like playing a sport.

The ones without likes can have a higher quality of posts sometimes. But encouraging people to participate can be hard.

Now I'm conflicted...

 

[Yazata]

Hey everyone,

Recently, I've found it difficult to ignore much of the divisive political discussions we've been having on the forum.

I couldn't agree more.

It's becoming much harder given the situation in the U.S.A and with coronavirus raging. It is particularly difficult given that many of these discussions now deal with life-and-death issues (such as how and why to end lock-down). In the polarised climate that we have today, it's often hard to appreciate nuance and subtly and it very taxing on the nerves and this seems to be a personal trigger for me.

Me too.

I find myself becoming violently ANGRY whenever I read this board. Anger isn't a state that I want to experience all the time, every day. So it's probably time for me to rethink my participation here.

There's a certain kind of person who includes political insults in almost every post they make. They seem to think that it's free speech and expression, and they are just speaking the truth. Of course it ISN'T the truth, it's just a hostile caricature. It isn't even original since it's typically just a talking-point that they picked up from the media.

I don't know why they insist on doing it, since that kind of hostile rhetoric has zero chance of winning opponents over to their side. I'm guessing that they are just signalling their solidarity to others of their kind, announcing "I'm one of you! I'm a member of the club! I'm loyal!" Perhaps always being on the attack is a sign of underlying insecurity. In which case, the anxiety associated with the coronavirus crisis probably just makes it worse.

I suspect I'm far from alone in this so I would welcome other people's thoughts on how RF is affecting your mental health at the moment. Are other users having a similar experience and if so, how are you finding ways of coping with it?

I've been putting lots of people on 'ignore'. A couple of dozen already. If somebody seems to me to be something of a troll, on they go. Unfortunately the software doesn't allow me to put moderators on ignore. (Doesn't mean that I can't ignore them though.)

But that's just a stopgap measure and I expect that I'll probably be abandoning RF at some point. There are more positive, stimulating and constructive ways to spend the time.

 

[Jim]

My concerns are about behavior, which might be mostly unconscious, that I see on all sides of all divides, that interferes with discussions and does harm to people and to society. For me it has nothing to do with the language that people use, or how friendly, polite and diplomatic they look. It has nothing to do with how much or how harshly they denounce or ridicule any beliefs, views or ways of thinking. One example of what concerns me is the popularity of people vilifying and disparaging each other across political and religious divides. Another is popular stereotypes and prejudices about groups and categories of people. Another is people persistently misrepresenting what others are saying or diverting attention from it.

My interests in this topic are opposed to the interests of anyone who complains about the behavior of people on only one side of some divide.

 

[Secret Chief]

My concerns are about behavior, which might be mostly unconscious, that I see on all sides of all divides, that interferes with discussions and does harm to people and to society. For me it has nothing to do with the language that people use, or how friendly, polite and diplomatic they look. It has nothing to do with how much or how harshly they denounce or ridicule any beliefs, views or ways of thinking. One example of what concerns me is the popularity of people vilifying and disparaging each other across political and religious divides. Another is popular stereotypes and prejudices about groups and categories of people. Another is people persistently misrepresenting what others are saying or diverting attention from it.
My interests in this topic are opposed to the interests of anyone who complains about the behavior of people on only one side of some divide.

I'm having trouble seeing what you mean here. Specifically where you say "it has nothing to do with the language people use." The very things you object to - stereotyping, misrepresenting, disparaging etc etc are all "achieved" using language. And on an internet forum - a veritable word repository. Perhaps you could clarify?