Saving Yourself for Marriage?

[Me Myself]

sex is better with love and loyalty.... anything else is a cheap imitation for those who don't have enough self-control to do anything better.

"I want cake"

"Its not your birthday"

"i want cake"

"Cake without it being your birthday is nothing more than a cheap imitation for those who dont have enough self control to do anything better"

"Mommy ,you are weird."

 

[Sunstone]

fun at who's expense?

Having fun generally means someone is using someone to have said fun....you are effectively making a joke of them.


There is no fun in being treated like that.

If that's your honest understanding of it, I feel sorry for you.

 

[Me Myself]

If that's your honest understanding of it, I feel sorry for you.

I think she is married. I assume that form of sex doesnt brain her marbles that much as her spooky sound music version of the other types.

 

[I.S.L.A.M617]

fun at who's expense?

Having fun generally means someone is using someone to have said fun....you are effectively making a joke of them.


There is no fun in being treated like that.

Really? So automatically every woman I have sex with is being degraded and taken advantage of because we're not married? I've never had sex that wasn't consensual, and most of the time it's fun. Unless you're raping someone you're both making the conscious decision that this is what you want. I don't see how anyone's being used or taken advantage of.

 

[I.S.L.A.M617]

it comes down to those who want the real thing, vs. those who are content to settle for a cheap, superficial, temporary imitation.

That's extremely judgmental...

 

[lewisnotmiller]

Well, if you wait until marriage, you'll only have sex with one person ever (assuming you're faithful and don't get a divorce). Sounds pretty boring to me...

Hmmm...I dunno if this has been considered, but it's possible to only have sex with one person ever, even if you DO have sex before marriage.

 

[Sunstone]

Hmmm...I dunno if this has been considered, but it's possible to only have sex with one person ever, even if you DO have sex before marriage.

Don't tell scary stories! It's almost bedtime here. Now I'm gonna have nightmares!

 

[I.S.L.A.M617]

Hmmm...I dunno if this has been considered, but it's possible to only have sex with one person ever, even if you DO have sex before marriage.

Why would you ever want to do that?

 

[lewisnotmiller]

Why would you ever want to do that?

LMAO...let's just go with 'I met my wife young'.

 

[MysticSang'ha]

Are there any advantages to not having sex before marriage? If so, what are those advantages? How important are they when compared to the advantages, if any, of having sex before marriage?

Abstaining until marriage as an institution is advantageous for perpetuating culture based off Honor/Shame codes of conduct in the sexual arena. For people? Not so much, IMO.

I feel individually if people are asexual, or if they choose celibacy because they wish to place their focus and energy on something else they wish to explore, then abstaining is advantageous for them. For people who are only abstaining because they have been browbeaten into believing that they'll go to hell, or they're sluts, or they're reckless, or they're only inviting trouble if they had sex before marriage, then abstaining is painfully NOT advantageous. I believe abstaining for those purposes represses sexual desire and finds it manifests in all kinds of psychological disorders that many times go unnoticed.

I would encourage people to respect and honor themselves and those who they may or may not be intimate with. I believe the boundaries of intimacy before marriage ought only to be determined by informed consent, and not made by religious institutions.

 

[Pegg]

Really? So automatically every woman I have sex with is being degraded and taken advantage of because we're not married? I've never had sex that wasn't consensual, and most of the time it's fun. Unless you're raping someone you're both making the conscious decision that this is what you want. I don't see how anyone's being used or taken advantage of.

if you have no intention of remaining with the woman, then you are taking advantage of her....and yes, it is degrading her because you are merely using her body for your own enjoyment and that degrades who she is a human being. God didnt create her simply for you to relieve yourself on her.

 

[Pegg]

Wait, hold the phone, what??
Two people having pre-marital sex can't possibly be having fun together? Why does fun "generally" mean using someone or making a joke of someone? Do you never have fun with your husband or he with you? Would you say you are using each other or making a joke of one another when you do so?

Honestly Pegg, you are making no sense tonight.

'husband' makes all the difference.

 

[Badran]

Are there any advantages to not having sex before marriage? If so, what are those advantages?

I think an important distinction to make is the time frame being addressed. Today, which is of course what you're addressing, i think:

There can be, if the person is really lucky. For example, if someone thinks there's only one person for them out there, it may be fulfilling to refrain from sex until they meet that person, and it can be helpful in that relationship lasting longer if and when it happens. If the person happens to meet a really good match, with whom they're happy, and it also happened that they met at a not too old age, then that'd probably be pretty advantageous. Of course, one has to hold certain views for this to be fulfilling enough for them, and hold them genuinely, rather than due to cultural pressures. It really depends on the values held and the person's type and amount of ambition.

The above example seems like a pretty huge gamble to me though, and, in my impression, it doesn't seem to be what would've been the normal hopes and aspirations for most people had it not been for certain culturally and religiously enforced ideas. I'll emphasize more on what i mean in what follows.

How important are they when compared to the advantages, if any, of having sex before marriage?

Not very important, in my view. Whatever measures one has to take in order to overcome their personal circumstances which make them refrain from sex until marriage are most likely no where near as risky or as possibly damaging as the huge gamble being taken above. Which is of course a gamble that does not pan out close to what was originally desired in the majority of the time, and is a straight forward losing bet in a considerable amount of times too. That is, based on my limited personal experience in seeing people's relationships around me and my perspective of things.

I think that if it weren't for certain limitations placed by some cultures and some religions, most people would seek what i think are somehow normal expectations to be had in this regard, much like any other kind of relationship. They'd expect and want to try things out first, have some experiences, grow up with them, have different desires at different stages of their lives etc..

Not necessarily all of them would, like i indicated by using the word 'most'. But i'm talking about generalities. These limitations in my view are always either lacking in reasonable explanations justifying them or outright lacking any explanations at all. If it weren't for social pressure and people being brought up with these ideas, i feel it's reasonable to conclude that most would not ascribe to such incredibly unreasonable and very limiting proposals. Though, these proposals can and do cater for certain feelings, and as such, i think there'd still be an amount of people embracing them.

So, while it can have some advantages, and perhaps in some cases might be even ideal, on the general scale, and most of the time, i view them to be in no position to be compared to having or allowing for sex before marriage.

Now, back to my time frame point, in contrast with the above, in certain past time frames, i think:

These limitations were much more justified and understandable. Due to unavailability of many of the tools that allow us considerable control over the outcomes of the sex we have. Things like birth control methods (aside form pulling out), DNA identification and protective measures from STDs are important tools that obviously were not available in the past, and as such i can so much more easily understand such limitations being placed on one's self at that time.

The only reason i'm wasting your time with this time frame part is in attempt to be fair to the religions that have proposed these limitations, as well as the cultures which continued to enforce them, in the past.

 

[Kalidas]

if you have no intention of remaining with the woman, then you are taking advantage of her....and yes, it is degrading her because you are merely using her body for your own enjoyment and that degrades who she is a human being. God didnt create her simply for you to relieve yourself on her.

How does marriage make that any different? Also as he stated its all been consenting sex why can't the man be the one being taken advantage of? But back to my first statement how does marriage make that all of a sudden untrue? One moment the man is using the man is using the woman next moment you sign a paper make a few vows (51% o the time doesnt work out) now its respectful? How about sex is a natural thing and if both people are willing they are just doing as nature calls to do. I see no disrespect in this
Sure people take advantage all the time for the sake of sexual enjoyment, but not all sex before marriage is disrespectful.
My fiance and I have had plenty of premarrital sex and I respect he hell out of her. Marriage is nothing more than a legal contract. The act o marriage does not create respect, love, honor. Those are things present within the relationship, you can have all those things and never even marry.

 

[I.S.L.A.M617]

if you have no intention of remaining with the woman, then you are taking advantage of her....and yes, it is degrading her because you are merely using her body for your own enjoyment and that degrades who she is a human being. God didnt create her simply for you to relieve yourself on her.

She's getting just as much "relief" and enjoyment out of it as I am. Do you not understand what consensual sex is? It means we BOTH agreed to have sex; doesn't sound like anyone's losing there. Also, she has no intention of marrying me either, how come I'm the only one "degrading" anybody? Because I'm a man? Doesn't Jesus teach you not to discriminate?

 

[illykitty]

Advantage of discovering sex together, both experiencing it for the first time.
Waiting for the right person who stays with you for the rest of your life.
Going against the cultural norm of sleeping around? (In some countries anyway.)

Don't know, didn't wait. I only had sex with one other person in my life, once (he liked me but I didn't) and wish I had waited until I met my now husband, would have been a better first time. Can we call the other situation a practice? Oh well what is done is done, got to know both sides of the coin.

I don't believe you have to wait until marriage since some people never get married... But I feel the need to only do it with someone I love. No emotional attachment doesn't result in as much fun, imo.

 

[Shermana]

Did anyone address what I showed that it's very smart economics for a Woman to remain virgin if she wants a higher chance of marrying a wealthy, high-status man? Or that virginity commands a huge price when prostituting it?

 

[Pegg]

Did anyone address what I showed that it's very smart economics for a Woman to remain virgin if she wants a higher chance of marrying a wealthy, high-status man? Or that virginity commands a huge price when prostituting it?

you're kidding i hope :thud:

 

[Aquitaine]

Did anyone address what I showed that it's very smart economics for a Woman to remain virgin if she wants a higher chance of marrying a wealthy, high-status man? Or that virginity commands a huge price when prostituting it?

Personally, I think it's a horrible thing to suggest/way of thinking. :tsk:

 

[lewisnotmiller]

'husband' makes all the difference.

********.
I'm assuming I'm kinda unusual. I mean, of course, that's obvious. But in relation to this particular topic...

I have only ever slept with one woman. My wife. So that fits a religious morality code, I suppose. When we first slept together we weren't married (we are now...6 years, and 2 kids later).

Can you explain to me how 'husband' makes all the difference?