Teens: Questions about sex? Get them answered.

[Alceste]

well this is garbage....

I agree. I didn't meet the man I want to spend my life with until I was 33. If I'd married the first guy I was attracted to just so I could finally have sex, I never would have met my man. Plus my man would never have wanted to become entangled with a 33 year old woman who had never had sex and never been in a serious relationship.

It's poppycock, plain and simple. If a woman (or a man) is not 100 % certain, body and soul, that she has found her intellectual, spiritual, sexual and emotional match, she should not be pressured to commit for life simply to explore whatever feelings of mutual attraction exist with other people she meets before he comes along.

I know people who have found their ideal mate in their 50s or 60s after raising kids and getting divorced from a spouse they were not compatible with.

A wedding ring is not a magic wand that whisks away relationship problems and sexual incompatibilities.

 

[McBell]

And I bet those same people enjoy the feeling of being "in love," right?

yeppers.
Why wouldn't they?

Or wait...
Are you associating the two, sex and love?
Perhaps with some notion that you have to have both and not one without he other?
Or perhaps it is the notion that sex has to have love?

 

[McBell]

I agree. I didn't meet the man I want to spend my life with until I was 33. If I'd married the first guy I was attracted to just so I could finally have sex, I never would have met my man. Plus my man would never have wanted to become entangled with a 33 year old woman who had never had sex and never been in a serious relationship.

It's poppycock, plain and simple. If a woman (or a man) is not 100 % certain, body and soul, that she has found her intellectual, spiritual, sexual and emotional match, she should not be pressured to commit for life simply to explore whatever feelings of mutual attraction exist with other people she meets before he comes along.

I know people who have found their ideal mate in their 50s or 60s after raising kids and getting divorced from a spouse they were not compatible with.

A wedding ring is not a magic wand that whisks away relationship problems and sexual incompatibilities.

What does love have to do with marriage?
Especially in Biblical time when the only requirements was that it was between a man and as many women as he wants, and that their parents approved.
And in the case of the latter, the parents were the ones setting the marriage up.

It is likened to Matchmaker International excepting for the fact that back then the two getting married had no say in the matter....

So nowhere in a Biblical wedding is there love....

 

[T-Dawg]

yeppers.Why wouldn't they?Or wait...Are you associating the two, sex and love?Perhaps with some notion that you have to have both and not one without he other?Or perhaps it is the notion that sex has to have love?

I said "in love," not REAL love.

The question was sarcasm... EVERYONE hates the feeling of being "in love"... it's a horrible feeling... it makes you obsess over a girl, it makes you ecstatic when you think she might like you and it makes you depressed when you aren't around her, you feel happy and sad at the same time, you feel all sick inside, and the worst part is, your hormones force you to want it.

 

[McBell]

I said "in love," not REAL love.

The question was sarcasm... EVERYONE hates the feeling of being "in love"... it's a horrible feeling... it makes you obsess over a girl, it makes you ecstatic when you think she might like you and it makes you depressed when you aren't around her, you feel happy and sad at the same time, you feel all sick inside, and the worst part is, your hormones force you to want it.

I guess I had better self control back then.

 

[Alceste]

I said "in love," not REAL love.

The question was sarcasm... EVERYONE hates the feeling of being "in love"... it's a horrible feeling... it makes you obsess over a girl, it makes you ecstatic when you think she might like you and it makes you depressed when you aren't around her, you feel happy and sad at the same time, you feel all sick inside, and the worst part is, your hormones force you to want it.

Being in love is a great feeling, as long as it's mutual. Being obsessively infatuated with someone you hardly know, which is the feeling you describe, stinks. You'll grow out of that kind of thing.

 

[T-Dawg]

Being in love is a great feeling, as long as it's mutual.

"in love" is NEVER mutual. I've never once seen a relationship in either my life or anyone else's in which both people were infatuated with eachother. My guess is that something about the chemical reaction for "in love," and the hormones necessary, are fueled by a pheremone type (or are all pheremones the same?) that isn't attracted back to the pheremones of the other person (in other words, the chemical reaction for infatuation requires that the subject of infatuation not be compatible with the one infatuated).

 

[McBell]

"in love" is NEVER mutual. I've never once seen a relationship in either my life or anyone else's in which both people were infatuated with eachother.

so because YOU have never seen it, it does not exist?

Interesting argument.
Not very impressive or persuasive, but interesting non the less.

My guess is that something about the chemical reaction for "in love," and the hormones necessary, are fueled by a pheremone type (or are all pheremones the same?) that isn't attracted back to the pheremones of the other person (in other words, the chemical reaction for infatuation requires that the subject of infatuation not be compatible with the one infatuated).

Your guess?
Yes, interesting.

 

[Alceste]

"in love" is NEVER mutual. I've never once seen a relationship in either my life or anyone else's in which both people were infatuated with eachother. My guess is that something about the chemical reaction for "in love," and the hormones necessary, are fueled by a pheremone type (or are all pheremones the same?) that isn't attracted back to the pheremones of the other person (in other words, the chemical reaction for infatuation requires that the subject of infatuation not be compatible with the one infatuated).

You'll grow out of that too.

 

[Vasilisa Jade]

The Amazing Loser,

Once again, did you use lubrication? Just checking...

I also agree with Mestemia in that something about this love/real love/girls and love sucks might be affecting your perception of sexual things/experiences.

You are also going through a turbulent time with your hormones like you stated, and there is a lot of negativity that keeps getting uncovered. You seem aware, which is great, but now just be patient with yourself, don't get mad at yourself, and wait for this hormonal bad period to pass.

Also keep experimenting. Keep messing around with it. The only important thing is that you get it straightened out before you enter into a sexual relationship one day, and since you are going to wait till marriage you have plenty of time.

His situation is so bizarre to me...

I guess I have just always been a very sexual person.

 

[d3vaLL]

The Amazing Loser,

I have refrained from commenting on your assumptions for one reason, I thought you were joking. I assume that others haven't because they are universally ing. Especially after your Why Does Everybody Love Reagan? thread. But, because I have nothing to lose but the respect of my internet peers and the fact that I'm not mature enough to just let it go- I'm actually going to debate this.

Think of masturbating like talking to a wall- it would be way more fun to talk to another person. It may also explain why talking to a wall is boring and not fun.

Think of masturbating like chewing a quarter pound of gum, at some point physical strain will hurt you. But more to the point, if you hate gum anyways, what do you expect?

Speaking of food- sex, love and relationships vary in degree in the same manner. Varying meals to satisfy the same urge.

I have been "in love" with someone "in love" with me, I have been "in love" with someone who wasn't. I have had sex while I was "in love" with a person, and sex when I wasn't with that person any longer. I have had one nightstands. I have woken up feeling great about some, and bad about others. NONE with regrets. I have had a 3 year relationship and I have had relationship for a "few hours." I have principles and codes that I abide by that are developed from my experiences.

If there is any equivocal stance I can relate to with the religious zealots or those who "just know," then it is my knowledge and experience with relationships. Everything and anything is possible with sex, love, and infatuation and the ONLY people on earth wise enough to accurately reflect opinions on their functions are those who have EXPERIENCE. Anything else is laughable.

 

[T-Dawg]

so because YOU have never seen it, it does not exist?Interesting argument.Not very impressive or persuasive, but interesting non the less.

Have YOU ever seen it, then? Why should I believe something my direct observation doesn't agree with? (And before you ask why I believe in God since I can't observe him, I'ma go on and be honest and say I have no idea.)

Your guess?Yes, interesting.

Got a better hypothesis?

I thought you were joking. I assume that others haven't because they are universally ing. Especially after your Why Does Everybody Love Reagan? thread.

What, do you actually like that scumball (Reagan) or something?
(By the way, people with Asperger's don't "joke" often. You'll be able to tell the few times I do, anyhow. But why would I joke about such a serious subject as sex?)
Anyways the rest makes sense, so I won't bother replying to them...


Bleh, I tried masturbating again this morning (less than 30 minutes ago). My body just wanted to do it for some reason. I remember thinking about people having sex (if it's signifigant what I'm daydreaming, one notable part of the fantasy was that the guy didn't want to have sex, and the female had to seduce him), and noticed that my pelvis was rubbing against the sheets, and it felt good (I think), and my body focused on the motions and dropped the daydream and kept trying to rub my pelvis against the sheets... eventually it gave up and I started hand masturbation (with about half of my mind screaming to stop, the other half cheering to keep going, it was about as civilized as a republican-democrat debate)... and of course, I ejaculated eventually.
It didn't feel horrible like last time, I don't think I felt anything particularly good either. Just a nocturnal emission with a lot more hype.
I wonder... did it feel less icky because of something biological that has to get out of my system the first time... or did the icky feeling come from The Evil entering my body, which I didn't feel the second time because it was already in (it might be important to note that I changed political idealogies not long after my first masturbation )... or was it just that I felt more comfortable about masturbating because I had my pants on the whole time and didn't have to worry about people finding out or having to clean up the sperm...

 

[Alceste]

Have YOU ever seen it, then? Why should I believe something my direct observation doesn't agree with? (And before you ask why I believe in God since I can't observe him, I'ma go on and be honest and say I have no idea.)Got a better hypothesis?

I know lots of people who are very much in love with each other. I was feeding the cats of some friends of mine while they were on holiday and was deeply touched to see little love notes they had left for each other all over their house. It was a little corny, sure, but it reminded me to stick it out, and not settle for anything less than what they found. They are both in their 50s, divorced from other people who they didn't love and both have grown children.

I don't know if Montreal is the City of Love or something, but I knew lots of long-term couples up there who were very much in love, and very happy. It gets easier as you get older. Younger people are often in a rush to "get a girlfriend" or "get a boyfriend" no matter who it is, and they have a heavy load of expectations and misconceptions. Also, the first few months of a relationship can be deceptive - you need to get burned by the "raging hormones" phase of a relationship (it's called limerence) a few times before you learn to be wary of it. A lot of people come out of limerence realizing they have nothing in common and don't particularly like one another. That's the most common teenage form of relationship. When people are older, have been in a couple of serious, long-term relationships and are content to be single, they tend to fall in love with someone who loves them back, and who they also like and have something in common with. There's still fireworks, but there's also hot chocolate and a warm blanket while you're watching.

If you live in a place where most people marry their first serious girlfriend or boyfriend, or get married too young (i.e. in their 20s), examples of real, mutual, lasting love will be more rare.

I wonder... did it feel less icky because of something biological that has to get out of my system the first time... or did the icky feeling come from The Evil entering my body

It's not Evil. It feels bad at first because you feel a little guilty, embarrassed and ashamed. Not because it IS wrong, but because somewhere along the line while you were growing up (maybe in that cursed abstinence education class), somebody taught you sexual desire is bad. It feels less "icky" as you continue to do it because bit by bit, you are de-conditioning yourself from this unhealthy puritanical attitude.

 

[d3vaLL]

Why the heck does everyone like Reagan?
An innocent question that I answered. Unfortunately, it was blatantly obvious you were turning it into a baiting tactic to jab at conservatives. I am not one. I always thought Reagan was an extremely interesting person and was really interested in debating his seemingly opposite spheres of personality and thought, but, unfortunately, I realized what you were about and still driving the "debate."

I merely thought you were being blatantly facetious again.

Why should I believe something my direct observation doesn't agree with?

We'll keep the backdoor unlocked for you.

 

[T-Dawg]

I know lots of people who are very much in love with each other. I was feeding the cats of some friends of mine while they were on holiday and was deeply touched to see little love notes they had left for each other all over their house. It was a little corny, sure, but it reminded me to stick it out, and not settle for anything less than what they found. They are both in their 50s, divorced from other people who they didn't love and both have grown children.I don't know if Montreal is the City of Love or something, but I knew lots of long-term couples up there who were very much in love, and very happy. It gets easier as you get older. Younger people are often in a rush to "get a girlfriend" or "get a boyfriend" no matter who it is, and they have a heavy load of expectations and misconceptions. Also, the first few months of a relationship can be deceptive - you need to get burned by the "raging hormones" phase of a relationship (it's called limerence) a few times before you learn to be wary of it. A lot of people come out of limerence realizing they have nothing in common and don't particularly like one another. That's the most common teenage form of relationship. When people are older, have been in a couple of serious, long-term relationships and are content to be single, they tend to fall in love with someone who loves them back, and who they also like and have something in common with. There's still fireworks, but there's also hot chocolate and a warm blanket while you're watching.

That's good to know, I guess .

If you live in a place where most people marry their first serious girlfriend or boyfriend, or get married too young (i.e. in their 20s), examples of real, mutual, lasting love will be more rare.

Oh. That explains a lot =O.

It's not Evil. It feels bad at first because you feel a little guilty, embarrassed and ashamed. Not because it IS wrong, but because somewhere along the line while you were growing up (maybe in that cursed abstinence education class), somebody taught you sexual desire is bad. It feels less "icky" as you continue to do it because bit by bit, you are de-conditioning yourself from this unhealthy puritanical attitude.

I was never told that masturbation is wrong or anything like that. It's that my first masturbation felt really similar to the feeling I got when one of The Evil's agents (the girl I liked) tried to rip out my soul (and failed).

An innocent question that I answered. Unfortunately, it was blatantly obvious you were turning it into a baiting tactic to jab at conservatives.

... What the hell? That thread was never a baiting tactic at conservatives. Heck, I WAS a conservative back when I wrote that. I still was able to realize that he was an evil man, but yet I always heard Americans talking about how great he was, and asked why. How the hell is that baiting?

You hypocrite, YOU'RE baiting me now, I think... you're making every blatantly false accusation you can in order to make me angry so I'll say whatever it is you want me to say.

We'll keep the backdoor unlocked for you.

I'm not sure what this means, but I'm going to assume it was intended to be insulting.

 

[Alceste]

That's good to know, I guess .Oh. That explains a lot =O.I was never told that masturbation is wrong or anything like that. It's that my first masturbation felt really similar to the feeling I got when one of The Evil's agents (the girl I liked) tried to rip out my soul (and failed)....

Whether or not you remember someone saying to you "sexual desire is bad", you've obviously learned to believe it somehow, otherwise you wouldn't think girls you find sexually attractive are sent by Satan to torment you.

 

[Mr Cheese]

"in love" is NEVER mutual. I've never once seen a relationship in either my life or anyone else's in which both people were infatuated with eachother. My guess is that something about the chemical reaction for "in love," and the hormones necessary, are fueled by a pheremone type (or are all pheremones the same?) that isn't attracted back to the pheremones of the other person (in other words, the chemical reaction for infatuation requires that the subject of infatuation not be compatible with the one infatuated).

You're young.........

believe it or not, you don't know everything

 

[Mr Cheese]

The Amazing Loser,

Once again, did you use lubrication? Just checking...

ha ha I always forget that many men have to use lube...

I always find that strange

 

[Vasilisa Jade]

ha ha I always forget that many men have to use lube...

I always find that strange

Ha, I thought all did.

I guess I just learned something.

 

[darkendless]

Ha, I thought all did.

I guess I just learned something.

I've never used lube lol