As an atheist, I would kill myself. I have tried to be an atheist and it lead to me having nothing to live for but drugs and pleasure. It eventually lead to me stabbing a man and I found God in jail. If I knew there was no God, I would end this life and do society a favor.
That seems a bit ... hardcore.
I'm terrified of who I am without the creator.
Technically, you are still you, regardless of (W)ho takes the credit for that.
It's like when many Christians balk at being primates: dude, Jesus loves you, yes? Well, you were a primate the entire time and God loves anyway.
I'm convinced that the voice inside me telling me to be good to others, think positively, renounce and reject the toxic thoughts, forgive others, be meek, humble, charitable, peaceful, and simple is God and spirit-guides directing me.
Okay.
If I don't believe there are spirits guiding me, I'm a dangerous person.
I mean this as a respectful question: are there voices telling you to ignore the other ones?
Let me tell you a tale I have told maybe one or two other people outside of my brother and mother:
I believe a spirit of some sort, who definitely was more elite than even archangels (maybe Powers?), took care of me as a child. As a child, "Susan" was a dear friend of mine who cheered me up and encouraged me despite an abusive childhood and LOTS of dreams where shadow demons were trying to kill me. One night, when I was 8, I vacuumed up the leader of one of the shadow demons. He stayed in this instinctive psychic prison for a decade. "Susan" got really ticked off, because she realized that, like the demons, anyone who stays in my head can't get out again. I'm a spiritual sarlaac pit, LOL. Even Satan won't spend too much time threatening me directly. The teen years meant I had to experience hormones AND a very ticked off Force of Nature who couldn't leave. My mind was splitting and shattering ... but so was she. We finally realized we were bonded. There was nothing we could do. In my early 30's I managed to expel her, but I was super depressed over the feeling that my soul was chopped in half and it didn't take. She was snapped back inside in just a couple of weeks. This year, after having watched the tv version of the Exorcist, we had an idea, and now she's been "traded" and is now free. Demons have tried attacking thinking I'm a weakling without her, but I don't exactly lack talent myself and they learned the hard way not to mess with me
She even threatened my loved ones in heaven so that I'd have to learn that I have power without her. I was able to absorb all the damage she was doing and gain that power for myself.
I'm sure many religions would have plenty to say about this story. However, only YOU have this spiritual relationship with the spirits in question, so screw everyone else. If you still need those spirits to show you the way, then still accept their help. However, it IS possible to learn how to use your own gifts.
<3
Also, I'm getting professional help and medications. Prayer works better.
Maybe someone more shamanistic might be able to help you? Even though I'm a nurse with a degree in psychology, I also value holistic concepts and concede that "cultural" traditions can work better, even if it's just because those traditions offer a comfortable language for that patient. Have you watched Legion? It's a fascinating show about the X-Men's founder Charles Xavier's son. They have also clearly watched Jim Henson's The Cube A LOT. You might find some inspiration about what you're going through. I find that using even blatant fiction can help provide a framework for your soul.
Why do you need to believe in punishment to not do bad things?
Some people need stronger, more visible boundaries than others.
Guess i'm just not a good person.
You're a good person with some impulse issues. Everyone has issues. Saints had a lot of them IIRC.
our friends on Earth want you to stay sober. How is that any different?
We're just as temporary?
