The Sum of Awe's search for love and confidence

[Vinayaka]

when I have a good conversation I feel good but it’s so not often
I seem to be very bad at wittiness and coming up with things to say so even if i said hi it would be hard for me to carry on the conversation from there. With strangers because I don’t know anything about them so not sure what to say first and with people im friends with because I feel pretty robotic asking small talk questions and never getting further because my mind is blank

Nothing wrong with small talk, but it's true if you can think of something more personal, it'll usually go further. Fine line there, as it could get too personal. I'm wondering now if, in your childhood, you had other people (parents, siblings) do your talking for you. This morning I was at the temple I go to, and this total stranger (not really) said my name to me. Eventually I had to ask him how he knew me, and it turned out he remembered my name from pre-Covid times. I couldn't remember him at all. He had his wife and 2 kids with him, so I sat down to chat with the older child, like I often do, from being a teacher. But this guy got it. He insisted to his shy daughter that she answer my questions, and definitely didn't answer them for her, like some (helicopter) parents do. Turns out they had just got their Canadian citizenship.

I was so shy younger, but becoming a teacher must have helped.

 

[Riders]

Try volunteering somewhere ( a hospital, the library etc). It's a more natural way to meet people.

Volunteering is a good idea. The church is also a good idea. If you are not into religion try a philosophy group instead. Also if you are into politics and look under meetup .com sight you can find political groups that meet.

 

[Trailblazer]

when I have a good conversation I feel good but it’s so not often
I seem to be very bad at wittiness and coming up with things to say so even if i said hi it would be hard for me to carry on the conversation from there. With strangers because I don’t know anything about them so not sure what to say first and with people im friends with because I feel pretty robotic asking small talk questions and never getting further because my mind is blank

Don't feel bad. I don't talk to strangers either, not unless they talk to me first.

 

[The Sum of Awe]

Excuses, excuses. A person can think of a million excuses not to do something.

The worlds greatest salesman took me door to door selling. After an hour or two, I heard no so many times I was ready to quit and go home. The worlds greatest salesman just laughed at me. He said it's just a matter of numbers. You ask enough people someone is going to buy. You count the wins not the losses. This turned out to be true. By the end of the day, we had a good selling day even though I heard no more times than I could count.

Did you even try? Ignore your what ifs. Like you said: Just do it.

There was a guy who was promoted. He was so nervous public speaking that people had a hard time understanding him. In time, he became a great public speaker. Sure he went to some public speaking classes but what really changed things was the fact that the more you do something: the better you get and the less nervous you are. Now, I see him public speaking at every chance he can get.

Are you getting enough practice? Go out and strike up a conversation with everyone you bump into. After a few days, it will seem natural to do it.

Ask for help. Excuse me, do you know where such and such place is? Do you think I need an umbrella? Where can one find a good hamburger? Thanks, come on go with me. I'll buy you one for helping. Would these clothes I'm wearing impress when I'm asking for a date?

Sometimes, it's as easy as a Smile and Hi. People meant for each other feel for each other sometimes immediately. Chemistry gets everyone's attention.

Be a helpful person. See someone needing help, offer help unconditionally. The more people you have connections with; the more friends of people you can meet.

You are a Wonderful Work of Art!! There is no one in the universe exactly like you nor will there ever be. That makes you Special and made to have connections with others.

True Love exists for us all. On the other hand, sometimes True Love doesn't show up until later in life. Always be ready and open for True Love tends to show up when one least expects it.

When going up to meet others, think how much you can learn and teach each other. Just like the worlds greatest salesman, never count the losses. Learn from the experiences and the wins are going to show up. It's all a matter of numbers.

That's what I see. It's very clear!!

I always tell myself to just do it, and to not think about the what ifs. Can't seem to get past the panic mode.

 

[The Sum of Awe]

I have a date tomorrow!!!!!

I'm so nervous, I have no idea what's gonna happen! I feel like I'm going to be horrible at the conversations!

This is with a coworker on another shift who had once given me her number but I rejected at the time because of my crush on my other coworker. I just asked her out on Facebook. The small talk on Facebook really didn't travel much at all, so if I failed at that I'm probably going to fail in person? I honestly have no idea, it's worth a try I guess but still... I'm so nervous I'm going to be boring, or it will just be a question and answers type deal. I really hope I can do this right.

Please pray to your God(s) for me! Any advice welcome! Anything at all welcome, honestly! Super happy just very nervous hahaha

Also: If this do happen to become awkward, what is the next step?

 

[The Sum of Awe]

I think what I'm afraid of is: I don't really know this girl, I haven't talked to her much. What if we just don't connect and things become awkward? Awkward situations errrrr.... I'm afraid of them, but maybe I should learn to get used to them.

 

[Trailblazer]

I think what I'm afraid of is: I don't really know this girl, I haven't talked to her much. What if we just don't connect and things become awkward? Awkward situations errrrr.... I'm afraid of them, but maybe I should learn to get used to them.

Maybe this is not what you want to hear, but ease comes with practice, so the more you expose yourself to the situation, whatever it is, the more comfortable and confident you will become. But at first you might feel awkward or afraid.

That's like me and driving the car. I did not drive for a very long time and then I was scared to drive again, but push came to shove and I had to drive so I faced my fears and eventually I was not afraid anymore. I still know my limits and what I am capable of so I don't drive out of town unless I have to and I don't drive on the interstate and I don't drive if road conditions are bad, like if there is any ice or snow.

 

[The Sum of Awe]

After some sleep and organizing my thoughts, here is what my fear is:

I don't know this girl really at all, she gave me her number once and after a couple months I finally texted her (out of trying to get my mind off this other girl). I think there might be the potential for connection with this girl, I figured it doesn't hurt to try.

But I really don't see it going anywhere. Unless she's absolutely stunning, I probably wouldn't like to take this to another level... She has kids, and I'm not against kids but it's going to have to be with someone I truly have feelings for.

This is a getting-to-know-each-other kind of date. And I just feel bad rejecting her after being the one to ask her out. I've never been on a date before anyways. I really should've thought this through before asking her out. She's pretty, she's kind, she likes similar musics. That's all I know so far.

Should I feel guilty if this doesn't work out? Would I be wrong to say, after this date, "I just want to remain friends"? I feel so guilty about it but I think I know there's nothing wrong with it.

 

[JustGeorge]

I think what I'm afraid of is: I don't really know this girl, I haven't talked to her much. What if we just don't connect and things become awkward? Awkward situations errrrr.... I'm afraid of them, but maybe I should learn to get used to them.

Embrace the awkward! Stop fearing it, and it'll lose its hold on you... awkward is okay. It won't hurt anything.

After some sleep and organizing my thoughts, here is what my fear is:

I don't know this girl really at all, she gave me her number once and after a couple months I finally texted her (out of trying to get my mind off this other girl). I think there might be the potential for connection with this girl, I figured it doesn't hurt to try.

But I really don't see it going anywhere. Unless she's absolutely stunning, I probably wouldn't like to take this to another level... She has kids, and I'm not against kids but it's going to have to be with someone I truly have feelings for.

This is a getting-to-know-each-other kind of date. And I just feel bad rejecting her after being the one to ask her out. I've never been on a date before anyways. I really should've thought this through before asking her out. She's pretty, she's kind, she likes similar musics. That's all I know so far.

Should I feel guilty if this doesn't work out? Would I be wrong to say, after this date, "I just want to remain friends"? I feel so guilty about it but I think I know there's nothing wrong with it.

I think you're putting the cart before the horses. This is a date, not a wedding. See how things go. If it goes well, great. If not, you don't have to see her again.

 

[The Sum of Awe]

Embrace the awkward! Stop fearing it, and it'll lose its hold on you... awkward is okay. It won't hurt anything.


I think you're putting the cart before the horses. This is a date, not a wedding. See how things go. If it goes well, great. If not, you don't have to see her again.

You're right, but I really wish I had thought it through more before I had asked her out. I feel like we both know it was intended to see if we could become partners... but now rethinking it, I'm so inexperienced with children. I admitted this to her (after asking her out). I feel like this might be a dealbreaker, what if I'm good with her but not with her kids? I'm not sure if this was poor intuition or if I'm just over-worrying. I did think about the kid factor, and told myself that "if I like her a lot maybe I can adapt to children" but now I'm doubting that conclusion.

And if that's the case, I feel incredibly selfish for not fully considering these matters.

 

[JustGeorge]

You're right, but I really wish I had thought it through more before I had asked her out. I feel like we both know it was intended to see if we could become partners... but now rethinking it, I'm so inexperienced with children. I admitted this to her (after asking her out). I feel like this might be a dealbreaker, what if I'm good with her but not with her kids? I'm not sure if this was poor intuition or if I'm just over-worrying. I did think about the kid factor, and told myself that "if I like her a lot maybe I can adapt to children" but now I'm doubting that conclusion.

And if that's the case, I feel incredibly selfish for not fully considering these matters.

You're overthinking things.

What if you're good with the kids but not with her?

You may click, you may not. There's your opinion to consider, but there's hers, too.

Don't let your brain run off too far into the distance.

Take care of the moment, and let the future unfold.

 

[Trailblazer]

Should I feel guilty if this doesn't work out? Would I be wrong to say, after this date, "I just want to remain friends"? I feel so guilty about it but I think I know there's nothing wrong with it.

No, you should not feel guilty. I went on a date with a man I met on a dating site and it became obvious to me during the date that he would never be the one for me. He was a nice man but we had nothing in common and I was not physically attracted to him. At the end of the date, which was a walk in the park, he asked if he would see me again, and I said "no, I don't think so." It was awkward because I felt sorry for him because he was so lonely, but I got through it.

 

[Trailblazer]

You're overthinking things.

What if you're good with the kids but not with her?

You may click, you may not. There's your opinion to consider, but there's hers, too.

Don't let your brain run off too far into the distance.

Take care of the moment, and let the future unfold.

God, I hate this whole dating game! Sometimes I hate it enough to just say it's not even worth the bother, but if I give up I will be alone for the rest of my life so I don't really know what to do.

 

[The Sum of Awe]

Alright! Got my expired credit card? Check. Rusted, ol' work boots? Check. Cock-eyed glasses? Check.

cleans nose into neck of my shirt.
spits into hand and pats down hair.
smiles at myself in the mirror with my yellow teeth.
Let's do this!

 

[The Sum of Awe]

God, I hate this whole dating game! Sometimes I hate it enough to just say it's not even worth the bother, but if I give up I will be alone for the rest of my life so I don't really know what to do.

Never give up! The search for the things we want is stressful, but if we can enjoy ourselves while embracing this stress then there's always a chance we can have our cake and eat it too!

 

[Trailblazer]

Never give up! The search for the things we want is stressful, but if we can enjoy ourselves while embracing this stress then there's always a chance we can have our cake and eat it too!

No, I am not giving up, I am just trying to decide what to do next. I mean I have bombed out on several dating sites so I am trying to decide whether to try another one that is more reputable.

You are truly an inspiration and I need that now.

 

[The Sum of Awe]

Was not nearly as bad as I thought it'd be.

 

[JustGeorge]

Was not nearly as bad as I thought it'd be.

Was it... okay, maybe? So-so? Average?

 

[The Sum of Awe]

Was it... okay, maybe? So-so? Average?

We did have different levels of energy, I kind of expected that since I'm naturally a shy person and she's more extroverted. We met somewhere in the middle for that setting but there was just no connection. I also feel like I was kind of bad at guiding the conversation, but I did my best and wasn't horrible (it helped that she was extroverted and could guide the conversation).

 

[JustGeorge]

We did have different levels of energy, I kind of expected that since I'm naturally a shy person and she's more extroverted. We met somewhere in the middle for that setting but there was just no connection. I also feel like I was kind of bad at guiding the conversation, but I did my best and wasn't horrible (it helped that she was extroverted and could guide the conversation).

Well, at least now you know. I hope it was at least an okay way to spend a Monday evening.