I wish I could give your post a 'friendly' frubal, Ella. Thank you for your kind and thoughtful response. I appreciate it.
I posted the following in another thread, but I thought it was also appropriate in response to your post.
According to the Bible, God is capable of hatred, as well as anger and jealousy. Christians, in my opinion, are deceiving themselves by focusing solely on his alleged love and mercy while ignoring the other verses that depict his hatred, anger, and jealousy. When I left Christianity, I reread the Bible without rose-colored glasses, and I now see God as a sadistic and psychopathic monster who delights in inflicting pain and torturing people, as well as causing total chaos and disasters in order to inflict pain and kill people. And as a former devout Christian and survivor of childhood abuse, I compare God to a narcissistic and abusive parent who only "loves" you when you do or say exactly what they want you to do. And you think that if you don't make them angry, they won't hurt you, but you're not completely sure because they have an extremely violent temper and are known to lash out in anger. So, if you disobey them and make them angry at you, then there will be hell to pay. That isn't a relationship based on unconditional love, but rather one based on fear and mistrust. If God exists, then I don't believe that he is worthy of my respect and reverence, let alone my love and worship. I do believe, however, that he has earned my contempt. If God exists, then he can go to hell. He clearly doesn't think I'm worth his time, and I now don't think he's worth mine.