McBell
Admiral Obvious
Your desperation is showing.
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Why are Christians so sexually insecure?
- Thread starter nnmartin
- Start date
I don't think you can blame Christianity for all the sexual insecurity that some Christians evince, because a certain amount of sexual insecurity seems innate in our species.
No matter where go, sex is surrounded by taboos and prohibitions. Those vary from culture to culture, but some underlying principles seem to be more or less universal. One such universal is that having sex in public is typically -- not always, but typically -- prohibited in almost every society on earth. Humans, unlike most primates, seem to be embarrassed to have sex in front of others. Such an apparently innate taboo could easily translate into feelings of guilt and shame about sex.
One criticism you might make about Christianity is that historically it has often enough taken the easy out of reinforcing that innate taboo, rather than rising above it.
No matter where go, sex is surrounded by taboos and prohibitions. Those vary from culture to culture, but some underlying principles seem to be more or less universal. One such universal is that having sex in public is typically -- not always, but typically -- prohibited in almost every society on earth. Humans, unlike most primates, seem to be embarrassed to have sex in front of others. Such an apparently innate taboo could easily translate into feelings of guilt and shame about sex.
One criticism you might make about Christianity is that historically it has often enough taken the easy out of reinforcing that innate taboo, rather than rising above it.
Of course everyone is insecure their first time. I was referring specifically to those people intensely insecure about their own natural urges. They're either taught to hate those urges or feel extremely guilty for even having them to begin with. It's not just simple uncertainty or apprehension, but an unhealthy distrust and disgust with one's one body. Fortunately most people, including many Christians, don't have this issue.
I'm pretty sure everyone feels uncertain and scared their first time. It certainty doesn't just apply to the abstinent and I'm definitely not against the choice to wait until marriage nor does that make someone sexually-repressed. I hope I didn't imply this in my past threads on sexuality. I'm just against the arrogance in thinking that's the only possible way to be sexually responsible. I guess I understand that its not the followers of this belief that are themselves arrogant necessarily, but rather the dogma they unquestioningly follow. You can be responsible without being wholly abstinence until marriage.
You misunderstood. I didn't say that "sexually-loose" was healthy. I was contrasting it with the opposite position of extreme sexual repression that is just as harmful. I advocate moderation, compassion, and humility in practice and I also did state that many Christians are perfectly healthy in their sexuality so we cannot really generalize.
-Peacemaker-
.45 Cal
First Things First: Out of Wedlock Pregnancy Fact Sheet
Boys born to teen mothers are 2.7 times more likely to end up behind bars than their peers born within a marriage. Maynard, Kids Having Kids
Studies indicate that more than 70 percent of juveniles in state reform institutions come from fatherless homes. Jennifer E. Marshall, Sanctioning Illegitimacy: Our National Character Is at Stake, Family Research Council. 3/28/97
In Tennessee only 17.0 percent of the children referred to juvenile court in 1995 were from two parent homes. For African Americans, only 9.8 percent of these children have both parents at home. Tennessee Kids Count
It is estimated that a 10 percent increase in illegitimacy rates leads to a 17 percent increase in serious violent crime. Social Breakdown in America
Construction and maintenance of prisons to house the increasing number of criminals due to teen pregnancies costs about $1 billion. Maynard, Kids Having Kids
The link provided above is just one of many places to find these stats. If you do an internet search with words such as "unwed" "parents" "children" "crime" you'll see more evidence than you'll have time to read.
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pwfaith
Active Member
I'm not sure what Christian church you grew up in but in my 34 years, this was not true of any of the churches I attended. People were taught to control their urges and be discreet but that's hardly equal to hating them or feelings of extreme guilt.
However, when those feelings are abused or used incorrectly, then yes there is guilt, as well there should be b/c it is sin and we should feel guilty when we sin until we ask forgiveness. But again, teaching one how to have control or be discreet, is not akin to hatred or unnecessary guilt. (And by control I mean similar to me teaching my child to hold her tongue instead of saying every little thing that enters her mind, to think before she speaks and have control over her words/thoughts/actions).
I tend to see it falling into the category of "there is a time and a place" - what people differ on is the "time & place"
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I'm not sure what Christian church you grew up in but in my 34 years, this was not true of any of the churches I attended. People were taught to control their urges and be discreet but that's hardly equal to hating them or feelings of extreme guilt.
However, when those feelings are abused or used incorrectly, then yes there is guilt, as well there should be b/c it is sin and we should feel guilty when we sin until we ask forgiveness. But again, teaching one how to have control or be discreet, is not akin to hatred or unnecessary guilt. (And by control I mean similar to me teaching my child to hold her tongue instead of saying every little thing that enters her mind, to think before she speaks and have control over her words/thoughts/actions).
I tend to see it falling into the category of "there is a time and a place" - what people differ on is the "time & place"
That's why I keep saying over and over again that most Christians don't have this issue, but it does occur in some circles and churches. I have known of some Christians afflicted with this type of upbringing. I'm glad to hear that you avoid the belief that the body is debased and its desires should be ignored or repressed. I also believe sex should be pursued with responsible control and humility.
Kathryn
It was on fire when I laid down on it.
The OP's title - "Why are Christians sexually insecure" is a generalization. And I was simply contrasting the two models you were discussing in more detail.
McBell
Admiral Obvious
Now do you have something that includes the rest of the country outside of Hamilton County Tennessee?
-Peacemaker-
.45 Cal
"Only 13 percent of juvenile delinquents come from families in which the biological mother and father are married to each other. By contract, 33 percent have parents who are either divorced or separated and 44 percent have parents who were never married."
Source: Wisconsin Dept. of Health and Social Services, April 1994.
Facts on Fatherless Kids
Perhaps you can see that maybe God wasn't smoking crack when he demanded sex be used only in a certain context.
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Cassiopia
Sugar and Spice
Do you have any evidence that the marriages referred to in these cherry picked statistics were church weddings rather than secular ones?
Do you have any statistics for countries in which Christianity is not the dominant religion?
no-body
Well-Known Member
How nice now let's look at the stats beyond that and realize that asking people to stay abstinent is unrealistic no matter how much you wish to punish people and force untold numbers of unwanted babies upon the world (but hey at least they won't be criminals right?)
After Years of Decline, Teenage Pregnancy Rate Rises - NYTimes.com
"According to the Guttmacher analysis, the teenage pregnancy rate declined 41 percent from its peak, in 1990, when there were 116.9 pregnancies per 1,000 women aged 15 to 19, and 2005, when there were only 69.5 per 1,000. In 2006, the rate rose to 71.5 pregnancies for 1,000 women."
Or maybe people should just get married in their teens before they have sex. That will solve everything.
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I wonder what God intended for the act prior to the invention of the institution of marriage?
pwfaith
Active Member
Cassiopia
Sugar and Spice
There was nothing, God created the institution of marriage with Adam & Eve
Do you have a bible reference for their marriage?
-Peacemaker-
.45 Cal
Genesis 4:1 "Adam lay with his wife Eve, and she became pregnant and gave birth to Cain. She said, "With the help of the LORD I have brought forth a man.""
Genesis doesn't chronicle the wedding ceremony but it makes clear they were married
Genesis doesn't chronicle the wedding ceremony but it makes clear they were married
McBell
Admiral Obvious
So your claim is that having sex indicates that they were married?
Really?
that's thin even for you.
Cassiopia
Sugar and Spice
Sorry but the only thing that is made clear in that text is that they had sex.
-Peacemaker-
.45 Cal
Maybe you guys translate the word "wife" differently than I do.
-Peacemaker-
.45 Cal
Here's before they ever had sex. Just after God made Eve
Genesis 2
But for Adamh no suitable helper was found. 21So the Lord God caused the man to fall into a deep sleep; and while he was sleeping, he took one of the man’s ribsi and closed up the place with flesh. 22Then the Lord God made a woman from the ribj he had taken out of the man, and he brought her to the man.
23The man said,
“This is now bone of my bones
and flesh of my flesh;
she shall be called ‘woman,k’
for she was taken out of man.”
24For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh.
25The man and his wife were both naked, and they felt no shame.
Genesis 2
But for Adamh no suitable helper was found. 21So the Lord God caused the man to fall into a deep sleep; and while he was sleeping, he took one of the man’s ribsi and closed up the place with flesh. 22Then the Lord God made a woman from the ribj he had taken out of the man, and he brought her to the man.
23The man said,
“This is now bone of my bones
and flesh of my flesh;
she shall be called ‘woman,k’
for she was taken out of man.”
24For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh.
25The man and his wife were both naked, and they felt no shame.