Why are Some Men Sexually Interested in Lesbians?

[tumbleweed41]

I agree. And I agree that bi-sexuals are a very different matter. But what puzzles me is why you want to stop at just a couple? Is your restraint because you're married?

Married to a bisexual.

 

[Alceste]

This is like asking- why are women attracted to gay men?

They wash.

 

[Koldo]

I gather from several posts in this thread that, for some men, that's true enough. I am certain, though, that it is not true of all men.

It doesn't have to be. Your topic question is about some men, not every men!

So I gather from several of the responses to this thread. Do you think such men are being realistic?

I have already seen guys date with so called lesbians girls. So although everyone thought of them as lesbians they were bisexuals (or became). Anyway, sexual interest is not based on a real possibility. I have sexual interest in famous actress "X" but she lives in the other side of the planet and it is very unlikely i will ever see her in person, but i am still sexually interested in her.

Surely not. Not so long as she lacks interest. And if her lack of interest is for any reason especially blatant or decisive, then I'm likely to thoroughly dismiss her as a potential sex partner.

Near as I can relate to what you're saying is to recall how it was like when I was 16, 18, 21, or even as late as my mid twenties. Back then, I was often horny enough to have sex with anyone who let me -- regardless of how unenthusiastic they were. I think that level of horniness is pretty much natural early in life.

I imagine, if someone had asked me the OP question back then, I would have answered it much more like you have. So, I think I see where you could be coming from.

But I suspect you can only have sex with an indifferent partner a few times at most before you develop a gut-level rejection of having sex with an indifferent partner. At least, something like that has been my experience. Maybe some others have a greater tolerance for indifference, apathy, lack of interest. From what's been said in this thread, it would no longer surprise me if that was the case.

I never dismiss anyone as a sexual partner just because the woman doesn't want have sex with me NOW. There is always an "AFTER", a "LATER". I believe many men think the same way as me.

Also, you are twisting the thoughts. You are taking for granted that the lesbians are gonna be indifferent, and that is not what many men think.

 

[Alceste]

This thread has really taken me by surprise. I had thought more people would be averse to having sex with a partner who doesn't want to have sex with them. So now I'm totally confused.

If you look a little closer, you'll see that (up to this post, anyway) nobody is saying they actually want to have sex with a real live lesbian. They want to watch them or have threesomes with them, and for the most part it's squarely in the realm of fantasy. IE, no Rosie O'Donnells, just two gay or bi Halle Berrys getting it on.

I have OTOH heard a guy comment that all lesbians need is sex with a "real man" to straighten them out. That kind of thinking is disturbing, and of course leads to all kinds of real world heartache and pain. I imagine the idea is that a man who has the raw sexual power to turn a lesbian straight is some kind of god, and the ego trip is what gets them off.

 

[doppelganger]

Couple of interesting studies.

First, a person may have a very strong sexual/arousal response to viewing lesbian erotica, but still be quite "homophobic"

WebCite query result

Second, among those who hold negative attitudes toward gay or lesbian activities, it tends to correlate with authoritarianism, prejudice toward minorities generally, and lower education. It is stronger in men than in women on average, and stronger toward gay men than toward lesbians, on average.

Perceived erotic value of homosexuality and sex-role attitudes as mediators of sex differences in heterosexual college students' attitudes toward lesbians and gay men | Journal of Sex Research | Find Articles at BNET

 

[Songbird]

Men like the fake lesbians in porn, which caters to them specifically, more so than the real ones. Of course you'll also have girls who just act bi at parties and such simply for the attention factor.

On a somewhat side note, this comment reminded me of an article I read on men who are addicted to porn. Not about occasional, casual porn viewing, but men who constantly consume porn often aren't able to be aroused in real life. Part of the dysfunction is in not accepting that sex is give and take - in mainstream porn, it's mostly women serving men, and it appears that women have no sexual needs. Sex is all about being self-centeredly catered to, without giving in return. In this sense, faking a lesbian act for others makes me sad. It's a different matter than being aroused by or taking pleasure in acting out a loved one's fantasy.

 

[ConfusedKuri]

On a somewhat side note, this comment reminded me of an article I read on men who are addicted to porn. Not about occasional, casual porn viewing, but men who constantly consume porn often aren't able to be aroused in real life. Part of the dysfunction is in not accepting that sex is give and take - in mainstream porn, it's mostly women serving men, and it appears that women have no sexual needs. Sex is all about being self-centeredly catered to, without giving in return. In this sense, faking a lesbian act for others makes me sad. It's a different matter than being aroused by or taking pleasure in acting out a loved one's fantasy.

Maybe the fact that they watch such type of porn way too often explains their sexual attitude and behaviour towards women, they expect a girl to be an expert on all things they see in porn movies...

 

[Songbird]

Couple of interesting studies.

First, a person may have a very strong sexual/arousal response to viewing lesbian erotica, but still be quite "homophobic"

WebCite query result

Second, among those who hold negative attitudes toward gay or lesbian activities, it tends to correlate with authoritarianism, prejudice toward minorities generally, and lower education. It is stronger in men than in women on average, and stronger toward gay men than toward lesbians, on average.

Perceived erotic value of homosexuality and sex-role attitudes as mediators of sex differences in heterosexual college students' attitudes toward lesbians and gay men | Journal of Sex Research | Find Articles at BNET

Interesting articles. Thanks! Reading the second one...

 

[McBell]

This is something I've never understood. Why are some men apparently interested in sex with lesbians? How is it possible to be interested in having sex with someone who is not interested in having sex with you? I would think just the thought of it alone is enough to creep someone out. So how come some people are turned on by it?

Don't misunderstand: Offline, I have a few friends who are lesbians and they are awesome people. It's just that I'm not sexually interested in them.

I suspect it has to do with the idea of having something you cannot ever get.

 

[Father Heathen]

On a somewhat side note, this comment reminded me of an article I read on men who are addicted to porn. Not about occasional, casual porn viewing, but men who constantly consume porn often aren't able to be aroused in real life. Part of the dysfunction is in not accepting that sex is give and take - in mainstream porn, it's mostly women serving men, and it appears that women have no sexual needs. Sex is all about being self-centeredly catered to, without giving in return. In this sense, faking a lesbian act for others makes me sad. It's a different matter than being aroused by or taking pleasure in acting out a loved one's fantasy.

Yeah, porn definitely warps many a man's perception of what real sex is supposed to be, which leads to wacky embellishments when it comes to their tales of sexual conquest.

 

[Songbird]

Yeah, porn definitely warps many a man's perception of what real sex is supposed to be, which leads to wacky embellishments when it comes to their tales of sexual conquest.

Word.

Is that too 1998? Should I stop saying "word"?

 

[9-10ths_Penguin]

I don't think so. If anything, the question is just like asking, "Why do you want to have sex with someone who doesn't want to have sex with you?'

Would the average porn star woman want to have sex with her average audience member?

 

[Dirty Penguin]

This is something I've never understood. Why are some men apparently interested in sex with lesbians? How is it possible to be interested in having sex with someone who is not interested in having sex with you? I would think just the thought of it alone is enough to creep someone out. So how come some people are turned on by it?

Don't misunderstand: Offline, I have a few friends who are lesbians and they are awesome people. It's just that I'm not sexually interested in them.

We're just sexually interested in women but I think we're intrigued by the idea of two women and envisioning ourselves participating.....OR it could be that we're just greedy....:drool:

 

[Father Heathen]

Would the average porn star woman want to have sex with her average audience member?

I don't see how sex isn't completely ruined for veteran hardcore porn stars, especially considering how many of them got into the business in the first place.

 

[Songbird]

So, what's everyone's opinion - is sex something women can get any time but men can't? Is it something men want more than women, making it a naturally unequal commodity?

Sorry if this is irrelevant to the thread, Sunstone. I'm wondering these things in connection to your OP.

 

[Koldo]

Men can get sex any time. As long they have the money and a prostitute nearby.

 

[Father Heathen]

So, what's everyone's opinion - is sex something women can get any time but men can't? Is it something men want more than women, making it a naturally unequal commodity?

It does seem that it's a lot easier for a woman to find a willing partner - if she's willing to compromise her tastes, standards and judge of character.

 

[Penumbra]

So, what's everyone's opinion - is sex something women can get any time but men can't? Is it something men want more than women, making it a naturally unequal commodity?

Sorry if this is irrelevant to the thread, Sunstone. I'm wondering these things in connection to your OP.

I think when it comes to sex that is shared between people who really care for each other, both men and women have an equally difficult time of finding it.

When it comes to sex for mostly physical reasons, women do likely have an easier time finding it as long as they are in decent shape. Males seem to desire the body of females more than females desire the body of males. Women, on average, are more likely to search for the more emotional aspects of it.

 

[Alceste]

It does seem that it's a lot easier for a woman to find a willing partner - if she's willing to compromise her tastes, standards and judge of character.

T'aint necessarily so. You can't really just walk up to a guy who's been showing interest and say "how about it?". It ruins the chase or something and they tend to run off gibbering really implausible excuses. I've tried.

You can flutter your eyelashes and follow someone around all day but it's still generally his call whether you get any sex for your trouble.

 

[Kilgore Trout]

How is it possible to be interested in having sex with someone who is not interested in having sex with you?

A man with that attitude is in for a long, sexless life. As a man, you have to sell women on why you're valuable before most of them will want to have sex with you. Generally, you've got to do a little convincing - at least to be with a chick worth being with.

And actually, for the record, I have slept with two different lesbians I had been friends with, but I've always seem to have this weird confusing effect on lesbians I've known. Heck, even my wife, who is bisexual, has generally seemed more interested in women than men, but she chose me.