why do people assume spanking is not harmful?

[sojourner]

I am sure they don't even hear their stomachs when it's hungry. They only eat by instinct on specific times, unless they have a pedicure to do. And they call themselves good parents.

Bet I've had more formal training in abuse recognition and abuse prevention and reporting than you suspect... in addition to more than a fair amount of childhood development study.

 

[Shadow Wolf]

I Would like to know how adults will be kept within bounds. Since they are the ones that do the most immoral things. And talking about returns. We need to return to the time and age where cheating on your partner was prison worthy. That way there will be less cheating and less divorces.

Or, we could just acknowledge that humans can be monogamous or polygamous and let each person live a fulfilling life that doesn't harm anyone?

 

[NocLue]

I am ****** up. Not because I was spanked. And I deserved most of those spankings(how the footprints got on the ceiling is beyond me but if it wasn't the kids than who was it? )
I am ****** up because my parents were ****** up. As was the system they were a part of. (Therapist telling my mother that in order to get over her fear of men is to have more sex with her husband. Really?)

Actually being intimate with what you fear, is a good way to help you get over it. Because that way you get to find out whether what you fear is actually true and not just in your mind. But sex? Really?

It wouldn't take sex for me. Cuddling is plenty. But then again. I find sex to be filthy.

 

[The Sum of Awe]

I was spank and I think I grew up just fine, there is no proof that spanking causes mental issues or anything like that. Getting the belt out, possibly. But just spanking a little bit teaches a lesson, the children know not to do it again.

Time out in the corner, putting to bed, taking away toys, etc. work but you need to do different punishments for different things.

 

[dgirl1986]

Again I ask...

So what would you do to discipline your two year old (without smacking/spanking) when you find him strangling the cat and he thinks it is a joke

 

[NocLue]

Or, we could just acknowledge that humans can be monogamous or polygamous and let each person live a fulfilling life that doesn't harm anyone?

so everyone has rights except children?

 

[The Sum of Awe]

so everyone has rights except children?

Children have rights, but they also have rules given by their parents, if we let children have the same rights as adults, they wouldn't know what to do with them.

 

[dgirl1986]

so everyone has rights except children?

Last I heard that children have a lot of rights.

 

[Rakhel]

It wouldn't take sex for me. Cuddling is plenty. But then again. I find sex to be filthy.

I'm not even sure how to approach that.

 

[Marie75]

I didn't read all of the replies just yet but spanking doesn't do one thing as far as disciplining a child. My brother in law smacks the heck out of his step kids and they are defiant and misbehave constantly! It's like they do it out of spite. It's all about telling them that what they are doing is wrong and being a good person will pay off in the long run...etc etc. (My method). There's more...but hard to explain right now.

 

[NocLue]

Again I ask...

How about taking the cat away? and ground him for a week. or give him a time out a minute per age. In case he throws a tantrum because of it. which is always possible. Ignore totally and completely, and let him throw his tantrum. In the best case, he will get the message that screaming is not the way to get through to you. In the worst case, he will cry himself to sleep, and at least you will have your peace of mind. You know even as an adult. I Respect people who ignore me when I am out of my mind, more than people who whine, about why something I did or said was somehow wrong. The whiners I tell to **** right off, and leave me alone until they calm down and are ready to talk like people, rather than fight like cats with a mouse.

 

[dgirl1986]

How about taking the cat away? and ground him for a week. or give him a time out a minute per age. In case he throws a tantrum because of it. which is always possible. Ignore totally and completely, and let him throw his tantrum. In the best case, he will get the message that screaming is not the way to get through to you. In the worst case, he will cry himself to sleep, and at least you will have your peace of mind. You know even as an adult. I Respect people who ignore me when I am out of my mind, more than people who whine, about why something I did or said was somehow wrong. The whiners I tell to **** right off, and leave me alone until they calm down and are ready to talk like people, rather than fight like cats with a mouse.

How the heck do you ground a two year to a point where he understands that what is happening is because he had behaved badly with the pet of hte house? That is more suited to a child that is a bit older who can understand that concept of consequence.

 

[NocLue]

I didn't read all of the replies just yet but spanking doesn't do one thing as far as disciplining a child. My brother in law smacks the heck out of his step kids and they are defiant and misbehave constantly! It's like they do it out of spite. It's all about telling them that what they are doing is wrong and being a good person will pay off in the long run...etc etc. (My method). There's more...but hard to explain right now.

agnostic huh? me too. I guess this topic has more to do with religious cruelty then discipline of children. This cruelty is one of the reasons I changed my views on religion. I still like the basic christian message. But I don't let it define me.

 

[fallingblood]

How about taking the cat away? and ground him for a week. or give him a time out a minute per age. In case he throws a tantrum because of it. which is always possible. Ignore totally and completely, and let him throw his tantrum. In the best case, he will get the message that screaming is not the way to get through to you. In the worst case, he will cry himself to sleep, and at least you will have your peace of mind. You know even as an adult. I Respect people who ignore me when I am out of my mind, more than people who whine, about why something I did or said was somehow wrong. The whiners I tell to **** right off, and leave me alone until they calm down and are ready to talk like people, rather than fight like cats with a mouse.

Any why not spank them, or slap their fingers? It also sends a distinct message, and if done appropriately (as in not out of anger, and then talking with them afterwards), leaves no actual damage.

Sending someone to their room can be just as damaging to a child, especially if it is for an extended period of time. Or if they are constantly having things taken away from them, it can also be quite damaging. The psychological effects can be quite negative.

 

[NocLue]

How the heck do you ground a two year to a point where he understands that what is happening is because he had behaved badly with the pet of hte house? That is more suited to a child that is a bit older who can understand that concept of consequence.

well my dear, if the kid is too stupid to understand why he gets grounded or time outed. Then what makes you think he can understand the reason why you hit him? If he is stupid then he is stupid period. If he is not that stupid though. Over time he will get the message.

 

[Shadow Wolf]

so everyone has rights except children?

I don't recall stating otherwise.

 

[dgirl1986]

well my dear, if the kid is too stupid to understand why he gets grounded or time outed. Then what makes you think he can understand the reason why you hit him? If he is stupid then he is stupid period. If he is not that stupid though. Over time he will get the message.

This has nothing to do with stupidity, it is to do with the developmental stages of children in the first 6 years of their life and their limit of understanding in these different stages.

I smacked his hand and told him no, you do not hurt the cat. He then realised that what he had done was a bad thing, where as earlier he thought it was a joke. He wasnt taking the telling off seriously although usually he does take it seriously when I do it because I do not put up with his tantrums.

When it comes to something like this, you can't just take a laid back "hopefully words will work" approach. It is a pretty serious thing.

The fact that you feel the need to label a child stupid to get your point across is actually quite sad.

 

[Rakhel]

The fact that you feel the need to label a child stupid to get your point across is actually quite sad.

And says a lot

 

[NocLue]

Any why not spank them, or slap their fingers? It also sends a distinct message, and if done appropriately (as in not out of anger, and then talking with them afterwards), leaves no actual damage.

Sending someone to their room can be just as damaging to a child, especially if it is for an extended period of time. Or if they are constantly having things taken away from them, it can also be quite damaging. The psychological effects can be quite negative.

You don't send them anywhere. You make a freaking room somewhere where you can see him and he can see you. And you tell him to sit there for 2 minutes to calm down and behave properly. It will take time. Why not make the effort?

 

[dgirl1986]

You don't send them anywhere. You make a freaking room somewhere where you can see him and he can see you. And you tell him to sit there for 2 minutes to calm down and behave properly. It will take time. Why not make the effort?

I am just wondering how much studying/reading/personal research you have done on child psychology, child development and parenting?