Why is it Important to Love Who You Sleep With?

[Sunstone]

You should see the movie, "Lars and the Real Girl."

The "Real Girl" turns out to be the anatomically correct love doll, right? I mean, this is a movie with a happy ending, right?

 

[The Middle]

The "Real Girl" turns out to be the anatomically correct love doll, right? I mean, this is a movie with a happy ending, right?

I'm not going to spoil the ending for you, because it was a great indie film.

 

[The Middle]

Weren't ALL marriages like that before the government tried to secularize marriage?

And holy moley, I just noticed the big conversation between The Middle and Smoke that took place while I was typing XD. Hai Middle, welcome to RF.

Hi Amazing!

 

[Alceste]

What I meant by "casual sex" was with someone you hardly know and/or don't love as opposed to someone you're married to or in a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship with.

Yes, I used to have that kind of casual sex too, before I met the love of my life and started having casual sex with him instead. All that casual sex I had before I met my man did not interfere with my capacity for love. It enhanced it, in fact.

If you've got a lot of irrational religious expectations and assumptions relating to the meaning and purpose of sex to begin with I can see how casual sex is likely to make you bitter, but I was never afflicted with religious views about the meaning and purpose of sex. So, I have been lucky enough to be able to express my love and sexual attraction to people quite freely and without regret, even when marriage was not in the cards, because I had no expectations.

 

[blackout]

Let me put it this way, if your choices for fun things to do with a person you are attracted to are: read a book, watch TV, go for a walk, talk about philosophy, listen to jazz records, or have sex, sex is definitely the most fun out of all those choices.

Ahhhhh.... but having sex WHILE listening to jazz records..... :flirt:

 

[Alceste]

Ahhhhh.... but having sex WHILE listening to jazz records..... :flirt:

Ah yes! Door number three! Excellent choice.

 

[Vasilisa Jade]

This disconnection of sex and romance astounds me (not in an incredibly bad way). How do you do this without feeling incredibly awkward and weird? I feel all wrong inside whenever I try to imagine having casual sex.

Like Alceste said, it is all about a combo of expectations and compliments, and believe me, it is easier for a girl to pull that off than a guy. I don't know why, but when a girl tell a guy, "I don't want anything serious or any strings, I just wanna rip your clothes off." They jump for joy and everything is perfect. A guy has to be much more sensitive.

Did this affect your relationship with your friend at all? Did anything bad/good happen as a result?

No.

These kinds of relationships are not for teens though. You need to start out in a boyfriend/girlfriend scenario. Just remember, your first relationship where you lose your virginity is statistically doomed, don't fight that if it dies. It sucks but you have to pick up your panties and move on. Casual sex comes with older partners/when you get older and are more emotionally experienced and have been in a few relationships already.

Can I ask you something? Meh, I'ma ask anyway: If you weren't plannning on it, and it happened unexpectedly during a wrestling match, how did you get the condoms and doube pregnancy protection in? Did you really have that stuff prepared before the wrestling match?

They were in a nearby drawer. There are sexy ways to put on condoms too. For instance, he showed me where they were. I got one. I pushed him in the chest and sent him flying onto the couch. Held him down with my foot, and I put it on him. Then I got picked up and slammed. An IUD is a birth control device inserted by a doctor that stays there. They are good for 5-10 years depending on which one you choose. So yeah, that was already there.

I too question everything, but I still don't get where this comes from. How did you figure out that sex was for fun and not a symbol of love, romance, and affection? This whole "sex for fun" thing is an extremely novel idea, you should market it... I think most Americans would like it... currently, the American view of sex consists of social objectives and confusion (in other words, people have sex for reasons relating to social standing), and it much needs to be improved.It is?

I realized sex was great as a "for fun" thing, when I realized relationships aren't all they are cracked up to be. Get your heart trampled on a few times and you will start to want to just have fun, avoid drama, but still have sex.

I wrote in a previous post how the subject comes about in dialoge.

Then why are most people insulted when I consider them attractive?

You have to do it right. Every girl is different. Many girls are outright bizzare. Never feel crappy cause your attempt didn't work. Watch other guys behaviors. Be confident, don't tweak out or be angsty, or overanalyze. It comes with time.

Most of the books I've read suggest that sex is painful (and no, they were not Christian/fundie-oriented books) =/.

It's never painful for the guy. It's painful a little for the girl only the first and second and maybe third time. After that it's all about the foreplay. Read some books on that. That is the most important thing for a guy to be good at imo.

If he's able to think clearly enough to get a condom out, wouldn't he be able to think clearly enough to realize that he's about to have sex with someone he wasn't planning on having sex with?

Um, he might have had that one planned out. I dunno. He was more about it than I was. I thought about it for a sec and then I went with it. lol. He didn't think twice.

People can't think clearly while they're being intimate. I mean really, I get all dazed and start feeling real fuzzy and good inside just hugging a girl, I can't imagine how I'd be able to think straight in a real sexual enounter.Well, the books I've read talk about stuff like blood rushing to the pelvis, muscles tightening (particularly around the pelvis), feeling hot and sweaty, heart pounding... doesn't exactly sound fun.

You overcome that with practice. Your first time you are going to be nervous as hell and your gonna be goofy and your gonna orgasm in like a minute. To help with that a little... masterbate a lot and read a lot. LOL. Also, a super secret guy secret so I'm told... if you know your gonna get nooky and you want to make sure you last as long as possible, masterbate before hand. Otherwise, expect it and be prepared to play it off.

I am such a horrible person. I really feel like the devils advocate right now. lol. This is stuff teens need to be aware of though. All the stuff they never tell you in sex ed...

 

[The Middle]

Yes, I used to have that kind of casual sex too, before I met the love of my life and started having casual sex with him instead. All that casual sex I had before I met my man did not interfere with my capacity for love. It enhanced it, in fact.

If you've got a lot of irrational religious expectations and assumptions relating to the meaning and purpose of sex to begin with I can see how casual sex is likely to make you bitter, but I was never afflicted with religious views about the meaning and purpose of sex. So, I have been lucky enough to be able to express my love and sexual attraction to people quite freely and without regret, even when marriage was not in the cards, because I had no expectations.

All that I've stated is that it is better to have sex with someone you love. How is that "religious?" Also, I didn't even mention marriage.

 

[Alceste]

All that I've stated is that it is better to have sex with someone you love. How is that "religious?" Also, I didn't even mention marriage.

Oops, I guess somebody else did and I got you mixed up with them. I've had some great sex with people I didn't love, but I agree that it's more satisfying with the love. Still, I'd rather have sex with someone I didn't love but was attracted to than no sex at all.

 

[The Middle]

Oops, I guess somebody else did and I got you mixed up with them. I've had some great sex with people I didn't love, but I agree that it's more satisfying with the love. Still, I'd rather have sex with someone I didn't love but was attracted to than no sex at all.

LOL. Well I guess we're on the same page with respect to the "Hierarchy of Sex!"

 

[Alceste]

LOL. Well I guess we're on the same page with respect to the "Hierarchy of Sex!"

Ha - yeah, in my experience most people are on our page.

 

[Magic Man]

I'm not going to spoil the ending for you, because it was a great indie film.

It was a fantastic film. It's one of my favorites.

 

[Magic Man]

Wait till you've been married two years.

Hey, I just made it about 2 weeks ago! ...and you're right.

 

[Magic Man]

But why? You didn't want children, you didn't want commitment, what did you want? Just fun? Is sex really that good?

Now, I think we've hit on the problem. Yes, sex is incredibly fun. It's one of the most fun things there is to do. That's why so many people do it so much. It's like eating your favorite dessert, except 1,000 times better.

Yes, snap out of wanting to have sex. If I'm understanding her post correctly, the sexual encounter was completely spontaneous and accidental. They didn't want to have sex, but their hormones made them and afterwards they didn't regret it, or at least, that's what I figured from the way it was stated.

Going back to the first part here, of course they wanted to have sex. Sex is ridiculously fun.

 

[DallasApple]

But what I'm trying to ask is, wouldn't he snap out of it while he was putting on the condom? If he's able to think clearly enough to get a condom out, wouldn't he be able to think clearly enough to realize that he's about to have sex with someone he wasn't planning on having sex with?

But see by that point he was planning on having sex.And not only would he not "snap out of it"..the anticipation of imennent sex would heightend his arousal and sense of urgency.Possibly even to a "feverish" degree.He knows she is waiting for him he wants to hurry up and just get the thing on.

And Im with the others..I wouldnt call that an "accident".I have used Smokes words a lot.If someone says I didnt mean to it "just happened"..I laugh my head off."O.K so I was walking down the street and I tripped and fell on top of this girl and out of nowhere my penis was in her vagina.

Love

Dallas

 

[Autodidact]

It is the very GOAL OF LIFE to become a more loving person, and that means becoming more loving than you are naturally. Now naturally, people tend to love or more easily love someone they have sex with, but when you keep having casual sex and/or viewing women as pieces of meat rather than as persons, then you become less loving than you were naturally. You may become callous, in which case it may be more difficult for you to have a loving and committed relationship which includes sex but is so much more than that.

I don't agree with this. I have had casual sex and never viewed any partner or myself as a piece of meat as a result. I am no longer interested in casual sex, because I have true loving sex now, which for me is far better, and having casual sex with someone else would only detract from that.

I do agree that a goal of life for me is to become more loving, and one of the ways I want to do that is sexually, so sex with love is conducive to that goal.

 

[Autodidact]

But why? You didn't want children, you didn't want commitment, what did you want? Just fun? Is sex really that good?

It can be.

 

[Autodidact]

Oops, I guess somebody else did and I got you mixed up with them. I've had some great sex with people I didn't love, but I agree that it's more satisfying with the love.

That's what I thought. (caught you.)

 

[T-Dawg]

Just remember, your first relationship where you lose your virginity is statistically doomed, don't fight that if it dies. It sucks but you have to pick up your panties and move on.

But I live in MISSOURI... my first relationship where I lose my virginity is going to be MARRIAGE (even if I decided that casual sex was ok, none of the girls around me would agree XD)... and I can't just get a divorce and walk away from that... besides, why does losing virginity doom the relationship? Usually it strengthens it. Are you sure the relational failures aren't just due to age and inexperience?

You overcome that with practice. Your first time you are going to be nervous as hell and your gonna be goofy and your gonna orgasm in like a minute. To help with that a little... masterbate a lot and read a lot. LOL. Also, a super secret guy secret so I'm told... if you know your gonna get nooky and you want to make sure you last as long as possible, masterbate before hand. Otherwise, expect it and be prepared to play it off.

You say to masturbate a lot... HOW?
Masturbation never works for me. I keep trying it and feel the urge to try it, but it doesn't cause orgasm, it doesn't make me ejaculate, and sometimes it feels good, but usually that's overshadowed by the pain I get several minutes into the masturbation and a few minutes afterward.

Now, I think we've hit on the problem. Yes, sex is incredibly fun. It's one of the most fun things there is to do. That's why so many people do it so much. It's like eating your favorite dessert, except 1,000 times better.

How do you know? And if it's so fun and healthy, why do we bother doing anything else?

 

[Vile Atheist]

Plus, it's physically impossible for guys to do it more than, say, 8 or 10 times in a day.

I'm willing to attempt to prove that wrong....in the name of science, of course.