I used to believe that I 'needed' God in my life and worshiped him in the form that I found most appealing.
I was happy and satisfied for quite a while, but recently started to question why.
Why did all those people who were not religious all seem to have a much easier time of it than I did? Why was it that even though I knew I was not this body or this mind, that my Deity just wouldn't let up with all the bad karma and misfortune?
Why weren't my prayers being answered? What the heck did I do wrong? Why were people around me dying? why was I kicked out of my house and job and left as a destitute, homeless beggar...why?
It seemed like the closer I became to God, the more my life became incapable of being lived. I wasn't attached to material possessions at all anyway, but one would think that if there were a God, He would at least give me a bloody break once in a while, no?
So, I decided to say that in my 'everything is an illusion' belief, then so was 'God' - I don't need 'God' anymore, so I am just waiting to see if He needs me.
I guess it's wrong to say I am an Atheist, I believe in 'something' but if one worships a chair for long enough and with full focus and concentration, they will become enlightened - so the chair becomes 'God' to them.
God is just a word to describe 'anything beyond the capability of the human mind to understand'. With recent scientific breakthroughs, superstition is dying out.
Eventually though, the concept of Brahman is beyond the human notion of 'God' and if one meditates and does Yoga, they can realise God without necessarily having to 'believe' and this is now the path I walk.
