Wrong to Cheat on Partner?

[Kilgore Trout]

If you cheat on your spouse or partner, they never find out, and you don't contract any diseases, etc, is it wrong? Why?

Is there any case that it isn't wrong? Is there any case that it can be beneficial?

 

[Madhuri]

What is wrong with this sort of thing is not in the outcome but in the act itself (cheating, not sex) and the intentions/reasons behind it.

 

[Kilgore Trout]

What is wrong with this sort of thing is not in the outcome but in the act itself (cheating, not sex) and the intentions/reasons behind it.

So you can cheat without having sex? What situation would make this acceptable?

 

[linwood]

If you cheat on your spouse or partner, they never find out, and you don't contract any diseases, etc, is it wrong? Why?

It`s wrong because it`s a violation of another.

The fact that the incident caused no harm is known only through hindsight.
There`s no way to tell what harm it would do while engaging in the act.

You would be committing the act knowing it could cause great harm.
That makes it wrong.

 

[Kilgore Trout]

It`s wrong because it`s a violation of another.

The fact that the incident caused no harm is known only through hindsight.
There`s no way to tell what harm it would do while engaging in the act.

You would be committing the act knowing it could cause great harm.
That makes it wrong.

Hypothetically, what if you knew that no great harm would come of it?

 

[Madhuri]

So you can cheat without having sex? What situation would make this acceptable?

What I meant by that is the act of sex is not 'wrong'. For instance, if your partner allowed you to have multiple sex partners then it may not be wrong, but the cheating element is what makes it morally wrong.

 

[Kilgore Trout]

What I meant by that is the act of sex is not 'wrong'. For instance, if your partner allowed you to have multiple sex partners then it may not be wrong, but the cheating element is what makes it morally wrong.

Got it - thank you.

 

[HonestJoe]

If you cheat on your spouse or partner, they never find out, and you don't contract any diseases, etc, is it wrong? Why?

Yes, it's still wrong. You've no way of knowing that there will that the negative consequences won't come to be and you've made a promise to your partner (implicit or explicit) that you are committed to them.

Maybe you should try thinking about it subtly differently; If your partner or spouse cheated on you but you never found out, would it be wrong?

 

[Just_me_Mike]

If an individuals ethics allow for secrets of this nature, than there is no wrong. I have met zero people in my life that honestly have these ethics. Though I have met many that do this, but deep inside they would feel it is wrong on some level.

 

[YmirGF]

I don't think there is a cut and dried answer to this. To my view, it is situational. Due to many people's preference for shying away from confrontation, it may be justified as the lesser of two evils. What I am meaning is that if a relationship is already on the ropes, it should simply be expected. The bonds of trust would normally be rather frayed by that stage, so there isn't all that much trust and respect to break, but becomes evidence that the original relationship is over and it is time to deal with that reality.

 

[Badran]

What is wrong with this sort of thing is not in the outcome but in the act itself (cheating, not sex) and the intentions/reasons behind it.

I tend to agree, but in the same time fail to give any coherent explanation for why cheating in itself is wrong, if one was positive from the start that there will be no harm done.

I likened it in my mind to someone trusting me with their money, and then i spent some of that money (which wasn't agreed upon nor expected) but was sure 100% that i will be able to put that money back before he asks for it. I realize it could very well be impossible for us to ever know that we will be able to do something in the future especially when its something big and related to many issues, but assuming that we could, why would it be wrong in that case?

 

[Alex_G]

Cheating is wrong in the way it demonstrates a lack of respect for the other person as a thinking, feeling, conscious being, and someone that you care about.

What it really means to cheat is to break a shared emotional understanding that you have with another person, undermining them as people.
The consequences for the other person, emotionally will compound the immorality, especially being their partner and best friend, you of all people should know better.

Its one of these topics that is very dependent on the individuals and the context. Factors such as mutual understanding of having multiple partners will obviously nullify the moral implications, and sometimes a break down of communication can lead to one person acting in a way that he/she thought was ok, but in fact hurt the other quite significantly.

I do think that most of what constitutes immoral behaviour stems from acting in a way that presumes things about another person, things you could not know. That undermining and lack of respect for them is a form of objectification or belittling, with the person unjustly assuming some inherent superiority to the other.

Alex

 

[angellous_evangellous]

Hypothetically, what if you knew that no great harm would come of it?

I don't see how you could know that. It may seem like it's a certainty that you won't get caught, contract a disease, or a pregnancy, but we all know that there are no certainties with this kind of thing. People will know. The other person may not know that they have a disease. Unexpected and unplanned pregancies happen all the time.

Cheating is a lie and a violation of trust, among other things, and is inherently wrong.

 

[Badran]

I don't see how you could know that. It may seem like it's a certainty that you won't get caught, contract a disease, or a pregnancy, but we all know that there are no certainties with this kind of thing. People will know. The other person may not know that they have a disease. Unexpected and unplanned pregancies happen all the time.

Cheating is a lie and a violation of trust, among other things, and is inherently wrong.

Can you explain why is lying on its own always wrong? As when we talk about lies, i think there would be situations were you can be certain nobody will be hurt. Not that i disagree with what you said, but i'm actually struggling to address the possibility if there is certainty there would be no one hurt, why would it still be wrong.

 

[tomato1236]

You mean you don't know?

 

[Badran]

You mean you don't know?

Me or the OP?

 

[Rakhel]

It all depends on how well you sleep at night.

 

[tomato1236]

Me or the OP?

It was directed at the OP, but really, I would feel sad for anyone who talked themselves into believing there's nothing wrong with committing your entire life to someone who loved you enough to commit their whole life to you, and then betraying them.

If the betrayal isn't enough to make it wrong, there's the deceit. Every time you kiss your wife hello or she snuggles up to you because she feels safe and at home with you, it's false. She's not safe with you, or at least not emotionally.

If that's not enough to make it wrong, there's the cheapness. You'd be trading something lasting, meaningful and important that has taken years of work and attention to build for 1 night (or more likely, 45 minutes) of making "love" to someone you have no lasting connection with.

If that's not wrong enough for you, then I feel sorry for your wife.

 

[Badran]

It was directed at the OP, but really, I would feel sad for anyone who talked themselves into believing there's nothing wrong with committing your entire life to someone who loved you enough to commit their whole life to you, and then betraying them.

If the betrayal isn't enough to make it wrong, there's the deceit. Every time you kiss your wife hello or she snuggles up to you because she feels safe and at home with you, it's false. She's not safe with you, or at least not emotionally.

If that's not enough to make it wrong, there's the cheapness. You'd be trading something lasting, meaningful and important that has taken years of work and attention to build for 1 night (or more likely, 45 minutes) of making "love" to someone you have no lasting connection with.

If that's not wrong enough for you, then I feel sorry for your wife.

You misunderstood me, i never said it was okay, quite the contrary i think its wrong. Yet however i can't explain why it would be wrong in the situation that there is no damage done.

If you add that last part to your perspective, i think you might see my point and see how your reasons don't apply in that case, or need further explanation.

 

[tomato1236]

You misunderstood me, i never said it was okay, quite the contrary i think its wrong. Yet however i can't explain why it would be wrong in the situation that there is no damage done.

If you add that last part to your perspective, i think you might see my point and see how your reasons don't apply in that case, or need further explanation.

That's like asking if it would be a good idea to shoot yourself in the face if there is no damage done.

Besides. Even if my wife never knew about it, I would, and I, having a conscience, would suffer, and ultimately lose some respect for myself, which would cause damage in my motivation and interactions for life.