Ok, let me say a few things about this post, Leah, if I may.
I'm 27. I drink. I smoke. I don't do drugs anymore, though I used to. I do not gossip, nor do I hang around anyone who does. I got top grades and finished highschool and college at the top of my class. I have a desire to learn and always have. I care about my future.
I had a child when in highschool. I had him because at that time, I didn't believe in abortion for MYSELF. I'd had friends who had them and I never treated them differently because I respected their decisions, but I, myself, couldn't have done it. I've raised him alone since the moment he was born. I also continued to go to highschool and then put myself through college, while working full time just so my son would have someone to look up to. I've screwed up in my life and I am not perfect, but because of my drive and perserverence, I've been the best mother my son could hope for, while at the same time working and going to school so he could also have someone as a role model in his life.
While I was in college, I got pregnant again, through stupid and careless mistakes. I assessed my situation and the situation of the child I already had.
I could not afford to continue school and work and take care of another child with the salary I had. As it was, my time was limited with my son. If I had another to take care of, it would be even less so. Both children would end up with less, financially than my one son already have and both would end up with less of a mother. I made the decision to have an abortion. It was a hard decision, but one I felt I needed to make on the behalf of my child that was already here.
Today, my son is 10. I'm still taking care of him alone. I'm STILL going to school to make a better person out of myself and give him a better person to look up to. I work three jobs just to give him everything I think he should have.
I think I am a good person. I am confident in myself and who I am. My beautiful boy was born 9 weeks earlier at less than 4 lbs because my body was not ready to carry a child at that point. I'm am 27 now. My son is 10 and is just as smart, happy and energetic as any other child, though the doctors told me it could have gone either way, given his premature-ness. My life and that of my boy is what it should be and only got that way because of the hard decisions I've made over the last ten years.
You don't want anyone judging you, so now please tell me, now that you know my life story and that of my child's, Am I a horrible person? Am I a murderer? Am I someone who should be condemned and ridiculed and ostricized?