Think about an erotic encounter with someone you love. Think about the sun on a crisp March morning. Think about the taste of a gigantic sandwich with ham, cheese, mustard, and pickles. These are reasons to live: real, tangible reasons that I know exist because I've experienced them. I've got more reason to live now than I did back when I believed that every day was another chance to fall out-of-grace with god and burn forever.
I don't know the full story behind your excperience,but the theology you describe is not the Christian faith Jesus brings to the table.
Maybe it was a traditional,legalistic religion you followed that says you can't dance,go to the movies,wear skirts, eat pork, blah ! blah !
I don't blame you, I'd probably be atheist if that was my experience in a church.