I don't want to get anyone's hopes up, but these past couple of years, I've slightly changed and improved on some of my ideas, I feel. And tried to become more a critical thinker. These past couple of days, I've been playing a lot of this video game which I find a little relaxing, and while I've played, I've been thinking hard about life. And it made me realize that I want to try life without magic thinking - no gods, no magic, no spirit world, and probably no aliens since I feel there either isn't evidence for them, or the evidence doesn't hold up.
I realize I have embraced religious thinking a lot these past two or three weeks, so it may come as a surprise that today, I was trying to try thinking without any of the 'magical thinking' (and so far, it has been going well for me), but I think my greater push towards religion and magical thinking was just that - it was a push-back to a more logical form of thinking getting under my skin, and it was my response to being afraid of something a bit "new". But now, I've gotten over that fear.
So I realize if I do eventually identify with atheism, if this way of thinking does work out for me..... that I feel it's not going to be easy, because it involves scrutinizing evidence, fact-finding, and really putting in the work and effort (in my opinion), so to speak. But I feel I'm getting closer and closer to being ready for such a thing, should I pursue it.