Italian fascism was socialism in disguise.
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Childless millennials / Gen Z
- Thread starter Estro Felino
- Start date
an anarchist
Your local loco.
Is it okay to have a kid if you are ill prepared to take care of one? I for one have resolved to never have a kid because I can’t imagine I’ll ever be fit to be a parent. Though selfishly, I’d like a kid for the sense of fulfillment I see often talked about.This is a thread to talk about childlessness...in our generations.
The boomers are invited too... to express their view on us.
Like this:
View attachment 98184
PS. OK, Boomers
Why do you think you're ill prepared to take care of a child? What do you think you'll mess up on?
an anarchist
Your local loco.
Well, I was raised horribly and my doc says that had long lasting effects. Not trying to do that. I can’t take care of myself physically even and barely mentally. How can I provide a kid with what they need when I can’t provide myself the basics and personally need support? One of the reasons my (then) wife got rid of our pregnancy was because she recognized this when I didn't, but I understand it now.
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Well, lots of people need support. That's common. But are you able to basically function? Like practice hygiene, shower, dress yourself, prepare food and eat? I mean, if you're not able to do those things, you are really disabled. But even then it's not hopeless, if you are able to get the help you need such as a PCA at home, at least for a time. Whatever the problem is, the key is to work towards a place of stability. There are people who can help you learn life skills so you can take care of yourself. A lot of people don't learn these things because of bad circumstances they were dealt young in life. Don't fret. So just because you are really struggling right now and may not be fit for parenthood at the moment, that doesn't mean that will always be so.
You seem to yearn to be a parent. So that is a goal for you to make steady progress towards. It's a day by day thing. You are still young and you're also a male so there's not as much of a rush to have a baby for you. Even in just a year, your life could be totally different, though. I know mental illness makes you feel like you have no control over your life, but that's one of its tricks. You do control yourself and can tame your mind. Practice mindfulness if you don't already, and then practice some more. The point is to reach a point of stability, not only with your health, job and relationships but within yourself.
Anyway, my advice is to stop worrying so much if you're fit for parenthood and do what you can to become the person you want to be. It's best not to focus on negative self-images.
an anarchist
Your local loco.
Yessir I am.
I understand. Well, you recognize it. What are steps you can take to improve your situation? You don't have to tell us, it's just for you to think about. Maybe write (or type) some ideas for yourself. Just whatever you can think of to make things better. Maybe think about services in your area that can help, or benefits you may qualify for. I hope you have someone like a caseworker because you really need one, it sounds like.
an anarchist
Your local loco.
Yee I got a whole medical team that have me under a magnifying glass. I don’t want to worry people, I just conversate and I’m real real when I talk
That's good, but are do you feel you're getting the help you need?
an anarchist
Your local loco.
Yea it just a process. Takes time to stabilize in treatment and I gotta be a good patient and stick around for the treatment to work. Fingers crossed I stick around this time
Well, I'm rooting for you. Keep up the good work.Yea it just a process. Takes time to stabilize in treatment and I gotta be a good patient and stick around for the treatment to work. Fingers crossed I stick around this time
amorphous_constellation
Well-Known Member
Yeah I mean, I think it can be done, but I'd have a range of concerns about how the kid would develop in such a situation. What kind of peers would he have, and how would he feel once he became self-aware of the situation. This a culture of comparison, as far as I can tell. Other factors can be co-present in situations where finances are at a minimum, like neglect and abuse. And I'm not saying you would do that, or it has to be that way. It seems like the person raising a kid on welfare would have to be really aware of what can go wrong, and so they'd need a lot of self-belief in themselves, as well as being able to instill a lot of that into the kid
I was raised by my dad, who had to get partial disability from a work accident, (he insisted on not going full, I think) and he drank away the pain most of this life, and hurled constant abuse at his surrounding family. Conversely, one can imagine parents who are very poor, but somehow teach their kid to be studious and upstanding, avoiding having them develop anti-social behavior.
Of course I guess they say you never know how someone will turn out though... There is a wild-card element in the whole thing, and maybe that's another reason why it is, that I have an aversion to having offspring. It's that it almost seems like they could turn out any old way, from good to bad, and there's nothing you could do about it. Whether one is a rich or poor parent. But I don't really know if that it is totally true. Well I just don't know
My dad, and his dad, both had anger issues I think. And my siblings. But my grandpa was like a super tough marine type guy, going to ww2, and he was a drill instructor. He wanted to fight in vietnam, but I guess grandma wouldn't have it. He died I was like 11.. I think I remember like two times when he snapped on me when I was a kid. I don't think he had all that much patience for me
But I don't have these anger problems myself really, because I don't see the logic in that. I mean I've worked with guys who got so angry they were red in the face, yelling and chucking hammers at the ground and stuff, but I could never do that. It just doesn't seem logical, but I get the feeling that maybe this is something I can't teach. Or maybe I don't know why exactly, other people act in certain ways, to be able to teach my kid not to act in those ways
amorphous_constellation
Well-Known Member
What you wrote is a little counter-intuitive to me, as I thought that the sort of party lifestyle was sometimes more likely to lead to a lack of impulse control. So I'm not entirely sure where you're coming from with that
I don't read that post as describing a "party lifestyle".
Going to parties is just one element of freedom.
Kids, especially babies demand a lot of attention,
& it can be very stressful for years.
TagliatelliMonster
Veteran Member
Are you serious?
Not planning on having a kid is not the same as not wanting a kid.
If you don't understand this, I don't know what else to tell you.
TagliatelliMonster
Veteran Member
Absolutely not. Average middle class at best.
Most people I know have kids. None of them are rich.
Maybe this tells us something about your social circle, about the types of people you surround yourself with.
TagliatelliMonster
Veteran Member
Not really. I don't think there's much difference in why religious vs non-religious people have kids.
TagliatelliMonster
Veteran Member
It's an extreme cliché..... but more often then not, you'll be ready to be a parent the second you hold your kid in your arms.
I was the same 10 years ago. Couldn't imagine being a responsible parent. This all changes once you have a kid.
It's like it does something to your biology and psychology.
Most couples that doesn't have kids will say things like "we aren't ready for kids yet" and the mega cliché answer to that is "you'll never feel ready".
But you will be once the day comes. Almost auto-magically.
Can't really explain it. Once you hold that baby, it's like you are overwhelmed with love and a sense of responsibility. As good as overnight, I lost interest to go out partying and acting like a buffoon. It's not like I made the decision to start living that way and start acting like a parent. I transitioned automatically.
Having kids has a very weird effect on you.
At least, that's how it was for me...And most people I know.
It's one of those typical things where you don't know what you are missing, so you don't miss it.
I don't think you need kids to be/feel happy or fulfilled at all.
But imo it is true that once you have them, pretty fast you won't be able to imagine life without them.
I certainly was happy before I had kids.
I can't say that I'm happier today then before. It's a different kind of happy.
EDIT: reading the posts that followed.... Off course, I don't know your particular situation. Obviously if there are medical / psychological things going on that stand in the way, that's another story. I was speaking in general. Don't take my post the wrong way. Every individual has his own story and situation and there is no single "way of life" that works for everyone.
TagliatelliMonster
Veteran Member
Not sure what is tripping you up....
Having kids comes with responsibility. It means you are no longer free to go party all night, get drunk and sleep in till noon the next day. At 7 in the morning, the kid is awake and wants food. At 8-9 at night, the kid goes to bed. "Party time" is over for the parent at that point.
Your entire week schedule becomes half determined by the kids.
There's no more "let's go have a drink" after work, because you need to pick up the kid from school.
There's no more "let's get a bite to eat with friends after work", because the kid needs to be dropped off at soccer practice.
There's no more "I need a break, let's book a hotel and go skiing", because it's a school week and the kid needs to go to school.
...
The people I talk about have a lifestyle that they know they will need to give up completely once kids are part of the picture.
Belgium....Flanders. I have got it.
In Flanders?
All are rich according to my standards.
Thanks to the eurocracy that was created in Brussels ....not so many Italians are rich enough to afford a kid.
Maybe back when there was the Lira the kids were affordable.
Thank you BRUSSELS.
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