Maybe you really need to have a good, healthy yell given what you have dealt with and Krishna knows it.I'll give it a listen when I can be undisturbed.
The last time I had a dark night, Krishna came. After I hollered at him, of course. Because the powers that be think its funny to get me yelling... I think. I don't yell very much. (Unless its for show, but its not genuine.)
I first spelled that dark knight, and then realized that was incorrect, and deleted it. Hm.
NB: During my psychology days I attended a group "primal-type" session where the instructors created an atmosphere that caused many of us to yell and weep uncontrollably. It was the first time in my life that I was really open to totally surrendering to crying. It was very therapeutic and the ability to cry has remained with me ever since.