Straight from birth I was commanded to follow His divine laws and plans. It was never a question of if I shall, because before the Alter of the Lord it was declared that I shalt not. Where I have questions, "the ways of the lord" (and all other similar responses, included "his ways are not our ways") did not answer any of them. Although I was taught we cannot understand His ways, that did not prevent my mind from being filled with unanswerable questions. I was taught, for many years, the way I am is detestable to the Lord, and not just as a sinner like any other person. I was told to do certain things, although there was/is no basis for doing so? (such as, how does one honor a father who just up-and-left one night? How do you honor a mother who emotionally abused you?)
I can easily admit many "problems" I had were specifically through the church, such as a very warped and biased view of history, and that you have to be a certain way to be saved (no Catholics, Methodists, Mormons, or anyone else allowed). But, ultimately, I could not reconcile with a God who could not give me even a shimmer of hope for a better tomorrow, but a God who also used the terms "loving, merciful, and benevolent" to describe himself while at the same time condoning slavery, genocide, infanticide, misogyny, and many other things in Bible. By the time I reached such a staggering height of my faith, I took the initiative the read the Bible for myself (no Pastor or anyone else to guide it), and at that point in time I had never felt so betrayed.
A few years later, during my darkest of dark days, and loneliest of lonely days, that is when Lucifer appeared, and he showed me a better way. He melted the chains that kept me bound, and he showed me the strength is in myself to cast away the shackles and walk away from a life of ruin and despair and towards a life of redemption, hope, and a continual improvement that Jehovah never did provide for me. Lucifer did not provide for it either, but he did show me that it is fully within myself to walk that path, embrace self-improvement, and to reach deep down within and make myself better.