Inexorable Consequences

[Revoltingest]

If you attract all the ladies, you will become a womanizer.
If you become a womanizer, you will start wearing cheap cologne.
If you start wearing cheap cologne, you will have an allergic reaction.

 

[BSM1]

If you have an allergic reaction, your face will be grotesquely swollen.
If your face becomes grotesquely swollen, you'll scare children and small dogs.

 

[Revoltingest]

If you scare children & small dogs, you will start wearing a veil when you go out.
If you wear a veil when you go out, people will think it's a burqa.
If people think it's a burqa, they will think you are a woman.
If people think you're a woman, a guy named Cletus Van Damme will ask you out.
If a guy named Cletus Van Damme asks you out, you will become flustered.
If you become flustered, you will accept, & go out on a date with him.
If you go out on a date with him, you will have a great time.

 

[BSM1]

If you have a great time with him, you'll look back on the date with longing.
If you look back on the date with longing, you'll want to date other Van Dammes.
If you want to date other Van Dammes, you'll come on to Jean Claude Van Damme.
If you come on to Jean Claude Van Damme, you'll get your butt kicked.

 

[Revoltingest]

If Jean Claude Van Damme kicks your butt, you will inform him that he is a terrible actor.
If you inform him that he is a terrible actor, he will have an epiphany & agree.
If he has an epiphany & agrees, he will apologize for his movies.
If he apologizes for his movies, his fans will wail & moan in agony.
If his fans wail & moan in agony, you will feel guilty.
If you feel guilty, you will seek solace in the arms of Venus Van Damme.

 

[BSM1]

If you seek solace in the arms of Venus Van Damme (good God), you'll mistakenly turn to Venus de Milo.
If you turn to Venus de Milo, you'll have to bring your own arms.

 

[Revoltingest]

If you have to bring your own arms for Venus, you will have to go to an arms store.
If you go to an arms store, you will find no human arms, but become enthralled with guns.

 

[Heathen Hammer]

[if you post too slowly, you may be forced to edit]

 

[Revoltingest]

If you become enthralled with guns & are also forced to edit, you will become cautious.

 

[BSM1]

If you become enthralled with guns & are also forced to edit & become cautious, you'll walk around heavily armed.
If you walk around heavily armed, you'll post "Go Ahead, Trespass" sign on your property.

 

[Revoltingest]

If you post "G Ahead, Trespass" sign on your property, you will have no visitors except for Jehovah's Witnesses.

 

[4consideration]

If you have no visitors except for Jehovah's Witnesses, you will discover that they are nice people.
If you discover that they are nice people, you will wonder if perhaps there are even more nice people in the world.
If you wonder if perhaps there are even more nice people in the world, you will take down the "G Ahead, Trespass" sign and replace it with an, "Everyone Welcome. I expect help with the dishes." sign.

 

[Revoltingest]

If you replace it with an, "Everyone Welcome. I expect help with the dishes." sign, you will find that even Jehovah's Witnesses will stop visiting.
(No one wants to do the dishes!)

 

[4consideration]

If you find that even Jehovah's Witnesses stop visiting you, you will miss them.
If you miss them, you will go out into the world to seek out new connections with people.
If you go out into the world to seek out new connections with people, you will meet many different kinds of people.

 

[Revoltingest]

If you meet many different kinds of people, you will meet furverts.

 

[4consideration]

If you meet furverts, you will have to look them up online to see what they are.
If you look them up online to see what they are, you will realize that everyone already knew, but you.
If you realize that everyone already knew, but you, it will make you want to pretend like you really already knew what they were and probably didn't have to look them up online.

 

[Revoltingest]

If you pretend to already know what a furvert is, you will be mistaken for a culturally aware libertine.

 

[4consideration]

If you are mistaken for a culturally aware libertine, people will consult your opinion on various topics.

 

[Revoltingest]

If people consult your opinion on various topics, you will become a radio talk show host.

 

[4consideration]

If you become a radio talk show host, you will take calls from the public.
If you take calls from the public, you will have so many calls that you will have to keep people on hold.