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Looking for a few laughs?

Geoff-Allen

Geoff-Allen

Resident megalomaniac
Letters to God written by children
  • Dear God, Did you mean the giraffe to look like that or was it a mistake?
  • Dear God, Instead of letting people die and having to make new ones, why don't you just keep the ones you have now?
  • Dear God, Who drew the lines around the countries?
  • Dear God, I went to a wedding and they kissed right in the synagogue. Was that OK?
  • Dear God, Thanks for my baby brother, but what I prayed for was a puppy.
  • Dear God, It rained during our whole holiday and my father was so mad he said some things about you that he shouldn’t have. Please don’t hurt him.
  • Dear God, Please send me a pony. I never asked for anything before. You can look it up.
  • Dear God, If we come back as something, please don't let me be Jennifer Levy, because I hate her.
  • Dear God, I want to be just like my daddy when I get big, but not with so much hair all over.
  • Dear God, I think about you sometimes, even when I'm not praying.
  • Dear God, I bet it is very hard for you to love all the people in the world. There are only four people in our family and I can never do it.
  • Dear God, Of all the people who worked for you, I like Noah and David the best.
  • Dear God, My brothers told me about being born, but it doesn't sound right. They are just kidding, aren't they?
  • Dear God, I read Thomas Edison made light. But in Hebrew school, I learned that you did it. I bet he stole your idea.
  • Dear God, I don't think anybody could be a better God. Well, I just want you to know that I am not just saying this because you are God already.
  • Dear God, Maybe Cain and Abel would not kill each other so much if they had their own rooms. It works with my brother.
Enjoy!
 
Geoff-Allen

Geoff-Allen

Resident megalomaniac
The Washington Post's "Style Invitational" asked readers to take any
word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting or changing one
letter, and supply a new definition. Here are some recent winners:


Reintarnation: Coming back to life as a hillbilly.

Foreploy: Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of
obtaining sex.

Giraffiti: Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.

Tatyr: A lecherous Mr. Potato Head.

Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the
recipient who doesn't get it.

Inoculatte: To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.

Hipatitis: Terminal coolness.

Osteopornosis: A degenerate disease.

Burglesque: A poorly planned break-in. (See: Watergate)

Karmageddon: It's like, when everybody is sending off all these really
bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and
it's like a serious bummer.

Glibido: All talk and no action.

Dopeler effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they
come at you rapidly.

Intaxication: Euphoria at getting a refund from the IRS, which lasts
until you realize it was your money to start with
 
Geoff-Allen

Geoff-Allen

Resident megalomaniac
  1. If you're too open minded, your brains will fall out.
  2. If you look like your passport picture, you probably need the trip.
  3. A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.
  4. Experience is a wonderful thing. It enables you to recognise a mistake when you make it again.
  5. Blessed are they who can laugh at themselves for they shall never cease to be amused.
  6. If swimming is so good for your figure, how do you explain whales?
  7. Be wary of strong drink. It can make you shoot at tax collectors, and miss.
  8. If you lend someone $20, and never see that person again, it was probably worth it.
  9. When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
  10. Never put both feet in your mouth at the same time, because then you don't have a leg to stand on.
  11. On the keyboard of life, always keep one finger on the Escape key.
  12. For Sale: Parachute. Only used once, never opened, small stain.
  13. Everyone has a photographic memory. Some just don't have film.
  14. If you dig a hole for someone else, you'll fall into it. - Hungarian proverb
  15. If you think there is good in everybody, you haven't met everybody.
  16. Indecision is the key to flexibility.
  17. Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.
  18. One seventh of your life is spent on Monday.
  19. You never truly understand something until you can explain it to your grandmother.
  20. Children seldom misquote you. In fact, they usually repeat word for word what you shouldn't have said.
More funny stuff here -

http://www.guy-sports.com/virtual/funny_wisdom.htm

:)
 
Geoff-Allen

Geoff-Allen

Resident megalomaniac
“Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute, and it seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl for an hour, and it seems like a minute. That’s relativity.”

—Albert Einstein

“The only normal people are the ones that you don’t know very well.”

—Alfred Adler

“What soap is to the body, laughter is to the soul.”

—Yiddish Proverb

“If you talk to God, you are praying; if God talks to you, you have schizophrenia.”

—Thomas Szasz

More quotes here -

http://www.trans4mind.com/quotes/quotes-humor.html

Enjoy!
 
Geoff-Allen

Geoff-Allen

Resident megalomaniac
During a visit to the mental asylum, a visitor asked the Director what the criterion was which defined whether or not a patient should be institutionalized.

"Well," said the Director, "we fill up a bathtub, then we offer a teaspoon, a teacup and a bucket to the patient and ask him or her to empty the bathtub."

"Oh, I understand," said the visitor. "A normal person would use the bucket because it's bigger than the spoon or the teacup."

"No." said the Director, "A normal person would pull the plug. Do you want a bed near the window?"
 
Geoff-Allen

Geoff-Allen

Resident megalomaniac
"Millions long for immortality who don't know what to do on a rainy Sunday afternoon."

Susan Ertz

Makes an interesting google search :)
 
Geoff-Allen

Geoff-Allen

Resident megalomaniac
Rebecca was a kindergarten teacher. One day, during her art lesson, as she was walking around the class observing the children while they were drawing, she stopped at little Leah’s desk. Leah was working very diligently at her work.

Rebecca said, "What are you drawing, Leah?"

Leah replied, "I'm drawing God, teacher."

Rebecca paused and then said, "But no one knows what God looks like. Leah."

Without looking up from her work, Leah replied, "They will in a minute."

Came from this site -

http://www.awordinyoureye.com/index.html

Enjoy!
 
Geoff-Allen

Geoff-Allen

Resident megalomaniac
People who want to share their religious views with you, almost never want you to share yours with them.

~ Dave Barry

Makes an interesting google search :)
 
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