Its not a matter of prejudice. Its a matter of values. Slapping is not an option because violence has no place in a relationship.accuatly it's seems i am the leader of the barbarians here .
for me i no wonder why some people don't understand Islam ,because you prejuge most of time .
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Muslims: Keeping the wife "in line"
- Thread starter Draka
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Not sure I understand what you mean, but it sounds like you think the context of the kiss does not matters. So let me take an example.
I remember when I was at the Seychelles. I was meeting an old friend. She put her head out a little and then I remembered, in that culture I am supposed to kiss her cheeks as a greeting. So I kissed her. Was nothing more to it then that. What I am saying is that a kiss can be many thing and does not have to be anything more then a way to say "hello".
Looncall
Well-Known Member
accuatly it's seems i am the leader of the barbarians here .
for me i no wonder why some people don't understand Islam ,because you prejuge most of time .
No prejudging is needed. You have convicted yourself by your own words.
You describe it like saving up for a fancy car and then being upset that it doesn't run exactly the way you want it to.
You aren't describing a loving relationship, you're describing owning property.
Weddings aren't cheap in America either; but neither partner owns the other like you describe in your country and/or interpretation of your religion. I think it's horrible that anyone would treat their supposed lover like property. That's not love, that's not holy or beautiful. It's disgusting in my opinion.
"Your cage cost me a lot of money and I bought it just for you. You should be appreciative of it. And me."
Sheesh.
Permission is where I'm having my issue. My parents live a few hours from us, and I inform my husband that the kids and I are going there to visit for a few days. The closest I come to asking permission is confirming that we don't have plans so I can go.
The protection a Muslim husband is supposed to provide for his wife is one for her safety and comfort, not for control/submission. People are taking religious doctrine far too literally, and that's where all the controversy comes from. Back in the Prophet's time, travel was much more dangerous for both men and women...that's why the need for protection.
There is no room for complete control in any relationship. I still think your culture is overriding the religious angle on this matter.
Kilgore Trout
Misanthropic Humanist
Fear.
sister we seem that we had different view , let me to be short it in one question for let the people understand here :
is taken a permission from your husband for go out , is something facultatif or obligation ?
Draka
Wonder Woman
Godobeyer, you know, just because a woman may speak to, or laugh with, or smile at, or dance with another man other than her husband it does not mean she is unfaithful. You can't be "cuckold" if your wife is not being unfaithful to you. Friendship is possible between the sexes.
Here, check out at least the first couple minutes of this video.
[youtube]3bf0jLtcPV0[/youtube]
She is not being unfaithful. She is in a dancing competition. Her husband is even there encouraging her during one of her practices. To you, however, it appears you think the man is cuckold and he needs to beat his wife for it. I think many more people would be prouder of her husband as he is and count her to be a lucky woman and he a lucky man.
Here, check out at least the first couple minutes of this video.
[youtube]3bf0jLtcPV0[/youtube]
She is not being unfaithful. She is in a dancing competition. Her husband is even there encouraging her during one of her practices. To you, however, it appears you think the man is cuckold and he needs to beat his wife for it. I think many more people would be prouder of her husband as he is and count her to be a lucky woman and he a lucky man.
Nobody should need "permission" to do anything; particularly not the biased way you describe it (where only the woman must ask permission of the man).
Now, it's certainly polite to check with a spouse whether going to do something is okay (on BOTH sides) and to inform your spouse where you're going... for instance, if a married man wants to go hang out with his friends, it's polite to ask his wife if that's ok -- same thing if a married woman is going to go do something with her friends, too.
It's not a matter of "permission" though -- it's just polite. For instance say a husband is working late and a wife goes out with her friends and leaves a note that says "Went out to [wherever] with the girls, call me if you need anything, xoxo!" what's wrong with that? Same for the reverse. As long as the spouse can get ahold of them and knows where they are, what's the problem?
OF COURSE there might be a time where the wife or husband might say, "Oh I'd rather you not go out because I wanted to spend time with you." That's fine -- this is just an example of people in a relationship making compromises for one another and being there for one another and supporting one another.
Marriages can work and be beautiful without bringing this nonsense about "insubordination" into it, or "permissions," and especially without bringing violence into it.
yeah the woman is fancy in Islam it's live like a queen (on contrary) not as you except , we need to protoct her and care about her .
and for that we (the men) are the responsible for her ,
and if i want to marry a woman i need to give her some money (called المهر
, and I should got for her a house , and festival of the weding is also on me , and in during the mariage i should care about her demands .(at my limite )
Looncall
Well-Known Member
yeah the woman is fancy in Islam it's live like a queen (on contrary) not as you except , we need to protoct her and care about her .
and for that we (the men) are the responsible for her ,
and if i want to marry a woman i need to give her some money (called المهر
It sounds more like acquiring livestock than marrying a woman.
No, I don't need "permission" to go out, Godobeyer. I let him know I'm going somewhere, just as he lets me know. We have six children; we need to know where each other is. It has nothing to do with "permission".
Are you saying woman need men or that men should just try and be good husbands (like standing by her side when things get rough)?
What if you are broke and she is rich?and if i want to marry a woman i need to give her some money (called المهر
yeah the woman is fancy in Islam it's live like a queen (on contrary) not as you except , we need to protoct her and care about her .
and for that we (the men) are the responsible for her ,
and if i want to marry a woman i need to give her some money (called المهر
So it's like I said earlier: the cage you're buying for her is expensive, so you expect her to be grateful and subservient.
BTW: in most places I'm familiar with, "queen" is a title for a woman who rules over men.
ah ,ok you have a six children you go out with one of them .
what about whom have not kids yet , need to permission to go out ?
I don't understand your point well , but it's ok
the condition of mariage in Islam are
you need to give her some money "bride price ) (here almost 1500 dolars) which called in arabic مهر العروس
you need to make party of weding (it's cost 5000 dolars)
you need to have a house or room with if you live with your parent (it's cost 10 000 to 15 000 )
you need to care for her demands ,food , clothes ,....etc ( what you got in your limites )
edited : btw the pay nothing .
this is rarely happened , but it's a good solution for simplfy the mariage if she want to help him .
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Was asking if she needs a man, i.e. someone to protect her against everything and help her with everything and so because she cannot do it on her own. Or if a man should be a good husband, not because she needs him to do stuff but because they love each other and want a good relationship. You mentioned things like giving her money and protecting her, and I wanted to clearly understand what meant.
I take that as that it is not set in stone that he should give her money. Since if he is broke he may not be able to afford it.
EDIT:
To explain my perspective I should maybe mention that I am a bit romantic in my view of marriage. It should be about love and mutual respect and trust. You make a commitment to someone you love, that you want to live with them and share your life with them, for both the rainy and sunny days. It should not be about what the people involved can or cannot afford (except for the actual marriage, that is).
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the "list" was a conditions of mariage .to get marry you need money for that list .
it's obligation in Islam to give the wife money before the mariage (in my region in Algeria ,it's cost about 1000 dolars)
it's one of conditions of the mariage .
Could you perhaps explain the reasons for this?
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