Muslims: Keeping the wife "in line"

[Godobeyer]

That's where we really differ.
Of course it should be discussed.
Different people have different views of what "God law" is.
(I'd say it doesn't even exist.)
There's no objective reason that one sacred book is any better than another.
Add to this the fact that followers on a faith cannot even agree among themselves how to interpret it.

you right , every one have his view , but acuatly we are discusion something undiscucable in Islam .
we back to obedience of the wife to her husband , if she disboy him she will get sin , and if she obey him she will get "charity " حسنة

for exemple :
its like if i discuss with other muslim :if there is or there is not jugdement day .

 

[Revoltingest]

you right , every one have his view , but acuatly we are discusion something undiscucable in Islam .
we back to obedience of the wife to her husband , if she disboy him she will get sin , and if she obey him she will get "charity " حسنة
its like if i discuss with other muslim :if there is or there is not jugdement day .

But I observe that even Muslims differ greatly on this topic.

 

[waitasec]

Women love a man who's aggressive.

good grief...

 

[waitasec]

God order the Muslim woman to subardonate to her husband, and she will go to the heaven because of that , because he is the responsible to feed her and to care about her in everything . and she is responsible about him , and her kids .

Islam made also the women are equal to the man , in many things /levels , she had the right to choose her husband , and to learn and to work , to tell her opinion ...etc

edited : the equality is had big definition in the west it's becomes close to absolute FREEDOM ,which made from the woman as game for the men , she had the right to lose her virginity , and made many sex relationship by the name of love or desire, and wear what she want ,
and work what she want .......etc

for exemple : for the muslim women the work is an option , it's not obligation .
but for the western women is an option but it's obligation for her to work .

what if the man is contemptuous? the woman has to put up with that behavior, really? good grief...

 

[internationalist]

good grief...

Admit it!

 

[beenie]

Women love a man who's aggressive.

Perhaps you're mixing up aggressive with assertive and strong? Aggressiveness implies "taking over".

you right .that's what i talking about from the begining , yes the woman prefer the man who had strong personality .
, but my lanaguage fail me .
and the men what is his farvorite woman (which subordonate/not agressive or unsubordinate/agressive ) ?

Again, a strong personality is different than violence; anyone who smacks another is being "violent", not "strong".

Marriage is teamwork. I strive to make my husband and children happy on a daily basis. I know what pleases him and for the most part I try my best. There are days I struggle to do my part, and days I do more than necessary. Same goes for my children.

HOWEVER, my husband strives to make me happy on a daily basis, as well as our children. He knows what pleases me and for the most part he tries his best. There are days he struggles to do his part, and days he does more than necessary. Same goes for our children.

This is mutual respect. Do we argue? Of course. Are there days I wish I'd never met him? Sure. I'm quite certain the reverse is true as well. No matter what though, neither of us would EVER think of raising a hand to the other. Once one has crossed over into physical attacks, all respect is gone.

You can force someone to be subordinate, but you can't force someone to love or respect another.

 

[not nom]

Admit it!

that women like aggressive men? lulz.

women like men who keep them on their toes (and vice versa ) while also making them feel safe/happy (or at least not threatened/unhappy), (and vice versa), yeah... so not being pushed around by others surely helps... but that's hardly aggression (which is usually a result of insecurity or stupidity rather than "strength").

 

[waitasec]

Admit it!

if you prefer an aggressive man...all power to you, or not as it were...

 

[Trey of Diamonds]

Ok folks, how about a slight change of perspective. What we are really talking about here is dominance. So lets remove the cultural and gender specific aspects and look at the root, dominance.

Should there be a dominate party in a relationship?
Should a relationship be a partnership with equal standing?
Should all relationships be based on dominance or partnership or should it be a persons choice.
Is one choice morally better than the other?
In a dominate style relationship, does it matter which gender is the dominate party?
If a person prefers to be the subordinate in a dominate style relationship, is it right to demand that they change to a partnership style relationship?

Only after you consider the answers to these questions, (and probably others), can you then move to what the questions mean within a culture or society.

 

[Draka]

Women love a man who's aggressive.

Not true. Certainly if aggressive is to mean controlling and abusive. I've been with aggressive men and I hated it. They sweet talked me in acting all nice and romantic, and once I was reeled in, they became aggressive and controlling jerks. I am not a slave or an animal to be trained and treated as lower than my man. I am currently with a man who is not aggressive at all. He is calm, rational, funny, treats me with respect as an equal, and lets me make my own decisions and backs me on them as well. He is the best man I've ever been with. He is a real man. No aggressive, controlling, abusive, manipulating, jerkwad is a man...they are just dirt to be swept away and out of our lives.

 

[Reverend Rick]

It takes a real man to keep his wife happy.

 

[Godobeyer]

what if the man is contemptuous? the woman has to put up with that behavior, really? good grief...

where is the comtemptuous in my reply ?

 

[waitasec]

where is the comtemptuous in my reply ?

i didn't say that.

i asked a question, what if...

 

[Godobeyer]

Perhaps you're mixing up aggressive with assertive and strong? Aggressiveness implies "taking over".


Again, a strong personality is different than violence; anyone who smacks another is being "violent", not "strong".

of course it's is dif ,accuatly it's character . that mean you rarely find someone had low personality do violence and inverse .

Marriage is teamwork. I strive to make my husband and children happy on a daily basis. I know what pleases him and for the most part I try my best. There are days I struggle to do my part, and days I do more than necessary. Same goes for my children.

teamwork , that team should had a leader , I am glad that you are happy with you small family .

This is mutual respect. Do we argue? Of course. Are there days I wish I'd never met him? Sure. I'm quite certain the reverse is true as well. No matter what though, neither of us would EVER think of raising a hand to the other. Once one has crossed over into physical attacks, all respect is gone.

of course you should argue with respect, and respect is mutual . the life is full of problem , if you don't pass to him or he did not pass to you , the relation will stop .
the essencial is the love between the wife and her man, and seen the hope in the
futur .

I have a question for you , is ever experience "slap of love" by your husband ?
and if the answer is "no" , if he did , what will be your reaction ?

You can force someone to be subordinate, but you can't force someone to love or respect another

yes , no one force someone love or respect . honestly as my experience is ,the woman when she loved someone , subordinate to him , especially when he had strong personality and good acts with her , and even if he slap her because he love her , she will accept that .
for exemple a husband ask his wife to don't to talk to some one , and she did not care about his warning/please , and suddenly he found her talking with him !!! , and he slap her for that . she will not reject that , and she will consider it as love correct way . if she love him realy .

 

[Godobeyer]

i didn't say that.

i asked a question, what if...

no problem , every situation/problem had it solution .
post your hypothese if you want .

 

[Enlighten]

I have a question for you , is ever experience "slap of love" by your husband ?
and if the answer is "no" , if he did , what will be your reaction ?.

I personally don't think such a thing exists, the action to slap someone is a form of humiliation and abuse.

 

[waitasec]

no problem , every situation/problem had it solution .
post your hypothese if you want .

God order the Muslim woman to subardonate to her husband, and she will go to the heaven because of that , because he is the responsible to feed her and to care about her in everything . and she is responsible about him , and her kids .

Islam made also the women are equal to the man , in many things /levels , she had the right to choose her husband , and to learn and to work , to tell her opinion ...etc

edited : the equality is had big definition in the west it's becomes close to absolute FREEDOM ,which made from the woman as game for the men , she had the right to lose her virginity , and made many sex relationship by the name of love or desire, and wear what she want ,
and work what she want .......etc

for exemple : for the muslim women the work is an option , it's not obligation .
but for the western women is an option but it's obligation for her to work .

well first of all...
like draka had mentioned in an earlier post...she had experiences with men who were nice to her and once she let her guard down they revealed their true selves as being controlling. now based on what i highlighted in red, what if a muslim man where to do the same...?
how is the woman who is no longer a virgin get to be cut off from the man she thought she knew she could trust with her life?

secondly, what i highlighted in blue. it seems as though your explanation says, the woman is a subordinate to her husband BUT she is just as responsible as her husband...
isn't that a double standard?

 

[waitasec]

I have a question for you , is ever experience "slap of love" by your husband ?

what is your definition of 'slap of love'?

 

[Draka]

I have a question for you , is ever experience "slap of love" by your husband ?
and if the answer is "no" , if he did , what will be your reaction ?

Turk has never slapped me and if he ever did I'd most likely slap him right back and tell him to get out.

yes , no one force someone love or respect . honestly as my experience is ,the woman when she loved someone , subordinate to him , especially when he had strong personality and good acts with her , and even if he slap her because he love her , she will accept that .

You don't slap someone you love. Because if you truly love them you view them as an extension of yourself and hurting them would essentially be hurting yourself.

for exemple a husband ask his wife to don't to talk to some one , and she did not care about his warning/please , and suddenly he found her talking with him !!! , and he slap her for that . she will not reject that , and she will consider it as love correct way . if she love him realy .

Slapping as a means of "correction" is still abuse. I would want to know why the husband has a problem with her speaking to a particular guy. If the guy is a sleaze or criminal or grabby with women then it would make sense for the husband to say to stay away from the guy. But if the guy in question happens to be a friend of the wife and the husband is telling her not to talk to her friend because he is jealous and controlling, then that is the husband's problem. The wife should not be expected to dump her friends simply because the husband is jealous. Jealousy is a sign of trust issues most commonly on the part of the jealous person. The husband should seek therapy.

 

[Godobeyer]

first of all i notice that you have many "if"s

well first of all...
like draka had mentioned in an earlier post...she had experiences with men who were nice to her and once she let her guard down they revealed their true selves as being controlling. now based on what i highlighted in red, what if a muslim man where to do the same...?

honestly i did not get you point , but i will try to answser "if " in red .
you mean if god order the man to obey his wife (inverse situation) , for me i will obey god order , and i will obey my wife .

how is the woman who is no longer a virgin get to be cut off from the man she thought she knew she could trust with her life?

what is the relation between my early reply and this question ?

secondly, what i highlighted in blue. it seems as though your explanation says, the woman is a subordinate to her husband BUT she is just as responsible as her husband...
isn't that a double standard

no her responsibility/duty is her subordinate .as he responsible to her more , in the normal case just he who work out for her and his/her kids .
and if she want to work to help him , she need to take his permission .