Nice Guy Syndrome and Misandry

[Sunstone]

Well actually when it comes to short term relationships (in particular but not limited to this) women like those 'bad boys', in fact the difference in preference for the 'bad boy' over the 'nice guy' is overwhelmingly large in such relationships.

It isn't a matter of the women not being 'decent' there are a myriad number of reasons for the preference (including biological predispositions - which also encourage women to have a nice guy husband and a bad boy father of her children) - but it is most certainly a widespread preference.

I'm aware that there are a number of studies supporting what you've just said. But those studies talk in generalities. Not all women prefer "bad boys". Not all women dismiss "nice guys". I'm a nice guy -- or as Painted Wolf says, "a genuinely nice guy" -- and I tend to get hit on regularly by certain types of women: For instance, wise, highly intelligent, strong, compassionate, sexually kinky, freethinker types. I'm also by choice celibate, so I'm not even actively looking for those women -- they find me. That suggests to me that they themselves are actively looking for nice guys. If I weren't celibate, I'd be in clover. So, while I think the studies might be true for large numbers of women, I don't think they are true for all women. Women are individuals. They aren't all stamped from the same coin.

 

[Me Myself]

Otherwise you'll end up with some woman that actually wants to wear the pants in the relationship. Then you'll probably be walked all over the rest of your life

I think in a good relationship, no one should wear the pants for too much time, and if one is wearing pants, they better be pleasuring the partner with the mouth.

 

[Badran]

Whether or not they "need" such things is debatable

In the sense that they need it any more than men (all of them that is), i'm afraid not.

Its ridiculous to even say this but obviously plenty of women love doing everything for themselves, and need nobody to 'take charge' of anything for them.

I'm not trying to dismiss your opinion though, but i'm saying that from countless examples in real life you can see what demonstrates your reasoning as false.

Feel free however to share why you don't think this is the case.

but confidence/courage is something most women are attracted to.

I'd say thats something most people are attracted to in general. Again, the problem is that you're making assumptions about things as inherent in women and some values as inherent in men when life demonstrates otherwise.

That such issues are no way near as simple and that neither group comfortably fits into such simplistic categories.

The worst part is that so many of these ultra-feminists, many of which hate men and/or are lesbians try to make women feel like there's something wrong with them if they desire to be the "damsel in distress"

I think the real problem is trying to make women feel like its 'natural' for them to be the "damsel in distress".

 

[Sunstone]

Otherwise you'll end up with some woman that actually wants to wear the pants in the relationship. Then you'll probably be walked all over the rest of your life

Strong women just scare the hell out of you, don't they.

 

[-Peacemaker-]

Strong women just scare the hell out of you, don't they.

One of the mistakes many people make is to equate strength with domineering.

 

[InformedIgnorance]

I don't think I as a 'nice guy' (at least in the opinion of most people I know) hate women... I do however hate certain types of people - which include those same types of women.

 

[Sunstone]

One of the mistakes many people make is to equate strength with domineering.

Are you sure you haven't been making that mistake yourself?

 

[Debater Slayer]

One of the mistakes many people make is to equate strength with domineering.

What makes you think that a woman who wants to be in charge is "domineering", while a man who does the same thing isn't?

Your point of view seems to me as influenced by prescribed gender roles -- particularly the 'man in charge' parts.

 

[Sunstone]

What makes you think that a woman who wants to be in charge is "domineering", while a man who does the same thing isn't?

Your point of view seems to me as influenced by prescribed gender roles -- particularly the 'man in charge' parts.

Damn! I'm out of frubals.

 

[InformedIgnorance]

Damn! I'm out of frubals.

LIES! You have 68867424 left Just tear some off.

I do believe that there is a kernel of validity in his position however with regard to the idea that there is a changing dynamic of fewer males assuming that they SHOULD be dominant within their relationship while there are more women assuming that SHOULD be dominant within their relationship - I assume that the former is still far more prevalent than the later ^_-

 

[-Peacemaker-]

LIES! You have 68867424 left Just tear some off.

I do believe that there is a kernel of validity in his position however with regard to the idea that there is a changing dynamic of fewer males assuming that they SHOULD be dominant within their relationship while there are more women assuming that SHOULD be dominant within their relationship - I assume that the former is still far more prevalent than the later ^_-

Trust me on this. You learn to be confident and then learn how to dance and you'll have a legit shot with more women than you'll have time for. Learning how to be charming never hurts either especially if you can make them laugh. What about your wardrobe? What do you wear to go out in?

 

[Hope]

How about nobody wears the figurative pants, and they just view each other for the equals that they are?

Reminds me of this song:

Don francisco- Pants - YouTube

 

[Sunstone]

LIES! You have 68867424 left Just tear some off.

I do believe that there is a kernel of validity in his position however with regard to the idea that there is a changing dynamic of fewer males assuming that they SHOULD be dominant within their relationship while there are more women assuming that SHOULD be dominant within their relationship - I assume that the former is still far more prevalent than the later ^_-

Would you hate me for being arrogant enough to offer you some advice? If so, that's too bad, because I'm going to. I believe you when you say you're a nice guy. So, stick to being a nice guy. That is, be unwaveringly true to yourself. Your problem isn't there are no women attracted to nice guys. I know for a fact there are. Your problem is that you haven't had the fortune to meet them yet. Plus, in my experience, the women who are genuinely attracted to nice guys tend to be sexually confident -- if you know what I mean.

By the way, I accept frubals in exchange for my absolutely excellent advice. Just sayin'.

 

[InformedIgnorance]

Hahaha - I know being a nice guy is only ONE of my many limitations with regard to finding a girlfriend (I have after-all for the most part given up on that) I was merely commenting on the concept in general.

And I have no intention on changing who I am - I do my best not to disadvantage or diminish in any way those around me - what do I care about becoming a less pleasant or capable person in order to have a relationship... even if my being a nice guy meant that I would be alone - I am not so desperate that I would become a 'less' nice guy. I am me because I deem this a good person to be - anything else is secondary to that. Trying to become a little more confident, that might perhaps be a good idea - but the reasons for my lack of confidence are well founded, so I am content that I am realistically confident (which is to say not much) ^.^

 

[Hope]

I posted an article somewhere on RF about Hollywood in general inculcating the attitude in men that they deserve beautiful women. Most of the blockbusters and classics are about men eventually winning the affections of the heroine - who incidentally is always beautiful and lacking any character development. Her story in the movie is irrelevant. The point is that the hero always gets the pretty girl, and the point which boys may internalize is that they too should get the same. One of the many issues involved is that real women don't look like Hollywood heroines.

I'd venture to say that the reverse is also true: that Hollywood also promotes the attitude that women deserve hunky, handsome men. The heroine usually gets the gorgeous guy, who may or may not have any redeeming qualities other than big biceps, a solid six-pack, and a handsome face. And this guy must expose aforesaid musculature at least once in the film by taking his shirt off or otherwise walking about naked.

Either way, Hollywood isn't helping any of our mistaken expectations or stereotypes.

 

[-Peacemaker-]

Trying to become a little more confident, that might perhaps be a good idea - but the reasons for my lack of confidence are well founded, so I am content that I am realistically confident (which is to say not much) ^.^

Unless your penis has literally fallen off I can assure you that those reasons are most definately NOT well founded

 

[InformedIgnorance]

Why would that be a reason for a loss of confidence? I do not equate the size of my genitalia with my self worth. Humorously enough though, if I did so then I would be significantly more confident.

 

[Chisti]

It seems to me a responsible person is usually unwilling to put the blame for misery in their life onto others. Unless one is, say, literally violating the law or causing serious abuse, then nobody is "making" another person miserable. Some people allow themselves to be made miserable due to not exercising control over their own situations or own emotions.

What if they start a conversation, be friendly etc. and after a few days perceive you to be gentle - and then start mocking you? What I mean is, you don't know their true colors initially, so you interact with them. Then they hurt you.

 

[Me Myself]

I'd venture to say that the reverse is also true: that Hollywood also promotes the attitude that women deserve hunky, handsome men. The heroine usually gets the gorgeous guy, who may or may not have any redeeming qualities other than big biceps, a solid six-pack, and a handsome face. And this guy must expose aforesaid musculature at least once in the film by taking his shirt off or otherwise walking about naked.

Either way, Hollywood isn't helping any of our mistaken expectations or stereotypes.

nice! I love when people see both ways!

Yes, I agree. My gf loves this kind of literature and movies, so I know >_>

 

[-Peacemaker-]

Why would that be a reason for a loss of confidence? I do not equate the size of my genitalia with my self worth. Humorously enough though, if I did so then I would be significantly more confident.

Then in your eyes what's the matter with you? Are you a hunchback or something?