Opinions on Spanking

[ChristineES]

I'd like to ask a question: if spanking is so wonderful, then why am I in therapy to this day (age 43)to get over the anger I have about belt whippings I received as a child? I haven't been spanked in 30 years.

 

[Alceste]

I'd like to ask a question: if spanking is so wonderful, then why am I in therapy to this day (age 43)to get over the anger I have about belt whippings I received as a child? I haven't been spanked in 30 years.

Aww. :kissbette

Sorry to hear that Christine.

 

[DallasApple]

I'd like to ask a question: if spanking is so wonderful, then why am I in therapy to this day (age 43)to get over the anger I have about belt whippings I received as a child? I haven't been spanked in 30 years.

(((HUGS)))

This is what I was trying to point out in one of my post.If beign disciplined through spanking is supposed to help build a strong character..and teach you to repsect and "admire' your parents because they cared enough to hit you..Why would it years later STILL conguer up feelings of anger and resentment and in your case to the point you need therapy over it?

Love

Dallas

 

[Aquitaine]

I'd like to ask a question: if spanking is so wonderful, then why am I in therapy to this day (age 43)to get over the anger I have about belt whippings I received as a child? I haven't been spanked in 30 years.

Well, I'm guessing your parents perhaps OD'ed on the spanking, well, belt-whipping. Not all parents who spank use identical methods at an identical frequency for identical reasons though, plus I guess every child is different.

Now that you mentioned that, actually I remember how one of my sister's fiance was telling me how when he was a kid his Mother would whip him with cable, until he got "slugs" on his back (large clots of drooping blood), and she'd whip him again for crying at being whipped until he stopped. He's Ghanian though, so there methods are..... different to say the least. Ironically however, he loves his Mother to bits. Not only that but he's just finished his Degree in Architecture.

Like I said, I guess every child is different.

 

[DallasApple]

No one is claiming you dont love your parents regardless if they spanked you.I think of them as "ignorant" in that regard and thinking that they are somehow helping you.

No one is claiming you can not over come being beaten by your parents and forgiving them because of their ignorance.Or some people just accept it as they must have deserved it or the parents wouldnt have done it.

But anyone who thinks its "right' or "neccesarry" to beat a child and then BEAT them becuase they cry out in pain is a fool.

Love

Dallas

 

[DallasApple]

Oh and as far as going on and being succesful? So what?..I know women who were raped by their family members as children and they are succesful as adults.It doesnt mean that being raped helped them go on to be succesful.

Love

Dallas

 

[ChristineES]

Oh and as far as going on and being successful? So what?..I know women who were raped by their family members as children and they are successful as adults.It doesn't mean that being raped helped them go on to be successful.

Love

Dallas

That's a point.

I keep wondering why we (as the human race) believe that causing children pain will help them learn a lesson. Spanking is a lot easier than other forms of discipline, and it takes minimum effort. I saw a news item once where a boy stole money, and his father made him sell his things in order to pay back the money he stole. I think that would be a lot more effective than hitting but, as you can see, it took more effort and more thought.

 

[Aquitaine]

That's a point.

I keep wondering why we (as the human race) believe that causing children pain will help them learn a lesson. Spanking is a lot easier than other forms of discipline, and it takes minimum effort. I saw a news item once where a boy stole money, and his father made him sell his things in order to pay back the money he stole. I think that would be a lot more effective than hitting but, as you can see, it took more effort and more thought.

Well, for one, the act of spanking alone is never gonna teach children anything, except maybe not to cross your parents. From my experience, spanking is always acompanied with other forms of parenting/punishment/correction etc. I think the idea is that the spank acts as the barrier, the wall, to stop them, then after that, other methods can be applied to help them learn the consequences of their actions. I cannot speak for all spankers but 'm guessing not many parents who spank actually believe that the act of a spank on it's own is going to magically teach their kids important lessons.

I guess spanking can be part of a large collection of potential responces for a parent when it comes to disciplining your child, but I wouldn't support the idea of using it commonly, as a first resort, or by itself, since children can't "learn" much just by being spanked on the backside.

 

[ChristineES]

I think what I mean by spanking isn't a swat to stop your 3 year old from running out into the street or taking a toy from a peer or sibling. I guess what I mean is that a swat or 2 is different than a long, drawn out spanking, either with or without a weapon (belt, paddle, etc).

 

[Aquitaine]

I think what I mean by spanking isn't a swat to stop your 3 year old from running out into the street or taking a toy from a peer or sibling. I guess what I mean is that a swat or 2 is different than a long, drawn out spanking, either with or without a weapon (belt, paddle, etc).

To me, "spank" or "spanking" is to hit a child's skin with your open hand, either on the backside, or the back of the legs. I don't assume "spank" to mean either a closed-fisted hit, or an impact with an item/weapon.

I support the circumstancial use of such "spanking" according to my definition. I'm not keen on the idea of hitting kids with items, belts, or closed fists, or spanking them multiple times in one session etc.

Just a calm, quick <spank>.

 

[ChristineES]

To me, "spank" or "spanking" is to hit a child's skin with your open hand, either on the backside, or the back of the legs. I don't assume "spank" to mean either a closed-fisted hit, or an impact with an item/weapon.

I support the circumstancial use of such "spanking" according to my definition. I'm not keen on the idea of hitting kids with items, belts, or closed fists, or spanking them multiple times in one session etc.

Just a calm, quick <spank>.

I agree with that part- hitting with any kind of weapon, like a hairbrush, belt, or paddle is a beating and not a spanking.

 

[Aquitaine]

I agree with that part- hitting with any kind of weapon, like a hairbrush, belt, or paddle is a beating and not a spanking.

Yeah, although I think "swat" might be a good way of describing it, although to me it suggests being hit with an item, a fly swatter lol.

Yeah, hitting with an item of closed fist to me is more of "beating" too. To me, spanking should just cause a breif quick sensation of pain, it shouldn't actually damage/injury the person, just like a flick on the ear.

So, now that you're aware of my definition of "spanking", do you still disagree with me?

 

[ChristineES]

Yeah, although I think "swat" might be a good way of describing it, although to me it suggests being hit with an item, a fly swatter lol.

Yeah, hitting with an item of closed fist to me is more of "beating" too. To me, spanking should just cause a breif quick sensation of pain, it shouldn't actually damage/injury the person, just like a flick on the ear.

So, now that you're aware of my definition of "spanking", do you still disagree with me?

My mother never did anything half way. It was either a several minute whipping with a belt or switch or nothing. So "swat" would never have applied to what I went through. But, to be sure, to me a one quick swat does not constitute what I consider what I meant by a spanking. So I suppose I can't really disagree with you on what you call a spanking.

 

[Aquitaine]

My mother never did anything half way. It was either a several minute whipping with a belt or switch or nothing. So "swat" would never have applied to what I went through. But, to be sure, to me a one quick swat does not constitute what I consider what I meant by a spanking. So I suppose I can't really disagree with you on what you call a spanking.

Plus, I support the circumstancial use of spanking, depending on the severity of the situation, I also would never believe that a simple spank on it's own would ever "teach" kids anything (other than that they'd get spanked if they disobey thier parents to a severe degree, which I don't think is that bad though).

To me, the "spank" should always be acompanied by other parental techniques, as one whole package to address the situation. The spank should only act as a physical "boundary" so that the child won't cross it again, or to "stop" a child in it's tracks. Then after that, other methods ca be applied.

Kinda like a formula, sort of like Stop, Control, Address, Resolve or something like that. The spank would act as the "Stop" part, never the "Resolve" or "Address" part.

Then agian, I'm young and have no kids, so feel free to just tell me to f**k off!

xD

 

[ChristineES]

Plus, I support the circumstancial use of spanking, depending on the severity of the situation, I also would never believe that a simple spank on it's own would ever "teach" kids anything (other than that they'd get spanked if they disobey thier parents to a severe degree, which I don't think is that bad though).

To me, the "spank" should always be acompanied by other parental techniques, as one whole package to address the situation. The spank should only act as a physical "boundary" so that the child won't cross it again, or to "stop" a child in it's tracks. Then after that, other methods ca be applied.

Kinda like a formula, sort of like Stop, Control, Address, Resolve or something like that. The spank would act as the "Stop" part, never the "Resolve" or "Address" part.

Then agian, I'm young and have no kids, so feel free to just tell me to f**k off!

xD

It is always good explain your actions. And it is different what you think you are going to do when you become a parent and what happens when you actually become one. But your comments are acceptable and you make good, valid points.

 

[Alceste]

So, now that you're aware of my definition of "spanking", do you still disagree with me?

I still don't agree that a child is going to learn anything from that except to hit people when they are annoyed.

 

[DallasApple]

I still don't agree that a child is going to learn anything from that except to hit people when they are annoyed.

I dont either..Except they could learn that their own parents hit THEM when they are "annoyed" at them specfically.Which as an adult you will realize was a weakness in them.

It doesnt matter if you use your hand as a weapon or a foreign object.Even though I think you are more of a wimp if you use a foreign object.

The whole point is if you sanctify "spanking" then the parents can use whatever they want whenever they want and call it "discipline".

When there is no getting around it..Its physical abuse.And its someohow O.K or even "good" because its only allowed on the weakest physically and intelliectually and emotionally on our society.Children.

Love

Dallas

 

[Wannabe Yogi]

I must say , Its very pleasurable that my son is developing in a normal well adjusted way. With out me having to hit him to make a point. Just my disapproval seems to be enough for him to change his behavior. I am looking ahead to his teen age years to see if attachment parenting still holds up. Both me and my best friend have said that if our parenting theories don&#8217;t work any better then our parents methodology ( or lack of ) we are going to be P__ off because it takes so much more time and hard work.

Each child and parent have differing personalities. I feel blessed that ours match well and it is easy to create a supportive environment for him to grow up in. Now not every one agrees with my child raising techniques. If someone in my family makes a claim that he believes to be incorrect, he is welcome to prove and argue his point in a respectful way. If he can convince me that I am wrong I will thank him. My in-laws hate this practice in my home. They think its disrespectful when Grandma makes a comment about sharks that is incorrect and my son pulls out his animal encyclopedia to show what it says on the subject. As long as he is respectful and he is seeking the truth its allowed.

I believe that this little activity has made my opinion much more powerful. It has also set an example how we all need to harmonize all our activities to the truth as we see it. So he is just a little more likely to follow my advice.

 

[DallasApple]

I must say , Its very pleasurable that my son is developing in a normal well adjusted way. With out me having to hit him to make a point. Just my disapproval seems to be enough for him to change his behavior. I am looking ahead to his teen age years to see if attachment parenting still holds up. Both me and my best friend have said that if our parenting theories don’t work any better then our parents methodology ( or lack of ) we are going to be P__ off because it takes so much more time and hard work.

Each child and parent have differing personalities. I feel blessed that ours match well and it is easy to create a supportive environment for him to grow up in. Now not every one agrees with my child raising techniques. If someone in my family makes a claim that he believes to be incorrect, he is welcome to prove and argue his point in a respectful way. If he can convince me that I am wrong I will thank him. My in-laws hate this practice in my home. They think its disrespectful when Grandma makes a comment about sharks that is incorrect and my son pulls out his animal encyclopedia to show what it says on the subject. As long as he is respectful and he is seeking the truth its allowed.

I believe that this little activity has made my opinion much more powerful. It has also set an example how we all need to harmonize all our activities to the truth as we see it. So he is just a little more likely to follow my advice.

I think you should beat the **** out of that brat.

Love

Dallas

 

[Aquitaine]

I still don't agree that a child is going to learn anything from that except to hit people when they are annoyed.

Well, that's because they're not supposed to "learn" anything from the spank itself. It just defines where the "barrier" or "line" is, and what happens if it's crossed.