Polyamory or Monogamy?

[CynthiaCypher]

Which doesn't matter when you're practicing safe sex and not sleeping with random people.

Wow, you people really don't get what polyamory is.

You are being naive. In the world I live in, people tend to **** up. In fact, not only do they tend to **** up they are also fundamentally dishonest about ******* up and tend to go into a state of denial when they do **** up. So given those facts, you can't 100% trust anyone to do anything besides **** up. So you can't trust everyone you are banging whether or not they are practicing "safe sex" (no such entity exists by the way) or to be completely honest (being that people are fundamentally dishonest). So if a person you are banging tells you that they always practice "safe sex" and they don't bang random people, how do you know you can trust them completely? You simply can't. You are still at risk.

 

[Saint Frankenstein]

You are being naive. In the world I live in, people tend to **** up. In fact, not only do they tend to **** up they are also fundamentally dishonest about ******* up and tend to go into a state of denial when they do **** up. So given those facts, you can't 100% trust anyone to do anything besides **** up. So you can't trust everyone you are banging whether or not they are practicing "safe sex" (no such entity exists by the way) or to be completely honest (being that people are fundamentally dishonest). So if a person you are banging tells you that they always practice "safe sex" and they don't bang random people, how do you know you can trust them completely? You simply can't. You are still at risk.

What a sad and lonely life you must live. However, not everyone lives their lives full of fear as you do.

 

[CynthiaCypher]

What a sad and lonely life you must live. However, not everyone lives their lives full of fear as you do.

I live in reality not the Disney movie you are living in but reality.

 

[Saint Frankenstein]

I live in reality not the Disney movie you are living in but reality.

I know more about reality than you could ever imagine. I can see what sort of fearful life you live because of what you say.

 

[kashmir]

That's ridiculous, and not the reasoning at all.

You can completely trust two people, and trust them to be faithful. You seem to have this idea that poly people just want all sex all the time. Polyamory isn't just all about sex, any more than monogamy is all about sex.

I'm a 26 year-old virgin, if I fell in love with two people and we were in a triad, and I trusted them, like you should in a relationship of any kind, I would not expect them to cheat, just because they have two partners. Having two partners in the context of a relationship isn't asking for someone to cheat anymore than having one partner is. Relationships aren't all about sex.

so, odds suggest that trusting 2 people, its more logical then just trusting one person?
Trusting three people becomes more logical and so forth?

this is what is being presented.

one on one, says they wish to be one on one.

Polyamory isnt even about one on one to begin with, they already want extra partners to begin with.


their whole argument is completely flawed and cicular.

 

[HexBomb]

You are being naive. In the world I live in, people tend to **** up. In fact, not only do they tend to **** up they are also fundamentally dishonest about ******* up and tend to go into a state of denial when they do **** up. So given those facts, you can't 100% trust anyone to do anything besides **** up. So you can't trust everyone you are banging whether or not they are practicing "safe sex" (no such entity exists by the way) or to be completely honest (being that people are fundamentally dishonest). So if a person you are banging tells you that they always practice "safe sex" and they don't bang random people, how do you know you can trust them completely? You simply can't. You are still at risk.

That's sad. I'll be the first one to admit that people screw up, but that kind of moral nihilism is something that thinks so little of people, that no matter how long someone is faithful or honest, you're always waiting for the other shoe to drop. How can you have any kind of meaningful friendship or anything else with that view?

 

[CynthiaCypher]

I know more about reality than you could ever imagine. I can see what sort of fearful life you live because of what you say.

I am not the one expounded "magic" here. I face reality, I don't busy myself with polishing turds. I face reality, it is the fearful who need to polish turds.

 

[Nymphs]

Polyamory isn't just all about sex, any more than monogamy is all about sex.

This!

 

[kashmir]

What part of Polyamory that demands extra partners the a one on one does not demand are people missing here?

 

[Nymphs]

Polyamory isnt even about one on one to begin with, they already want extra partners to begin with.
.

Polyamory definition:

Polyamory is the practice, desire, or acceptance of having more than one intimate relationship at a time with the knowledge and consent of everyone involved

Polyamory - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

 

[Nymphs]

What part of Polyamory that demands extra partners the a one on one does not demand are people missing here?

Pardon?

 

[HexBomb]

so, odds suggest that just because to are trusting 2 people, its more logical then just trusting one person?
Trusting three people becomes more logical and so forth?

this is what is being presented.

one on one, says they wish to be one on one.

Polyamory isnt even about one on one to begin with, they already want extra partners to begin with.

In marriage, two people become joined, often because they love and trust each other and want to spend their lives together, and can't imagine life without the other person.

You're saying polyamory is intrinsically less trustworthy, even if those feelings are shared across three or four people. Why? You keep saying about 'extra,' but why do you get to define what is 'extra?' If vows are said between four, and everyone has three partners, then it is not extra.

If you are in a relationship, and someone says 'I like this person, may I date them,' and you say yes, then how is that violating the trust involved? If they say 'Yes, but you need to get regular tests,' how is that breaking trust or cheating?

 

[Saint Frankenstein]

I am not the one expounded "magic" here. I face reality, I don't busy myself with polishing turds. I face reality, it is the fearful who need to polish turds.

Whatever you need to tell yourself to justify your lack of trust and fear. Keep chanting "I face reality" and maybe one day you'll believe it.

 

[CynthiaCypher]

In marriage, two people become joined, often because they love and trust each other and want to spend their lives together, and can't imagine life without the other person.

You're saying polyamory is intrinsically less trustworthy, even if those feelings are shared across three or four people. Why? You keep saying about 'extra,' but why do you get to define what is 'extra?' If vows are said between four, and everyone has three partners, then it is not extra.

If you are in a relationship, and someone says 'I like this person, may I date them,' and you say yes, then how is that violating the trust involved? If they say 'Yes, but you need to get regular tests,' how is that breaking trust or cheating?

We aren't saying that it is less trustworthy (in fact the pro-poly side is insisting that it is more trustworthy), we are saying people are people and it is more risky.

 

[Alceste]

That's sad. I'll be the first one to admit that people screw up, but that kind of moral nihilism is something that thinks so little of people, that no matter how long someone is faithful or honest, you're always waiting for the other shoe to drop. How can you have any kind of meaningful friendship or anything else with that view?

I have a friend who has a really crazy jealous girlfriend. He's never cheated on anyone in his life, let alone this girl in the 4 years they've been together, but she still loses her **** when women friend him on facebook, or talk to him, or basically notice him at all.

He's OK with that, I suppose - she must have some other fine qualities - but when he told me that I was so sad for him. No matter how faithful he is, no matter how many times over he proves himself, no matter how unquestionable his loyalty is, she will always question it. He'll never get any reward from all this loyalty from that particular person.

Poor guy.

/tangent.

 

[kashmir]

In marriage, two people become joined, often because they love and trust each other and want to spend their lives together, and can't imagine life without the other person.

You're saying polyamory is intrinsically less trustworthy, even if those feelings are shared across three or four people. Why? You keep saying about 'extra,' but why do you get to define what is 'extra?' If vows are said between four, and everyone has three partners, then it is not extra.

If you are in a relationship, and someone says 'I like this person, may I date them,' and you say yes, then how is that violating the trust involved? If they say 'Yes, but you need to get regular tests,' how is that breaking trust or cheating?

explain how trusting 15 people is more valid than trusting just one, lets not forget that Polyamory demands extra to begin with k?

One on one, does not have that in their world view, one on one is their world view.
they want one on one
Polyamory wants 15 on 15 forsay (to fill in the gaps that one on one does not have) and already admitted this and trusting that 15 is enough is flawed to suggest it is better than one on one.
15 on 15 can never fill in the gaps, if they need 15 to begin with, they cant even set a number on adventurous life styles.
One on one already fill all gaps and desire nothing else.
Polyamory is the complete opposite mindset.

the more people they add, the more desires and needs have to be filled.
It can never end.

"no one understands X, I need a new person....now all the new persons needs have to be met"

are you kidding me with this shyt?

 

[MysticSang'ha]

What part of Polyamory that demands extra partners the a one on one does not demand are people missing here?

I'd say that it's the expectation that people must define fidelity by very narrow parameters. Monogamous couples don't even have a unified definition of what fidelity means....no friends of the opposite sex? No hugging? No flirting? No emails? No lunch dates? No porn? No strip clubs or Chippendales? Every couple does best when they communicate well and respect boundaries - which typically evolve into other variations as time goes on.

I don't approach my marriage that I demand extra partners. As someone who identifies as a bisexual woman, I am attracted to who I am attracted to. It took a while to identify that as a healthy attribute of my psyche rather than being ashamed of it.

Likewise, when my husband and I began discussing polyamory in the beginning, we discovered we found ourselves attracted to other people but were too gun-shy to bring it up in the fear of damaging our marriage. Not to mention fear of jealousy, fear of rejection, and the fear of abandonment.

It was a conscious decision on our part to face those fears together, rather than trying everything we could to avoid it.

It works for us. Our conversations don't expect everyone to be like us, but we feel closer when we truly feel like two independent people who share their entire lives together. It helps us to feel interdependent, more than anything. Not two halves making a whole, but two whole people together creating something bigger.

But mono folks? It's what works for you, and that's awesome-sauce.

 

[HexBomb]

We aren't saying that it is less trustworthy (in fact the pro-poly side is insisting that it is more trustworthy), we are saying people are people and it is more risky.

I have never intended to say it is more trustworthy, if I have come across that way, I did not intend to.

However, are people flawed? Yes. Do people screw up? Absolutely. Do people screw up in both monogamy and polyamory? Certainly. That does not necessarily extrapolate to 'All people cheat and it is more likely for someone in a poly relationship to cheat, because they are greedy.'

 

[HexBomb]

explain how trusting 15 people is more valid than trusting just one, lets not forget that Polyamory demands extra to begin with k?

One on one, does not have that in their world view, one on one is their world view.
they want one on one
Polyamory wants 15 on 15 forsay and already admitted this and trusting that 15 is enough is flawed to suggest it is better than one on one.

It is not more valid, it is just as valid.

You're obsessed with this idea of extra. but okay, let's go with it.

Fifteen people fall in love with each other and trust each other. (Let's just ignore how big that number is and how unlikely that is) Fifteen people then make vows to each other. They share their lives, they build up solid relationships, they prove their loyalty, they talk through issues.

How is that any less trustworthy, just because of the numbers involved?

And I never intended to suggest it was better, they should be treated the same.

 

[Nymphs]

It is not more valid, it is just as valid.

Thank you.