The overwhelming episode of "Rape claim" & its effect on Males look towards females

[oldbadger]

Women have always had to be very cautious about meeting men in nightclubs, accepting rides home and "coming in for coffee," among a thousand other things that men haven't had to spend a second thought on.
Congratulations, you finally know what it feels like to be a woman!

You have no idea. Really.
Men have always had to be careful as well.
Male rape gets reported less often, because it receives so little empathy or sympathy from people.

I've often suspected that the much higher suicide levels in males might be connected to male rape in many instances.

Cut out the 'women only' trash in your perspective about rape. Please. Try coming over to Equality thinking. You still don't seem to have learned.

 

[oldbadger]

I asked a simple question. Don't get ****ty at me if you can't explain yourself.

You can't possibly be socially superior.......... you're an Ozzie aren't you?

I must read more of your posts on this thread; I only just noticed this and another.

 

[sealchan]

What do you mean by innocent fun? would have been a simple question which I would have willingly answered: I meant flirting without serious sexual intent. I erred in thinking that the meaning was obvious given the context of the discussion that preceded it.

It's one thing perhaps if the employees are equals rather than not. It's also important to recognize that anyone within earshot of such has to also be considered.

 

[joe1776]

So what, you can't make friends with someone of the opposite sex without "flirting without serious sexual intent"?

Do you like people who are hyper-sensitive? Is that a quality you appreciate in a friend?

The current workplace male-female climate is hyper-sensitive, where men have to "walk on eggshells." That's obviously not conducive to male-female friendships.

So, yes. It's great that the workplace is unquestionably a better place today for women. But, it comes with a cost.

 

[sealchan]

I dont get the eggshells context. I've never been a flirt either. Maybe flirting is over-rated. Sincere compliments might be a better option.

 

[Revoltingest]

You have no idea. Really.
Men have always had to be careful as well.
Male rape gets reported less often, because it receives so little empathy or sympathy from people.

I've often suspected that the much higher suicide levels in males might be connected to male rape in many instances.

Cut out the 'women only' trash in your perspective about rape. Please. Try coming over to Equality thinking. You still don't seem to have learned.

Back when I lived in LA, working for Northrop, I had a gay roommate.
(He wasn't only gay, he was a "red blanket baby", ie, a commie who
was born to commie parents. We were indeed the "odd couple".)
One day I came home to find him socializing with a large guy.
Later, my roomie said that I likely prevented a sexual assault....just
by showing up when I did. Guys do worry too.

 

[joe1776]

It's one thing perhaps if the employees are equals rather than not. It's also important to recognize that anyone within earshot of such has to also be considered.

The workplace sensitivity barometer:

Insensitive........0..........Hypersensitive

The needle should be at zero. I think it has swung from insensitive to hyper-sensitive because sanctimony has a powerful influence on moral advances. It will take a while to swing back to zero--balance.

 

[joe1776]

I dont get the eggshells context. I've never been a flirt either. Maybe flirting is over-rated. Sincere compliments might be a better option.

Sincere compliments are too easily misinterpreted as come-ons -- especially dangerous in today's hyper-sensitive climate. A man would have to be sure to qualify his compliment with: "I'm not trying to come on to you but... that jacket looks great on you."

"walk on eggshells" = be extremely cautious about one's words or actions.

 

[oldbadger]

Back when I lived in LA, working for Northrop, I had a gay roommate.
(He wasn't only gay, he was a "red blanket baby", ie, a commie who
was born to commie parents. We were indeed the "odd couple".)
One day I came home to find him socializing with a large guy.
Later, my roomie said that I likely prevented a sexual assault....just
by showing up when I did. Guys do worry too.

Surely. Absolutely!
Victims in connection with Rape and sex assault crimes include so many types of folks, but the ones that stand out to me are:-
Raped Males, many who will never dare to report.
Raped Females, some who will never dare to report.
Innocent persons maliciously accused of rape whose lives are ruined.

We need to identify with all of these. The 'Me Too' movement might well be becoming a witch-hunt, whereby any person accused is automatically regarded as guilty, and their life trashed.

One thing that high profile folks should stop doing, is offering 'hush' and 'no action' money to those who accuse them of crimes. There can only be one response, imo, and that is to insist upon the police being called immediately, and to offer nothing.

I don't know what the old dog was accused of, but somebody once tried to blackmail Churchill with threats over publication something or other. His response was 'Publish! and be damned!'

 

[Kangaroo Feathers]

Do you like people who are hyper-sensitive? Is that a quality you appreciate in a friend?

The current workplace male-female climate is hyper-sensitive, where men have to "walk on eggshells." That's obviously not conducive to male-female friendships.

So, yes. It's great that the workplace is unquestionably a better place today for women. But, it comes with a cost.

If "don't flirt with people who don't appreciate it" is your definition of "walking on eggshells" sure, I guess.

 

[oldbadger]

Sincere compliments are too easily misinterpreted as come-ons -- especially dangerous in today's hyper-sensitive climate. A man would have to be sure to qualify his compliment with: "I'm not trying to come on to you but... that jacket looks great on you."

"walk on eggshells" = be extremely cautious about one's words or actions.

For sure, young men are now tending to think and act differently to how they lived 60 years ago. We can easily see this in the way that they take special interest in hair styles, clothes and cosmetic applications. I can remember when men were frightened to even use body sprays and lotions.

But I think that you're still in the dark ages over all this. Can I try to show you? You mention the care you'd have to take over a comment like, "..................that jacket looks great on you." Try this...... before you decide to make comment about the woman's jacket, think to yourself, 'How would it look if I complimented a bloke on his jacket?'

You see? Would you compliment a male colleague on how his trousers fit today?..... or his over coat? 'Hey! Michael, not coming on to you or anything, but your hair looks fantastic this morning!'

Well, would you do that? If you wouldn't, then just try keeping your thoughts about Rachel's waisted jacket (or whatever) to yourself, because you can probably see now that it doesn't work with anybody...... so just don't use it, because using it is a kind of patronising approach that won't always do you credit..... .

 

[Jumi]

Often? Often have a good time?
Does this mean that you believe that most if not all claims of rape against previously friendly defendants are true?

The way you are insinuating, it seems like you believe it to be always proof of innocence?

Just a sec.......... Was there a case? A charge? A trial? Was there a verdict?

There was no trial. In those days police didn't bother investigating. I only knew of it because that person was my friend and we talked why she had an eating disorder and so on.

 

[Kangaroo Feathers]

For sure, young men are now tending to think and act differently to how they lived 60 years ago. We can easily see this in the way that they take special interest in hair styles, clothes and cosmetic applications. I can remember when men were frightened to even use body sprays and lotions.

But I think that you're still in the dark ages over all this. Can I try to show you? You mention the care you'd have to take over a comment like, "..................that jacket looks great on you." Try this...... before you decide to make comment about the woman's jacket, think to yourself, 'How would it look if I complimented a bloke on his jacket?'

You see? Would you compliment a male colleague on how his trousers fit today?..... or his over coat? 'Hey! Michael, not coming on to you or anything, but your hair looks fantastic this morning!'

Well, would you do that? If you wouldn't, then just try keeping your thoughts about Rachel's waisted jacket (or whatever) to yourself, because you can probably see now that it doesn't work with anybody...... so just don't use it, because using it is a kind of patronising approach that won't always do you credit..... .

Further, there are compliments and "compliments".

"Hey, I like your jacket" is probably fine to say to anyone (and I've had both male and female co-workers compliment me like that, and vice versa, no problem), whereas "hey, that jacket makes you look great", is potentially more problematic. A lot comes down to tone and relationship, too. I'll tell someone I've worked with for a while, "you look nice today", but not a recent acquaintance... not unless I was getting "the vibe", but that's rather a separate issue than casually sexualising work colleagues.

 

[oldbadger]

The way you are insinuating, it seems like you believe it to be always proof of innocence?

I highlighted your question.
Do you by any chance live in a strange eastern land which just arrests and 'disappears' folks on the whim of the cops or officials?

In all the western countries that I know, we have HUMAN RIGHTS legislations which protect accused people. It is basically founded on the tenet that EVERYBODY IS PRESUMED INNOCENT UNTIL PROVEN GUILTY...... and thank goodness for that. One day, if you live in any of these countries, you may be very glad for the protection that this affords for a loved one.

There was no trial. In those days police didn't bother investigating. I only knew of it because that person was my friend and we talked why she had an eating disorder and so on.

Then it's very lucky that you never named the men who you accused, because if you had then they would be libeled, defamed and characters smashed by untruths.

I can now with some confidence feel that none of what you claim actually happened.

And you didn't call these people suspects, you called them 'perps'. Not good. The only clear proof of guilt where I live is a CRIMINAL COURT CONVICTION, and to a lesser degree upon a (civil) High Court Judge's judgement statement.

 

[oldbadger]

Further, there are compliments and "compliments".

"Hey, I like your jacket" is probably fine to say to anyone (and I've had both male and female co-workers compliment me like that, and vice versa, no problem), whereas "hey, that jacket makes you look great", is potentially more problematic. A lot comes down to tone and relationship, too. I'll tell someone I've worked with for a while, "you look nice today", but not a recent acquaintance... not unless I was getting "the vibe", but that's rather a separate issue than casually sexualising work colleagues.

Very good analysis, right there!
I like the difference between 'compliment the article worn and not the body'. Didn't think of that.

And so, basically, I shouldn't be telling the lady next door that whatever bra she is wearing today it sure does wonders for her cleavage? No...... I think I'm going down a blind alley there, however which way I go.......

I do tell folks (only honestly) that they seem to have lost weight, both genders. I do ask 'Have you had your hair done, 'cos it looks great' but not to blokes. Actually, at 70 yrs, I think I can get away with slightly more than a mid-aged bloke.

A checkout lady at our superstore was rude and discourteous to me the other day when I pointed out that she had double-scanned an item. As she huffed and gave me the most horrid look, I said, 'My goodness, but you look stunningly beautiful today!' and all around fell about laughing. It's just better than being nasty back, even if naughty.

 

[joe1776]

If "don't flirt with people who don't appreciate it" is your definition of "walking on eggshells" sure, I guess.

If twisting their words to find fault with what others mean is your style, it's hard to imagine that taking advice from you on how to build friendships would be a good idea.

 

[joe1776]

For sure, young men are now tending to think and act differently to how they lived 60 years ago. We can easily see this in the way that they take special interest in hair styles, clothes and cosmetic applications. I can remember when men were frightened to even use body sprays and lotions.

But I think that you're still in the dark ages over all this. Can I try to show you? You mention the care you'd have to take over a comment like, "..................that jacket looks great on you." Try this...... before you decide to make comment about the woman's jacket, think to yourself, 'How would it look if I complimented a bloke on his jacket?'

You see? Would you compliment a male colleague on how his trousers fit today?..... or his over coat? 'Hey! Michael, not coming on to you or anything, but your hair looks fantastic this morning!'

Well, would you do that? If you wouldn't, then just try keeping your thoughts about Rachel's waisted jacket (or whatever) to yourself, because you can probably see now that it doesn't work with anybody...... so just don't use it, because using it is a kind of patronising approach that won't always do you credit..... .

I agree with you that in today's workplace a male should avoid compliments to his female co-workers,qualified or unqualified. I disagree, however, with your characterizing of a compliment as being "patronizing." That's a harsh judgment.

I have complimented my male co-workers at times, and I've received them, but I don't feel the need to qualify my compliment to make sure they know it isn't a come-on. We male friends can also tease each other without mercy. It's a way of showing affection: one is showing trust in the other's friendship. But with women in today's workplace, it can't be done without some risk.




.

 

[Kangaroo Feathers]

If twisting their words to find fault with what others mean is your style, it's hard to imagine that taking advice from you on how to build friendships would be a good idea.

Directly quoting you is hardly twisting your words. Rather than feigning mistreatment, if you feel I've unfairly misinterpreted you, how about you actually explain what you meant?

 

[Kangaroo Feathers]

It's a way of showing affection: one is showing trust in the other's friendship. But with women in today's workplace, it can't be done without some risk.




.

People don't like being teased. Who knew?

Here's a tip, don't bully people at work and pass it off as "just a joke" and you'll be fine.

 

[joe1776]

Directly quoting you is hardly twisting your words. Rather than feigning mistreatment, if you feel I've unfairly misinterpreted you, how about you actually explain what you meant?

You wrote: If "don't flirt with people who don't appreciate it" is your definition of "walking on eggshells" sure, I guess.

Are you going to insist that you actually thought I meant "don't flirt with people who don't appreciate it?"

Do you honestly expect anyone to believe that?