The Sum of Awe's search for love and confidence

[Quagmire]

I did ask her on our walk together, she said something along the lines of "Yeah, i could see us being together"

I have to preface my response with a disclaimer: I don't speak female very well.

But even to my admittedly dense and out of practice ears this sounds a lot more like a yes than a no.

Of course a lot of it depends on what kind of expression she had on her face when she said it, but unless she seemed really uncomfortable breaching the subject at all, I would take this as a good sign.

but I don't know how sincere it was because she didn't say anything other than that.

Remember she's probably trying to play it cool too.

 

[JustGeorge]

Well, we layed beside each other in her bed, I had my arm around her, basically spooning with a gap between us (my choice because of shyness). She said, when I slept at her house, "You can either sleep in my room or I have a spare room, your choice." Her friends had told me earlier that night that "she'd appreciate it if you snuggled with her" so I took the option to sleep in her room.

But I just don't know for sure if she totally likes me. I mean, I have no reason not to think that obviously with everything that's happened so far. Maybe it's just her being a bit shy, even though she doesn't seem shy as she is very talkative and open about herself.

On second thought, maybe it's actually me that's been limiting this. I guess I haven't fully expressed myself, only subtly. I told her I'm spiritual but didn't go much into it. I told her I'm a writer, but haven't talked much about it. I have shown a little bit of my humor but haven't ever 'let loose' yet. Maybe it's me. It's something I've been working up to, getting deeper and deeper with her. Do you think a kiss would be a good idea right now?

This is all speculation.

I have to preface my response with a disclaimer: I don't speak female very well.

But even to my admittedly dense and out of practice ears this sounds a lot more like a yes than a no.

Of course a lot of it depends on what kind of expression she had on her face when she said it, but unless she seemed really uncomfortable breaching the subject at all, I would take this as a good sign.


Remember she's probably trying to play it cool too.

I have to add my own disclaimer, because though I'm female, I'm very, very weird... but...

I've had friends stay over. I tell them "here is where you'll sleep. Do you need any extra pillows/blankets?" I never, ever, give them the option to sleep in my bed. If one of them had gotten into my bed and stuck and arm on me(even with a distance between us), unless there was some exceptional reason they had done this(sleep walking, mental breakdown, etc), I would permanently embed a shoe in their hindquarters.

To me, her giving you the option to sleep in her bed seems like she's trying to figure out how you feel about her. It seems her friends are encouraging you to go for it. Again, I'm weird, but I sure as hell wouldn't appreciate snuggling with folks I view as friend only.

In my dating years: "What do you think of [guy's name]?"

In my head: "Wow! He's so interesting/fun/intriguing. I love spending time with him; I really feel a connection! I really hope this goes somewhere..."

Out of my mouth: "He seems alright."

 

[Koldo]

Well, we layed beside each other in her bed, I had my arm around her, basically spooning with a gap between us (my choice because of shyness). She said, when I slept at her house, "You can either sleep in my room or I have a spare room, your choice." Her friends had told me earlier that night that "she'd appreciate it if you snuggled with her" so I took the option to sleep in her room.

But I just don't know for sure if she totally likes me. I mean, I have no reason not to think that obviously with everything that's happened so far. Maybe it's just her being a bit shy, even though she doesn't seem shy as she is very talkative and open about herself.

On second thought, maybe it's actually me that's been limiting this. I guess I haven't fully expressed myself, only subtly. I told her I'm spiritual but didn't go much into it. I told her I'm a writer, but haven't talked much about it. I have shown a little bit of my humor but haven't ever 'let loose' yet. Maybe it's me. It's something I've been working up to, getting deeper and deeper with her. Do you think a kiss would be a good idea right now?

This is all speculation.

I am not sure what exactly you are expecting...
She has been telling you she is into you...

I suggest you hurry up and at least kiss her in your next date before it is too late.

 

[JustGeorge]

I am not sure what exactly you are expecting...
She has been telling you she is into you...

I suggest you hurry up and at least kiss her in your next date before it is too late.

I second that.

 

[Koldo]

I have to add my own disclaimer, because though I'm female, I'm very, very weird... but...

I've had friends stay over. I tell them "here is where you'll sleep. Do you need any extra pillows/blankets?" I never, ever, give them the option to sleep in my bed. If one of them had gotten into my bed and stuck and arm on me(even with a distance between us), unless there was some exceptional reason they had done this(sleep walking, mental breakdown, etc), I would permanently embed a shoe in their hindquarters.

To me, her giving you the option to sleep in her bed seems like she's trying to figure out how you feel about her. It seems her friends are encouraging you to go for it. Again, I'm weird, but I sure as hell wouldn't appreciate snuggling with folks I view as friend only.

Exactly. It was an invitation to intimacy.

In my dating years: "What do you think of [guy's name]?"

In my head: "Wow! He's so interesting/fun/intriguing. I love spending time with him; I really feel a connection! I really hope this goes somewhere..."

Out of my mouth: "He seems alright."

Exactly.

 

[The Sum of Awe]

Oh man, well I guess I'll do my best. I texted her: "Hey I was thinking, I'm sorry if I'm going very slow with this whole thing. I understand we met on Hinge and you said you were interested, gave me clear signals it seems. I guess I just always second guessed it. Honestly I really do like you, and I will do better to make the next time we meet special if that's something you're interested in."
Then I texted her "But at the same time, I don't know what you want. What are you looking for?"

I guess it is what it is, I threw in the towel here. Especially since I'm horrible at wording things.

 

[JustGeorge]

Oh man, well I guess I'll do my best. I texted her: "Hey I was thinking, I'm sorry if I'm going very slow with this whole thing. I understand we met on Hinge and you said you were interested, gave me clear signals it seems. I guess I just always second guessed it. Honestly I really do like you, and I will do better to make the next time we meet special if that's something you're interested in."
Then I texted her "But at the same time, I don't know what you want. What are you looking for?"

I guess it is what it is, I threw in the towel here. Especially since I'm horrible at wording things.

I don't think this is really throwing in the towel, I think its opening dialogue for an honest conversation.

 

[Debater Slayer]

Oh man, well I guess I'll do my best. I texted her: "Hey I was thinking, I'm sorry if I'm going very slow with this whole thing. I understand we met on Hinge and you said you were interested, gave me clear signals it seems. I guess I just always second guessed it. Honestly I really do like you, and I will do better to make the next time we meet special if that's something you're interested in."
Then I texted her "But at the same time, I don't know what you want. What are you looking for?"

I guess it is what it is, I threw in the towel here. Especially since I'm horrible at wording things.

I would suggest not pushing things so hard or asking too many questions yet. Overthinking can be a pitfall for new friendships and interactions, and I'm saying this based on a lot of personal experiences.

Give her time and space to respond and see how things go from there.

 

[The Sum of Awe]

I don't think this is really throwing in the towel, I think its opening dialogue for an honest conversation.

I would suggest not pushing things so hard or asking too many questions yet. Overthinking can be a pitfall for new friendships and interactions, and I'm saying this based on a lot of personal experiences.

Give her time and space to respond and see how things go from there.

These are exactly both sides of the debate in my mind hahaha.

I've already sent it, though. I guess if it was too soon, then it was too soon. But I do feel like it is opening dialogue for an honest conversation, because that's honestly what I'm thinking and I want to hear her thoughts on it.

 

[Debater Slayer]

These are exactly both sides of the debate in my mind hahaha.

I've already sent it, though. I guess if it was too soon, then it was too soon. But I do feel like it is opening dialogue for an honest conversation, because that's honestly what I'm thinking and I want to hear her thoughts on it.

I'm aware you've already sent the messages; I'm just saying it's probably best to wait now and not send any more before she has replied or had time to do so.

 

[JustGeorge]

These are exactly both sides of the debate in my mind hahaha.

I've already sent it, though. I guess if it was too soon, then it was too soon. But I do feel like it is opening dialogue for an honest conversation, because that's honestly what I'm thinking and I want to hear her thoughts on it.

As far as too soon, I think it depends on the person. For some, it might be too soon, for others, if you wait much longer, they're gonna move along. Being as she's invited you into her bed, I'd think the timing's fine.

 

[Koldo]

Oh man, well I guess I'll do my best. I texted her: "Hey I was thinking, I'm sorry if I'm going very slow with this whole thing. I understand we met on Hinge and you said you were interested, gave me clear signals it seems. I guess I just always second guessed it. Honestly I really do like you, and I will do better to make the next time we meet special if that's something you're interested in."
Then I texted her "But at the same time, I don't know what you want. What are you looking for?"

I guess it is what it is, I threw in the towel here. Especially since I'm horrible at wording things.

Ok. Let me try this way: You don't need to word every single thing. Communication is not strictly verbal.

Many people don't feel very comfortable with saying exactly how they are feeling about things. So don't expect people to be completely verbal and upfront about everything. From what you have said, it is clear to me she is into you.

 

[The Sum of Awe]

It all smoothed out well, we were both honest. It was a great discussion to have, both opened up. She said she was alright with going slow if that's what I wanted to do, she said she wasn't sure what I wanted. It seems like she would've been open to taking the label boyfriend/girlfriend just as much as she is comfortable with just being friends. However, I personally am not ready and wanted to keep going with the flow we're at. I confessed this and she seems fine with it.

I don't know why I am not sure yet, she has great qualities that I like. I'm not sure if it's because my old crush still haunts my mind somewhat or if it's because it's genuinely too soon for me to make a decision. Our conversations have more or less been randoms so far, so I feel like I don't know her well enough.

 

[JustGeorge]

It all smoothed out well, we were both honest. It was a great discussion to have, both opened up. She said she was alright with going slow if that's what I wanted to do, she said she wasn't sure what I wanted. It seems like she would've been open to taking the label boyfriend/girlfriend just as much as she is comfortable with just being friends. However, I personally am not ready and wanted to keep going with the flow we're at. I confessed this and she seems fine with it.

I don't know why I am not sure yet, she has great qualities that I like. I'm not sure if it's because my old crush still haunts my mind somewhat or if it's because it's genuinely too soon for me to make a decision. Our conversations have more or less been randoms so far, so I feel like I don't know her well enough.

I think its good you guys had that conversation.

 

[Debater Slayer]

Ok. Let me try this way: You don't need to word every single thing. Communication is not strictly verbal.

Many people don't feel very comfortable with saying exactly how they are feeling about things. So don't expect people to be completely verbal and upfront about everything. From what you have said, it is clear to me she is into you.

While I generally agree with this, I would also add that sometimes not expressing certain things verbally or discussing them can be a dealbreaker.

If someone has a major issue or multiple smaller issues with a friend or romantic interest but bottles everything up or makes vague hints instead of talking openly, chances are they will foster resentment and adversely impact the relationship sooner or later. Directness is indispensable even if it is not always the best or most realistic approach.

 

[Debater Slayer]

It all smoothed out well, we were both honest. It was a great discussion to have, both opened up. She said she was alright with going slow if that's what I wanted to do, she said she wasn't sure what I wanted. It seems like she would've been open to taking the label boyfriend/girlfriend just as much as she is comfortable with just being friends. However, I personally am not ready and wanted to keep going with the flow we're at. I confessed this and she seems fine with it.

I don't know why I am not sure yet, she has great qualities that I like. I'm not sure if it's because my old crush still haunts my mind somewhat or if it's because it's genuinely too soon for me to make a decision. Our conversations have more or less been randoms so far, so I feel like I don't know her well enough.

Congratulations! I'm happy for you that it went so well.

I think this is a good sign, too, because it means she's someone who can probably be relied on to be direct and to know how to express her feelings accurately. A lot of people don't have those skills.

 

[Koldo]

It all smoothed out well, we were both honest. It was a great discussion to have, both opened up. She said she was alright with going slow if that's what I wanted to do, she said she wasn't sure what I wanted. It seems like she would've been open to taking the label boyfriend/girlfriend just as much as she is comfortable with just being friends. However, I personally am not ready and wanted to keep going with the flow we're at. I confessed this and she seems fine with it.

I don't know why I am not sure yet, she has great qualities that I like. I'm not sure if it's because my old crush still haunts my mind somewhat or if it's because it's genuinely too soon for me to make a decision. Our conversations have more or less been randoms so far, so I feel like I don't know her well enough.

Hold on. I was the under the impression you wanted to go further with her given what you have said so far, that what was holding you back is that you weren't sure she actually liked you as something more than a friend.

If, however, you are still unsure if you want to be more than friends with her, that's a different beast altogether. Definitely take your time. Just be aware people won't wait forever.

 

[Koldo]

While I generally agree with this, I would also add that sometimes not expressing certain things verbally or discussing them can be a dealbreaker.

If someone has a major issue or multiple smaller issues with a friend or romantic interest but bottles everything up or makes vague hints instead of talking openly, chances are they will foster resentment and adversely impact the relationship sooner or later. Directness is indispensable even if it is not always the best or most realistic approach.

Ah, I agree.

 

[JustGeorge]

Hold on. I was the under the impression you wanted to go further with her given what you have said so far, that what was holding you back is that you weren't sure she actually liked you as something more than a friend.

That was my impression, as well.

 

[The Sum of Awe]

Hold on. I was the under the impression you wanted to go further with her given what you have said so far, that what was holding you back is that you weren't sure she actually liked you as something more than a friend.

If, however, you are still unsure if you want to be more than friends with her, that's a different beast altogether. Definitely take your time. Just be aware people won't wait forever.

That was my impression, as well.

Sorry that I've misstated things. Admittedly I'm very indecisive, I think that I want something but don't really know until confronted with the thought process more, no matter how much I've already thought about it. Sometimes I can sense that I might not want something and I can think of a million reasons but I can't pinpoint why until I'm face to face with it.