The Sum of Awe's search for love and confidence

[The Sum of Awe]

I’ve decided I have worked on my social skills enough this year. Really I started working on them December 2021, maybe a bit sooner. I feel fairly comfortable with them, there’s still some things to learn but I will learn them in time.

Maybe it’s time to start up a gym routine again. It might be difficult when I’m writing a book at the same time, have a fulltime job on the side, do all my chores myself and make my own dinner, on top of just going out on little self-dates once a week. But I’ll figure out a schedule for it. It probably just seems harder than it actually will be, I do spend a lot of time online but maybe I can cut some of my internet time down.

Working on my physical body may make me slightly more attractive, it could potentially increase my confidence, it would make me feel good… maybe this is what I need.

I did do this before for a few months, stopped because I moved.

 

[Quagmire]

I’ve decided I have worked on my social skills enough this year. Really I started working on them December 2021, maybe a bit sooner. I feel fairly comfortable with them, there’s still some things to learn but I will learn them in time.

Maybe it’s time to start up a gym routine again. It might be difficult when I’m writing a book at the same time, have a fulltime job on the side, do all my chores myself and make my own dinner, on top of just going out on little self-dates once a week. But I’ll figure out a schedule for it. It probably just seems harder than it actually will be, I do spend a lot of time online but maybe I can cut some of my internet time down.

Working on my physical body may make me slightly more attractive, it could potentially increase my confidence, it would make me feel good… maybe this is what I need.

I did do this before for a few months, stopped because I moved.

One option to joining a club, or until you do, is just getting into the habit of doing a few push-ups and pull-ups in the morning. It only takes a few of minutes and you'd be surprised what kind of results you can get just from doing one set of each every other day (you never want to do the same upper body resistance exercises two days in a row because your body needs 48 hours to recover).

Doesn't have to be in the morning either, just whenever.

It's a good way to get your joints and ligaments prepared if you want to get into more intense resistance training later.

Nice thing about it is there's no commitment and you can do these kinds of exercises wherever, whenever.

 

[The Sum of Awe]

One option to joining a club, or until you do, is just getting into the habit of doing a few push-ups and pull-ups in the morning. It only takes a few of minutes and you'd be surprised what kind of results you can get just from doing one set of each every other day (you never want to do the same upper body resistance exercises two days in a row because your body needs 48 hours to recover).

Doesn't have to be in the morning either, just whenever.

It's a good way to get your joints and ligaments prepared if you want to get into more intense resistance training later.

Nice thing about it is there's no commitment and you can do these kinds of exercises wherever, whenever.

That’s very helpful, thank you! I will try that out instead for a few months before joining a gym. Do you do this routine and do you have any specific exercises or is it typical pushups one day and pull ups the next? I suppose for legs I would have to get some dumbbells and do squats every third day perhaps

 

[Quagmire]

I don't have an actual routine, I just do pushups or pullups when the mood strikes me. It's pretty hap- hazard.

I don't really need to exercise on purpose, my life is pretty much a work out as it is.

 

[The Sum of Awe]

I don't have an actual routine, I just do pushups or pullups when the mood strikes me. It's pretty hap- hazard.

I don't really need to exercise on purpose, my life is pretty much a work out as it is.

Why is that?

 

[Quagmire]

Why is that?

I don't drive, I ride a bicycle everywhere. I also live completely off the grid. And depending on where I happen to be staying atm, getting in and out of my place can involve a lot of hiking, walking, carrying, and even climbing.

Getting a health club membership would be kind of redundant ( sometimes I do anyway).

 

[The Sum of Awe]

I don't drive, I ride a bicycle everywhere. I also live completely off the grid. And depending on where I happen to be staying atm, getting in and out of my place can involve a lot of hiking, walking, carrying, and even climbing.

Getting a health club membership would be kind of redundant ( sometimes I do anyway).

Wow, that sounds really cool. So you don't even stay in one place? Do you live in woods? Are you self-sustaining or do you still go out to get food and other things?

 

[Quagmire]

Wow, that sounds really cool.

Thanks.

So you don't even stay in one place? Do you live in woods?

Yup. Always.

Are you self-sustaining or do you still go out to get food and other things?

These days I'm completely dependent on civilization for food. I was never into hunting, and haven't fished in years but I did do a fair bit of foraging at one time. I still do a little bit now but it's more of a hobby than anything else.

Other than the fact that I live in the woods, get most of my electricity from solar panels, and use a solar shower when it's warm out (5 gallon water jugs. It's a big part of the 'carrying' that I was talking about. ) , I'm just as dependent on civilization as anybody else now.

Been living this way since I was a teenager, and I intend to live this way for as long as I can get away with it.

 

[Quagmire]

Now that unlimited data plans are the norm, and fairly cheap if you shop around, I see pretty much no reason at all to ever move indoors.

 

[Quagmire]

I have a few short videos of the woods that I was staying in for most of this year in my YouTube channel:

https://youtube.com/@talkingmonkeeyz4000

There's also some RF stuff from when I was playing around with deep-fake.

 

[The Sum of Awe]

I have a few short videos of the woods that I was staying in for most of this year in my YouTube channel:

https://youtube.com/@talkingmonkeeyz4000

There's also some RF stuff from when I was playing around with deep-fake.

It sounds dreamy to live in the woods. But then I saw the absolute darkness of night in your vids and the snake crawling and I realized it also must be kinda scary.

 

[The Sum of Awe]

Thanks.



Yup. Always.



These days I'm completely dependent on civilization for food. I was never into hunting, and haven't fished in years but I did do a fair bit of foraging at one time. I still do a little bit now but it's more of a hobby than anything else.

Other than the fact that I live in the woods, get most of my electricity from solar panels, and use a solar shower when it's warm out (5 gallon water jugs. It's a big part of the 'carrying' that I was talking about. ) , I'm just as dependent on civilization as anybody else now.

Been living this way since I was a teenager, and I intend to live this way for as long as I can get away with it.

Haha hell yeah. If you've been out there since a teenager you must be like Survivorman.

 

[Quagmire]

It sounds dreamy to live in the woods. But then I saw the absolute darkness of night in your vids and the snake crawling and I realized it also must be kinda scary.

The darkness can be kind of nice, especially when it's filled up with all those life-sounds: frogs, crickets, coyotes, owls . .

There's so much artificial light in the world, getting away from it and finding a place where the only light is from the stars can be pretty soothing.

Snakes are some of the best neighbors you can have. They keep the rats and mice in their place.

Rodents are actually the biggest wildlife problem out here, and they're just an annoyance.

 

[Quagmire]

Haha hell yeah. If you've been out there since a teenager you must be like Survivorman.

It's really not all that hard. You'd be surprised how little it takes to be comfortable.

 

[The Sum of Awe]

I just wanted to share a few good things:

1) I recently bought a Powerblock Elite 5-70 lbs. I know @Quagmire mentioned I might not even need equipment, but after doing extensive research I decided I would like to have dumbbells for more range of workouts and perhaps faster building of muscles. I am very excited to start working out again. - I've already done pushups the last couple nights and mornings, I couldn't do pullups as I don't have any sort of bar to do them with.

2) I've started listening to the audiobook How To Win Friends and Influence People. I've already learned a few things from it. It's very good advice inside it. Enjoyed every chapter so far. - It may take some time for me to adapt to the core philosophy of the book, which seems to be: think more of others, everyone wants to feel important, the best way to win respect is to therefore make people feel important (and the chapters show various social skills/traits that will help in that). I admit I'm sorta a selfish person, but perhaps that's normal to some degree. It will take some time to develop the mindset of selflessness.

3) I decided that I would only go into my computer room when I'm working on my book, and if I'm online doing other things like RF or Reddit I will take my laptop into another room. Maybe this will help with my distraction issue. Similar to how people say "don't lay in your bed unless you're going to be sleeping" to help fall asleep faster

4) I realized that I have been incredibly rude to my family, that the misunderstandings of the past are misunderstandings. I'm starting to slowly reconnect with them. I still don't know to what degree, but I will contact them more often and try to be more enthusiastic in conversation. I feel very guilty for it, but all I can do is try to be better.

 

[The Sum of Awe]

I have to vent. I’m currently at work and I’m very on edge. I am working right across from the girl that likes me but i don’t like her back and told her we can be friends. I’m not completely ignoring her but I’m not looking up and talking or joking at her either. I’m keeping to myself but when she talks to me I reciprocate a little bit. I don’t know if I am being rude or not. Everyone knows that’s kinda how i am unless you’re one of the handful of people i am comfortable around and I’m near you i will start talking to you. Usually in form of conversation.

I feel bad that I’m not witty enough to just say something out of the blue to show that I’m welcoming

 

[JustGeorge]

I have to vent. I’m currently at work and I’m very on edge. I am working right across from the girl that likes me but i don’t like her back and told her we can be friends. I’m not completely ignoring her but I’m not looking up and talking or joking at her either. I’m keeping to myself but when she talks to me I reciprocate a little bit. I don’t know if I am being rude or not. Everyone knows that’s kinda how i am unless you’re one of the handful of people i am comfortable around and I’m near you i will start talking to you. Usually in form of conversation.

I feel bad that I’m not witty enough to just say something out of the blue to show that I’m welcoming

It would only be rude if you were holding back from talking in order to make her feel poorly. You say this is how you usually are, so it doesn't seem rude; just something typical for you.

It might be worth examining why you're seemingly hyperconscious of the situation. Does she make you nervous?

 

[The Sum of Awe]

It would only be rude if you were holding back from talking in order to make her feel poorly. You say this is how you usually are, so it doesn't seem rude; just something typical for you.

It might be worth examining why you're seemingly hyperconscious of the situation. Does she make you nervous?

She does make me nervous, because I don’t know how to act around her. Same with most people.Even just walking by her or anyone except, my comfortable people, I sometimes second guess looking at them to avoid eye contact and to avoid saying hi too much.

 

[JustGeorge]

She does make me nervous, because I don’t know how to act around her. Same with most people.Even just walking by someone I sometimes second guess looking at them to avoid eye contact and to avoid saying hi too much. There are so many social things I don’t understand.

Yup, that's about where I was at that age, too...

As to how you're supposed to act, I'd say any way that isn't outright offensive or makes working together difficult is fine. How do you want to act with her?

There's a lot of social stuff I don't understand, either... it perplexes me, but I've learned to just be comfortable in my own skin, social convention be damned. I feel that's where confidence comes from; being okay being you, even if that isn't exactly what every social situation demands(you'll be surprised at how often the scenarios can adapt when you're feeling okay with yourself).

 

[The Sum of Awe]

Yup, that's about where I was at that age, too...

As to how you're supposed to act, I'd say any way that isn't outright offensive or makes working together difficult is fine. How do you want to act with her?

To be honest I don’t know. I guess there are some people I can never picture myself being comfortable around for some reason, even if they’re good people. Maybe this has a lot to do with her having asked me out and us having went on two dates.

There's a lot of social stuff I don't understand, either... it perplexes me, but I've learned to just be comfortable in my own skin, social convention be damned. I feel that's where confidence comes from; being okay being you, even if that isn't exactly what every social situation demands(you'll be surprised at how often the scenarios can adapt when you're feeling okay with yourself).

I often think I find that sweet spot where I am comfortable in my own skin, but then I lose it rather quickly. It often boils down to me feeling guilty or ashamed of me not being talkative or welcoming, unless someone initiates something with me then I am nice and receptive. There are other insecurities that drag me out of comfort in my own skin as well, such as me not being assertive. I don’t have any idea how to do that, so I kinda just avoid conflict or get nervous in the middle of conflict. I am not good at explaining my side.