To all of you fellas

[whereismynotecard]

The easiest way for me to forgive others is to remember that I make mistakes, too and I always feel better when I am forgiven. Three words: The Golden Rule.

But some mistakes are so much worse than others.

How could I forgive someone who drowned my cat by capturing him in an animal trap, and submerging the trap under the water of a river. I make mistakes, yes, but I would never purposely kill anyone's pet, and then not even say I was sorry afterward. He told us that he did it, and then lied to the cops afterward. He knew he was wrong. I will never forgive him, under any circumstances. And even after he never appologized, he keeps trying to be friends with us. My dad always humoured him and pretended not to hate him, but now that my dad is dead, my mom, sisters and I are the only ones left, and none of us are going to pretend like we don't want to see him dead.

 

[Quagmire]

Two things;

1). I look at the person and tell myself, "Yeah, dealing with this ________ sucks, but I only have to deal with him/her now and then. This poor smuck has to deal with him/herself all the time".

2). If you're planning on getting even with someone, start with the people who've been kind to you.
(this is excellent advise. I plan to start following it myself one of these days).

 

[.lava]

For all of you, what is the best way to forgive our enemies? I know that Jesus told us to forgive our enemies but how can we forgive them in spite of the fact that they hurted us in many ways? Please give a practical advice. If possible, please give your own experience(s).Thanks!

start by not calling them 'my enemies'.
someone who's doing wrong to you or being injustice to you is a chance to be a better man. without them there would not be challenge in your life, without challenge you could not get to know yourself. on the other hand you could be the one who's injustice, so be thankful you're given a chance to be better.


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[Charity]

We are required to forgive in order to be forgiven...... Often though it is easier to forgive than forget it and let it go.....

 

[Katzpur]

For all of you, what is the best way to forgive our enemies? I know that Jesus told us to forgive our enemies but how can we forgive them in spite of the fact that they hurted us in many ways? Please give a practical advice. If possible, please give your own experience(s).Thanks!

I'll be following this thread closely, because I've wondered the same thing. I have never had a hard time forgiving people who have hurt me, provided they are truly sorry, but when someone has intentionally hurt me and continues to hurt me and shows absolutely no remorse whatsoever, I've got to admit that it's very difficult for me to be forgiving. The one piece of advice I've received that has made more sense to me than anything else is this: "Holding a grudge is like taking poison and waiting for the other person to die." Refusing to forgive someone really does do us more harm than it does anyone else. Still, it can be very difficult.

 

[zenzero]

Friend Lawrence,
Here find myself exactly like Jesus; as am unable to communicate in your language as the language that can use is not understandable my most here; still shall try by sobering it down.
What stands between us as individual and God?
It is the EGO. The *I* / *ME* etc.
When that *I*/ *ME* or that EGO in us is no more we merge with GOD.
If you accept that then it becomes easy. Because when reacting to someone it is *I*?*ME* that reacts but when that *I*/ *ME* or EGO is not there then who is there to respond to get angry to hate? No one.
This is very practical and am living that way.
Love & rgds

 

[LuisDantas]

The best way of forgiving enemies is by being close enough to them and sufficiently aware of their thoughts, emotions and goals for them to no longer be enemies, but something else, dearer and better understood. Something akin to difficult brothers, perhaps.

Yes, it is a difficult way. But still, by far, the best, at least as consequences go.

 

[Vasilisa Jade]

For all of you, what is the best way to forgive our enemies? I know that Jesus told us to forgive our enemies but how can we forgive them in spite of the fact that they hurted us in many ways? Please give a practical advice. If possible, please give your own experience(s).Thanks!

By letting things bother you, you let it drag you down. Focus on yourself, making yourself a better person, and stronger than your enemies. Forgiveness initiates this I think. Another way of putting it is, don't get pulled down, but rise above, I guess.

 

[ChristineES]

But some mistakes are so much worse than others.

How could I forgive someone who drowned my cat by capturing him in an animal trap, and submerging the trap under the water of a river. I make mistakes, yes, but I would never purposely kill anyone's pet, and then not even say I was sorry afterward. He told us that he did it, and then lied to the cops afterward. He knew he was wrong. I will never forgive him, under any circumstances. And even after he never apologized, he keeps trying to be friends with us. My dad always humoured him and pretended not to hate him, but now that my dad is dead, my mom, sisters and I are the only ones left, and none of us are going to pretend like we don't want to see him dead.

Wow, that sucks. If he isn't sorry, then you are under no obligation to forgive him. What that man did wasn't a mistake, it was a cold-blooded attack.
If you were to decide to forgive the man, then it would be for yourself. Sometimes hating someone hurts yourself and doesn't even effect the person you are angry with.

 

[ChristineES]

And one more thing, Hannah. Just because you forgive someone, it doesn't mean you ever have to have anything to do with him again.

 

[Draka]

Just what is the big deal about forgiveness? Is it suppose to make us somehow "better" if we forgive atrocities against us? I ask WHY should we? I mean really...if someone accidentally knocks a vase off the table and breaks it, or steps on my foot, then fine...of course I forgive. However, if someone beats me up for the sheer enjoyment of it then hell no I don't forgive them. If someone takes advantage of me, steals from me, purposely hurts me in any way then screw them. They aren't worth my forgiveness and to me, if I were to do so, then it would be like saying that it was not only okay for them to commit such acts, it's okay for it to happen again. I retain the right to "hold a grudge"! You purposely screw me over then I don't ever want to see your face again...period. You will not ever get the chance to hurt me again. "Fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me."

 

[Father Heathen]

Just what is the big deal about forgiveness? Is it suppose to make us somehow "better" if we forgive atrocities against us? I ask WHY should we? I mean really...if someone accidentally knocks a vase off the table and breaks it, or steps on my foot, then fine...of course I forgive. However, if someone beats me up for the sheer enjoyment of it then hell no I don't forgive them. If someone takes advantage of me, steals from me, purposely hurts me in any way then screw them. They aren't worth my forgiveness and to me, if I were to do so, then it would be like saying that it was not only okay for them to commit such acts, it's okay for it to happen again. I retain the right to "hold a grudge"! You purposely screw me over then I don't ever want to see your face again...period. You will not ever get the chance to hurt me again. "Fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me."

I agree.

 

[Storm]

Me, too.

 

[LuisDantas]

Forgiveness makes the world effectively bigger for one, while grudges make it smaller and less pleasant.

 

[Draka]

Forgiveness makes the world effectively bigger for one, while grudges make it smaller and less pleasant.

How so exactly?

 

[Father Heathen]

I think it's in bad taste for people to tell victims how they're supposed to react and feel about something they themselves know nothing about.

 

[.lava]

Just what is the big deal about forgiveness? Is it suppose to make us somehow "better" if we forgive atrocities against us? I ask WHY should we? I mean really...if someone accidentally knocks a vase off the table and breaks it, or steps on my foot, then fine...of course I forgive. However, if someone beats me up for the sheer enjoyment of it then hell no I don't forgive them. If someone takes advantage of me, steals from me, purposely hurts me in any way then screw them. They aren't worth my forgiveness and to me, if I were to do so, then it would be like saying that it was not only okay for them to commit such acts, it's okay for it to happen again. I retain the right to "hold a grudge"! You purposely screw me over then I don't ever want to see your face again...period. You will not ever get the chance to hurt me again. "Fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me."

i think there are two sides of forgiveness. difficult to explain for me in English but i would try. let's say you fooled me once, Draka. if you did it intentionally then we'd both know about it. if you ask for forgiveness i would forgive you. if you don't ask for forgiveness, that situation between you and me would remain 'alive' like a bill you did not pay. here i see two sides of it. am i really that important to be asked for forgiveness? i think i really need to care for myself to expect an apology. caring for myself is from my ego. this is what happens within me. however you are somehow involved with that situation, in my inner world you do not exist. i am alone there. so to speak, only because i believe caring for myself serves my ego you would be forgiven within me. but on the outside you'd still owe me. therefor i say there are 2 sides of forgiveness. if i cared for myself and did not forgive you within me, that feeling would be my burden because, at least from my own experiences i can say that caring for my own for that kind of situations that appear to be shared with someone, in fact, does not involve anyone but me. because on the inside i have a relationship with myself alone. i am unsure if i am clear enough. but you know, i tried


.

 

[Draka]

i think there are two sides of forgiveness. difficult to explain for me in English but i would try. let's say you fooled me once, Draka. if you did it intentionally then we'd both know about it. if you ask for forgiveness i would forgive you. if you don't ask for forgiveness, that situation between you and me would remain 'alive' like a bill you did not pay. here i see two sides of it. am i really that important to be asked for forgiveness? i think i really need to care for myself to expect an apology. caring for myself is from my ego. this is what happens within me. however you are somehow involved with that situation, in my inner world you do not exist. i am alone there. so to speak, only because i believe caring for myself serves my ego you would be forgiven within me. but on the outside you'd still owe me. therefor i say there are 2 sides of forgiveness. if i cared for myself and did not forgive you within me, that feeling would be my burden because, at least from my own experiences i can say that caring for my own for that kind of situations that appear to be shared with someone, in fact, does not involve anyone but me. because on the inside i have a relationship with myself alone. i am unsure if i am clear enough. but you know, i tried


.

Here's the thing, it doesn't bother me in the slightest to hold on to a grudge. I have no qualms with saying that I don't like someone and won't forgive them. There seems to be an assumption with many here that forgiveness should be granted regardless of if someone asks for it. I say, if someone has gone out of their way to hurt you, chances are they won't ask for forgiveness in which case I have no real desire to forgive them. Even if they did, it would still all depend on what their level of betrayal was before forgiveness would even be considered in my book. Time may eventually soften my animosity, but that still doesn't mean that I forgive jack squat.

 

[LuisDantas]

I think it's in bad taste for people to tell victims how they're supposed to react and feel about something they themselves know nothing about.

I agree. It is however constructive for such victims to rise over their hazards and help in healing the situation.

 

[LuisDantas]

How so exactly?

Because forgiveness creates new possibilities, of course, while grudges limit and poison them.